Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts

February 14, 2014

"Happy Valentine's Day, Love"

14th February was less than 2 hours away. Naina was going to raped and killed. She knew that well by now. She was just grateful they hadn't touched her yet.  She could hear them laughing and hooting, as the animals had found their prey for tonight. She guessed there were 4 people in the jeep that was running fast into the jungles. 4 men, who were going to rip her apart soon. But she didn't know what to feel. She had stopped crying and screaming for help. It was clear now that no one was coming for help in the deep dark jungles of Assam. Even her captors had tied her hands and legs but did not bother to gag her. The trees and snakes and occasional leopards weren't going to be her savior. She just wanted the inevitable to happen now, so that she could die and be done with all this.

She tried to remember, what she was doing here thousands of Kms away from her home in Bangalore. She had come here for a little vacation with her friends. Her 'normal' friends. Friends who wouldn't be so stupid to stray away from the camp at night, when you cannot see anything. 

She just wanted to 'see' them one last time, so that they could deliver her message to her uncle - "Sorry Ammana". She didn't have a mother and father. They had left her an abundance of money, but what she wanted the most was them. Her Uncle was both her Amma and Nana now.

They had all come here to celebrate Valentine's Day. Of course she didn't have a lover. Who would love Naina? But she thought if she could just stay close to the couples in love, may be she would feel loved herself. Besides she just wanted to get out of home for the first time in so many years, and feel the fresh air. Her uncle tried to persuade her, almost pleaded to not go with her friends all by her own. He even offered to take her some place "better" (she knew he meant "safer") on a family vacation. But she was 22 now. She felt she was entitled to be independent. Even though, her uncle didn't feel so, she was confident she could take care of herself. And who wants to go on a family vacation when you are 22?

The jeep stops after jumping up and down the barren tracks of the jungle. From the smell and breeze she sensed that they were near some kind of lake. The men get out of the jeep and start talking something. They were probably deciding "their turns". They had been saying a lot of things to each other all through the road, but she couldn't understand a word. It was their local dialect. They were most probably tribal people who had come to their favorite adda.

After a while they stop talking and start unloading the 'package'. She starts crying again, desperately pleading them to let her go. She even tries to speak in her broken Hindi, hoping against hope that they might understand. One of them gives 3 tight slaps on her face, and kicks her on the abdomen and orders her to shut up. Two of them start dragging her from her hands while 2 others walk behind spitting at her. The path was full of gravels, and Naina was hurting, but who cared?

After dragging her for about half a KM, they throw her in a shallow pit. Naina understood they were going to dump her body in the same pit after they were done with her. She was going to be raped in her own future grave. Naina won't stop shrieking, trying somehow to get out of that muddy pit. And they all were laughing uncontrollably, enjoying her struggle.

"THUUUUDDDDD". 

Suddenly a loud echoing noise and one of the men was down on earth. Before anyone could understand, another loud noise and another man was smelling the soil. The other two started running in one direction screaming like mad. Two more sounds and everything was silent now. 

Naina was scared. She did not know what was going on. It was a full moon night, but she could not see anything. It was dark for her. Very dark...

There was silence everywhere now. No more laughing, no more chiding, no spitting on her. But she was too afraid to move. She lay there waiting for someone to come save her.

After about 5 mins, Naina hears some footsteps approaching her. Her heart starts beating loudly. Did the men return. No, no, they were dead. Then who was coming? Who was coming? She starts crying again. 

The sound of footsteps stop after a few seconds. "Who's there?", a deep husky voice penetrates the silence.

"Please don't hurt me, please. I want to go back to my Ammana. Please don't hurt me. Please don't hurt me.", Naina kept repeating loudly.

"Stop crying lady and identify yourself", the voice was monotonous, but had a British accent. 

"My name... My name is Naina. I... I live with my Ammana in Bangalore. I came here with my friends on 2 days vacation. These men...", Naina stops and  takes a few deep breaths. "These men, they.. they kidnapped me from near our resort... It's on the outskirts of the jungle." 

The man puts a torch in the pit. There was a slightly chubby girl, lying in mud curled up like a baby. She had curly charcoaled hair, like little snakes coming out of her head. She had a muddied light blue shirt and a pinkish skirt on her. Her shoes were missing. Her black sweater was half torn from all the dragging and she was bleeding from her back, knees and ankles. She was Naina.

The man enters the pit and comes closer to her. "Naayna, my name is Arthur. I am a tourist here from England. You need first aid. I am going to touch you to help you get up. Please don't be afraid".

As Arthur tries to grab her arm, she shivers and clutches herself tightly. "It's alright, it's alright. Shhhh... They are gone. They can't... hurt you anymore. You are safe... from them. Now can you raise your left arm for me, so that I can hold you".

Naina stays still for a minute, while Arthur waits patiently. He knew, she was traumatized and had to be dealt carefully. Naina slowly raises her left arm, and Arthur grabs her and pulls her up carefully. He asks Naina to put her arms around his neck for support. But Arthur was too tall for her. He was over 6 feet in height while Naina barely managed 5' 4. So Arthur holds her from both sides and helps her get out of the pit.

"Naayna, if we take the lake it will be easier for me to take you to your destination.  I came here by my cruiser boat. It's parked in the lake about 1.5 Kms from here. I had already blown the tyres of their jeep, so they can't run away. So we will have to walk up to that place. Can you do that for me?"

"Ya... yeah. Yeah".

"OK, so let's take baby steps. We don't need to rush". They start walking slowly back through the gravel path. Who knew, she would be able to go back through that path again. Naina was limping but Arthur had held her tightly.

"So, Naayna, tell me who all have come with you? You said you are from Bangalore, right?", Arthur wanted to keep her talking so that she doesn't get to think about the nightmare that she just went through.

"Yeah... it's called Bangaluru now". Naina's voice had started to mellow down now. It was a good sign.

"Oh, is it?"

"I came here... with 6 of my college friends. They wanted to celebrate... Valentine's Day. I tagged along with them. Ammana... didn't want me to go", she starts crying again.

"Hey, hey, hey... It's alright. Shh..". Arthur hugs her tightly. Arthur was too huge and it felt he was hugging a teddy. 

A hug from a complete stranger, alone in the middle of jungle was too weird, but Naina could care the least. She just wanted to feel safe. And Arthur's embrace felt warm in that chilly night. She didn't resist. 

After about 2 minutes, Arthur breaks the silence. "Are you alright now, Naayna?". She nods slightly.

"You are shivering girl. Here... take my jacket". Naina doesn't move. So, Arthur helps her put on his jacket. It came up to her knee, but she felt better.

"Ohhh.. wait. Damn it, I forgot something down at the pit. I need to go back and take care of it".

"No.. No No Arthur, please don't go. Please don't go.". Naina felt she was in danger again.

"It's important Naayna. Do not worry, you will be always in my sight. We have hardly walked 10 mins. I will be back in a jiffy".

"Please Arthur, please". She wanted to clutch his hands and not let go, but something stopped her from trying to do that.

"Here take this whistle, if you feel you are in danger, just blow this once. I will be here within 10 seconds". Arthur helps Naina sit down under a tree and puts a whistle in her hand.

"Nobody will hurt you today Naina, it's my promise. I'll be back before you can blink an eye". Arthur says and moves away.

Naina sat there, covering herself from Arthur's jacket. She knew those men were dead, but she didn't feel safe. The winters were still not over and it was a breezy night. She could hear the sounds of animals coming from a distance. February 13 was still not over. They had all planned to party at exact 12 am tonight, but she knew right now her friends would be desperately searching for her. The men had already broken her phone, so there was no way they could find her right now. She had ruined everyone's plans. Why are you so stupid Naina? Why?

She put her face between her closed knees and shrunk herself a little more. She felt there was something in Arthur's jacket. Something heavy. She put her hands in its pocket and found a big knife in one of them. She deduced she was a hunter. But he had just killed 4 Indian men, won't he be prosecuted? No, no I won't let anything happen to Arthur. I will tell Ammana everything, he will definitely save Arthur. Nothing will happen to him. 

The sound of someone approaching startles her. She immediately takes out Arthur's knife and wields it. "Who's there, tell me who's there?".

"I asked you to use whistle girl!", Naina recognized that voice.

"I... I..". Naina didn't know what to say.

"It's alright, now can you put that knife back in the jacket? Let's move". Arthur helps Naina get up again.

"Naayna, I will have to carry you up to the boat. It's still about a Km from here and I know you are not able to walk." Arthur meant it. Naina didn't have much choice either. She was walking bare feet on the way full of  gravels and sharp shrubs and she had a deep cut in her left knee.

Naina nods slightly. Arthur gets forward and extends his hands. Naina doesn't move. Probably she was still deciding. But Arthur didn't want to waste his time. So he gets near and lifts her up slightly taking care not to touch the wounds on her back. 

Naina was slightly heavy but Arthur's strong arms wouldn't have felt anything. He starts taking big strides in one direction. 

"We are just about to reach... It's just nearby... I hope I am not hurting you.." Arthur kept saying something throughout their 10 minutes journey to keep Naina's mind busy. She understood that too. She was feeling drowsy. May be she was too tired. Or, may be Arthur's arms were too comfortable. Naina wasn't interested to know either.

"There. You see. That's our cruiser!". Arthur points in one direction. Naina doesn't look that way. She was examining a skull shaped locket in Arthur's  neck.

Arthur takes her to the boat and puts her on a recliner. "Feel comfortable, Naayna. Let me bring the first aid box from the cabin". 

He returns with a can of water and a first aid box. Naina drinks some water from his hand. Arthur then washes her wounds and does dressing. 

"There. We are done. Now let's take you to your final destination!". Arthur says probably trying to cheer her up, but Naina kept looking one way towards the water.

Arthur notices her for the first time under moon light. Naina was traumatized, but she still looked so beautiful. The only thing more round than her face were her eyes. She had perfect cheekbones, and her nose looked like a Chinese date. She puckered her lips, eyes still glued in one direction.

"So, tell me about your uncle, Naayna." Arthur starts up the engine of the cruiser.

"You mean.. you mean my Ammana". 

"Yeah, sorry, sorry. I mean your Amanaaa", Arthur corrects himself quickly.

"My Ammana is the only person I am left with. My mom and dad passed away in an accident when I was very young. But my Ammana never let me feel that I was alone. He would give his life for me. "

As the boat starts to race deep into the lake, Arthur slowly picks up a baseball bat from the floor and moves to the other side of Naina.

Naina keeps talking unchanted, "He didn't marry himself because he thought his wife would never be able to love me as her child. My Ammana is...".

Arthur lifts the bat and quickly throws it towards her, stopping just inches from her face. Naina doesn't buzz an inch. "... the only person I trust".

"YOU ARE BLIND. YOU ARE BLIND!", Arthur shouts at the peak of his voice. "NO, NO NO...". He falls down with a thundering noise.

Naina gets startled from the noise and gets up from the recliner. "Arthur, Arthur, are you alright? Arthur where are you?". Naina tries to search him in the full moon light.

Arthur grabs her hand and helps her sit back in the recliner. "It's alright Arthur. I lost my eyes in the same accident in which I lost my parents. May be this is what God wanted. But he sent my Ammana to take care of me. My Ammana says I will be able to see again one day. Ammana is consulting the best doctors in India. He...". 

"STOP TAKING HIS NAME NAAYNA, JUST STOP", Arthur roars. "HE WANTS YOU DEAD. HE HIRED ME TO KILL YOU."

Naina gets silent. There was just the sound of breeze and motor now.

"Your Amanaaa just wants your money. He didn't kill you all these years because then the money would have gone to the trust. ".

"NO, YOU ARE LYING. YOU ARE A LIAR", Naina cries hoarsely.

"This is the truth Naayna. You will have to believe me". Arthur's voice was monotonous again.

"But my Ammana loves me. He loves me more than anything else in the word", Naina was almost pleading now. Every inch of her wanted to deny what she just heard. Because if that were true then her life of 22 years would become meaningless.  

"He doesn't love you. He never loved you. All he ever planned was to give you a death where you would disappear completely. After a few years you would be presumed dead, and he will become the natural heir of all your property. Nobody would know where you went, and how you were killed. The perfect death."

Naina was crying now. Arthur continued, "He wanted to kill you by taking you on a family vacation. But you won't buzz, so he had to change his plans. He contacted me about 2 weeks ago, and informed that you are going on a vacation in the jungles of Assam. I have been keeping an eye on your group for past 1 day."

"So who are you really? Is your name really Arthur or is that also a lie?", Naina had lost her faith in everything she knew about the world.

 "My name is Arthur Naayna, but I am not a tourist from England. I am a Russian hitman. People call me a serial killer, a mass murderer, a kill-contractor among other things. I have killed 78 people in past 11 years. Never missed a target. I am the best at what I do."

"But if you wanted me dead, why didn't you let those 4 men kill me? Why be a hero then? Why?", Naina shouted out loud.

"I wanted to give you a death of dignity, Naayna. Those men wanted to not only kill your body but your psyche too. I wouldn't have let that happen. I have given them what they deserved Naayna. I am coming after mutilating their body beyond recognition. The animals are going eat away their meat now"..

There was a minute silence. Naina thought she was going through a nightmare. It was just a bad bad dream. Everything would go away once she opens her eyes. But her eyes were wide open.

"Besides, I don't want you dead Naayna. It's your uncle who does so. I am just hired to kill you."

Naina's cries had turned to muffled weeps. Her world was turned upside down in last 10 mins. And she knew she probably had less than 10 mins to live now.

"But what that bastard didn't tell me was that you are blind. I would have never taken your contract otherwise.."

"Arthur... can you do one thing. ", Naina interrupts him in between. Her voice was eerily calm now. She had already accepted her fate.

"Yeah".

"Can you let me go?"

There was silence again. "No... No Naayna. I can't do that. I am hired for a job and I must complete it.".

"Ok, I thought so...", She pauses.  "Then please tell my uncle, I forgive him. Tell him I would have given my life myself if he had asked once". Naina was mentally preparing herself now.

Arthur was clinching his teeth. He never felt so helpless in any of his kills before. The cruiser had come in the middle of the lake now.  Arthur halts the cruiser's motor. There was nothing but water on all the sides.

"What are you thinking Naayna?", Arthur enquires.

"I am alone Arthur. I have absolutely no one in this world. I am going to die alone.  I don't want to die. I.. "... Arthur didn't want to kill her either. But he was duty bound. There was nothing more important to him than his contract.

"Can I do something for you?".

"I am afraid Arthur. What can you do for me? What can you possibly do? Tell me!", Naina barked.

Arthur drops on his knees in front of her recliner. "All I can offer you is a hug right now. Come here." Naina feels two arms opened around her.

Naina was really alone. No one loved her. Her killer was the only one who was there to listen to her. She just wanted to feel safe for a few moments.

She moves ahead and hugs Arthur tightly. Arthur closes his arms behind her. Naina breaks down completely, "Why Ammana, why did you do this? Why?... Aaahhhh..." Arthur hugs her a little tighter.

Several minutes pass, but Arthur doesn't move an inch. This was the only thing that he could do for her. Naina felt the same warmth she felt when Arthur hugged her the first time. She felt safe. Her nerves start to calm down.

After about 20 minutes, Naina speaks slowly, "Arthur".

"Yeah".

"I am ready". But she doesn't let go of her grip from him.

Arthur looks at his watch. It was 12.19 am now. Naina's first Valentine's Day. And her last Valentine's Day.

He takes out the knife from the pocket of his jacket which Naina was wearing. 

Arthur removes the hair against her hair, takes his mouth nearby and slowly whispers, "Happy Valentine's Day, Love".

He quickly grabs her mouth with his left hand and stabs her in her upper back with his right hand. The knife pierces Naina's heart and Arthur's jacket together. A stream of blood spills over Arthur's face. Naina's blind eyes scream out, as he slowly cuts her open. She was struggling, but Arthur's hold was too strong for her. Not even a single voice could come out of her gagged mouth. She kept struggling for 2-3 minutes and then she got still. Forever.

Arthur had a ritual to cut out the right eye of his 'targets'. He would preserve them as trophies. But he didn't want to do that for Naina. She was blind.

He got up and looked at Naina's moonlight drenched face one last time. She was dead, but she still looked so beautiful. There was no trauma, no anxiety, no pain on her face now. She looked calm.

Arthur picks her blood soaked body and takes it to the edge of the boat. He looks at her again and then throws her in the lake.

He then starts the motor of his boat again, and moves towards the other side of the lake. While Naina's body gets buried in the water. Never to be found again.

February 08, 2014

Devil's advocate: Love will make you Bankrupt

So let's talk about Love for a while. I have been "in Love" quite a few times. Some of them turned out to be short term flings, others proved to be a catastrophe. It has given some blessed times, and has also shown me how it feels to breakdown completely with no hope of recovery. I have fallen in Love, then fallen some more, until I hit rock bottom. Only to rise up and try all over again. And after years of in and out of all this, I have come to one conclusion "Love is a Business in Loss".  

I am going to be 100% honest here. I am not against Love (and by "Love" here I don't mean the Religious, Devotional or Parental kind. They are all great too, but here I talk about the Romantic Love mixed with Obsession with a tinge of Lust. The one that we the Aam Aadmis do.). In fact, it's important to fall in Love at least once in your life.

But then, it doesn't change the fact that you will always be in loss if you Love.  More often than not, it will push you to the verge of bankruptcy, may be not in monetary terms but in terms of physical, mental emotional, spiritual well being. Don't believe me? Of course you don't. I don't want to believe myself too. But then... Read on...

Let me first enumerate some of the Benefits of Love:

1. Love makes you strong : Love does make you strong. It gives the strength to do things that you never thought you were capable of. Love cannot accept you to be weak. You cannot accept yourself to be weak when you are in Love. You cannot give excuses anymore. You will have to get off your butt and DO things, even if you are scared to hell to do it. Because now if you don't, Love won't forgive you. But don't worry. Love gives the courage to face your scariest of demons. Have faith.

2. Love makes you care : Suddenly the health and spirit of another human becomes more important than your own. You cannot sleep, if they cannot sleep. You are obsessed about the happiness of another person. You think about ways to make them laugh, to entertain them, even if it means ridiculing yourself. It makes you less self-centric, deflates your ego, which is an absolutely fantastic side effect. If nothing else fall in Love for this. Become more caring humans. Give me a better society to live in.

3. Love makes you creative : This one is my favorite. Love makes you an artist! One day you wake up and find out you are a musician or a poet or a painter. You discover that you can write the most beautiful of love letters, the most charming of good morning messages. And if by chance you are the most pathetic "uncreative" person in the world, you haggle your friends to do it all for you.  You show your creativity in convincing them to do it for you. You pay them if that's what it takes.

4. Love brings a kind of freshness in the mundane : I hate the mundane. That's one of the reasons I keep on doing all kinds of "stupid" stuffs and experiments on self. Nobody likes to maintain the same routine of bath-work-internet-sleep everyday (with bath, work and sleep being optional). When you are in Love it breaks the pattern. It makes the day a little unpredictable. You do not want this day, this time, this moment to end. But, you also cannot wait for the next day to start, when the same time, same moment will return. 

5. Love helps forget the pain : We all have the pain points in our lives. We all have mental wounds (if you don't, do tell, I have been desperately looking for you). Broken relationships with family members, an expired loved one, a long lost friend, a big debt, failure after failure in career. Love (at least momentarily) makes you forget all that. Getting just a glimpse, hearing just an alphabet sends a strong shiver down the spine. It's kind of a non-sexual orgasm. Love is a drug of strongest of qualities, except that it's legal (in most countries, and regions). It's seductive and it's addictive. But anything that helps you feel more human should be welcomed, isn't it?


Won't it be wonderful if we could be in love 24 hours a day, 365 days an year, 70 years in a life span? Yeah Love is great, Love is awesome. Until, you start counting the Downsides of Love:

1. Love makes you weak : You tell me whom you love, and I will know where to hurt you. I do not care how strong you are physically and mentally, if I hurt the one you love you will feel pain. Because you are so protective of the person you love, you are virtually naked yourself. And here's what's worse than that. When you truly love, you give your psyche to another person. That's a scary thing to do. They now have the power to destroy your life, and turn you into a piece of meat over bones, who shits every day. You are screwed now. Unfortunately, you can't love without making yourself vulnerable first. I am sorry.

2. Love makes you delusional : Better phrase would be "Love makes you Stupid". You start doing things, that a sane person would never do. And if a friend or family tries to advise you, boom! they are gone! They aren't a friend or family anymore. It's like being under influence and not knowing what you are doing and the consequences you will have to face. Of course, love gives you the courage to do things, and but it also takes away the ability to think and judge if this is even the right thing to do. And when you come out of the trap of love, you start to see how much of an idiot you were. You start to hate yourself for doing all that. I told you, you are screwed.

3. Love disappoints : Love makes you expect things. Expectations always disappoint. Always. You send a message and wait and wait and wait for them to respond. But they don't. Or do it very late. You want to Facebook chat with them for hours. But they don't. Or do it very less.  You expect them to care the same way as you care for them.  But they have other important stuffs to do. You try calling them, try to plan a hangout, try to meet them after office hours. But they are too busy to do all that. You get the pattern, right?

4. Love changes you (sometimes for good, but mostly bad) : When you are in Love, it changes you as a person. I suspect down to the molecular level. And many times that change is permanent. Before the love came knocking down your door, you had your own aspirations, goals, dreams, plans, hobbies, passion. But once love enters your life, it affects every aspect of it. You need to modify your aspirations and dreams according to the convenience another person now. You need to ditch some of your goals, because they are incompatible with your goal to be in love forever. Here's the kicker: the aspirations of another person now start to take priority. You lose your own identity. I am not sure if that's a good thing.

5. Love distracts : This is my personal problem with Love. I am very particular about my productivity day-on-day. But love makes it impossible to be productive. You cannot focus. You cannot perform to the best of your abilities. Love diminishes your thinking capability. Love is all you can think of, while brushing, while excreting, while speaking, while eating, before going to bed, in your dreams and after you wake up. It start from being a part of your life, then it becomes the only part of your life.

6. Love asks for sacrifices : And sometimes your friends and family are part of these sacrifices. People can juggle between family and friends, or friends and friends. But I do not know any person who can maintain a balance between their "Love" and the others they love. We all have 24 hours in the day, most of us have finite resources (read money, energy, will power etc.). The more we spend these on one person, the less we are left for others. And you will be surprised, Love usually wins over family and friends.

7. Love gives you pain : When love hurts, it hurts badly. So badly that it makes it impossible to get out of bed and face the day. It makes it hard to even breath. You want to run away somewhere, but it won't help. The haunting memories would follow you everywhere you go. Every second, every moment, there will be tremendous pain. Sometimes you will hurt yourself physically to momentarily save yourself from the mental agony. What makes the matter worse is that it affects your near and dear ones too. They can't see you in this situation. Alas, there isn't a switch that could stop you from hurting. That could somehow instantly make you "normal" again. Somebody should invent that switch.

8. Love Kills : Time is the greatest of all healers. For most people, it gets better with time. Depending upon how much of yourself you gave into love, it takes weeks or months or sometimes years to heal. Scars will remain; momentarily you will break down once in a while. But bit-by-bit, you will make yourself whole again. Unfortunately, some people are not able to reach that point. The torture reaches to such an extent that taking their lives (and/or the one they loved) seems to be the only solution available. Love kills.


Now, I am a mathematics person. And anyone with elementary knowledge of integers would agree 5 - 8 = -3 is a wrong place to be in. You will lose in love. That's a fact. The faster you accept this, better for you. Love is the "One Ring" from The Lord of the Rings. One day, you will find it somewhere, get obsessed with it. But slowly it will turn you into Gollum. Call it "My Precious". Call it.

So what am I suggesting, should we not fall in love? Oh, I suspect if that's even in your hands to decide. My job here was to at least caution you of the perils of love. So that when eventually you do go fall in the ditch, you know the kind of shit that's coming your way. (But of course, whom am I kidding, you already know all this).

Contemplate on what I wrote for sometime. Till then, I will go find someone to love.

January 11, 2014

How to talk to a Girl you Like, without falling in Love with her?

I will keep it short and terse. And I would ask for very specific advice at the end. So read carefully. Let's start...

Say we have a girl, let's call her the "Potential Danger", and a guy say the "Silent Lamb".  Now the Silent Lamb likes Potential Danger. Potential Danger has a good charming personality and the Silent Lamb thinks they have a great chemistry.

The problem is, from his past experience, the Silent Lamb thinks that if he spends more time with the Potential Danger, ultimately he is going to fall into the 'trap'.  He might lose his currently boring but safe track, that he enjoys with the other lambs. And the trap will ultimately bring him too far back. Alone, lonely and nowhere to go.

But, again the girl's name is Ms. "Potential" Danger , and not Ms. "Definite" Danger. The Silent Lamb doesn't want to get away from the Potential Danger just based on some past experiences, and his "gut feeling". He understands that it's not her fault that she is a Potential Danger to him. 

The Potential Danger is, of course, totally unaware of the potential of danger she can cause in the life of the Silent Lamb. In general she is very safe to be with, but may be due to some karma thing, she poses some  mystic powers to wreak havoc in the mind of  the Silent Lamb, the minute he puts his guard down. 

The Silent Lamb finally decides that he will NOT sacrifice his friendship with the Potential Danger. In fact, he will try to spend more time with her  just because he likes talking to her. He will continue to Like Potential Danger because that cannot be changed. But he resolves to NOT let himself fall in Love with a Potential Danger. End of story.


Now, I don't want to waste my time replying to the usual Bull Shit that if this is related to my life, or who are the guy/girl in this story etc. That's irrelevant. 

I am not interested to hear a lecture on how it won't be Love but infatuation/lust etc. The Silent Lamb knows the difference.

I don't want to hear the crap about how the Silent Lamb should end his friendship with the Potential Danger if he wants to keep himself sane. Or take risk, let himself fall in Love, because that's what life is all about! Both of the options have already been thrown in the dustbin.

My question: How to talk to a Girl you Like, without falling in Love with her?

Your Turn.

November 30, 2013

10 reasons why I am voting for AAP... And why you should too.

Delhi goes to Election on the 4th of December, and if you live in Delhi with a valid Voter-ID, I sincerely hope that you will go and cast your vote. Because if you don't, then you would be worse than those who can't caste their vote and those who don't know the value of casting a vote.

Now, I write this piece to try and garner your vote in favor of the party I myself am voting this time: Aam Aadmi Party (AAP). But before I start, I just want to clarify a few things:

  • I have affiliated myself as a member of AAP, so yes I am quite biased towards them. But I don't get paid nor do I hold any position in their party. I am just writing this from the POV of a fan.
  • If you think that someone else can do a better job in your area than the AAP party and their candidates, I believe that you must vote for that particular party/candidate only. When it comes to betterment of society, ends matter more than the means.
  • I must say, when they started last year, like many others I was also skeptical. I was unsure what a party of newcomers would be able to do in an year against stalwarts with decades of experience of the "dirty game". But they proved me and many others wrong and now have truly won me over!
  • I do not like a lot of things that some of their leaders/members do and say (like maligning other parties/candidates). I find some of the things that they promise highly impractical (like "Bijli" at half the rates). But they seem confident, so I want to give them the benefit of doubt. But, if these guys don't deliver what they promise (if given a chance), I won't hesitate to write and debate against them. 

Taken from AAP's twitter handle

Here are a few reasons I am voting for AAP. I hope you will find merit in my reasoning and at least think about giving them a chance:

1. They are the underdogs: I understand what it means to be an underdog, what it means to be sidetracked simply because you don't have enough experience, enough credentials to show your potential. But the thing is, unless you give someone a chance you will never know what they are capable of. They don't have the big names like NaMo or RaGa to campaign for them, but they 

2. They don't know how to do politics: If you see the way the leaders of AAP talk you would know that they are not your traditional politicians. They just don't know how to sugarcoat their thoughts to suit or convince everyone. They talk straight and the best thing, they admit when they make mistake. Now, I don't agree to their each and every sentence but I can relate to their thoughts. I can feel them to be one of us, one of the Aam Aadmis.

3. They walk their talk (or at least try to): Recently they took back the candidature of one of their candidates (from Rajouri Garden) when they found that he had hidden the fact that he had a criminal case against him. They have announced that that particular seat will remain empty from AAP's side. I haven't heard of anything like this before in Indian politics. So, while I can't say a lot about the capability these remaining 69 candidates, at least I can bank on their integrity and that really is a big thing for me.

4. They are innovative: Here is where it gets interesting. Local manifestos for each constituency made in collaboration of the local people in something that's unheard of, at least for me. Collecting election-money from the janta itself and putting every transaction online is an commendable thing to do. I haven't even heard of even NGOs revealing their sources of income. Both the party name and party symbols are well thought of. It gives me a sense that there are active thinking and intelligent people working behind the curtains. 

5. They are fearless: Being just an year old party, debuting in elections they don't have anything to lose. And that gives them the leverage to ask their party leader to stand against the Delhi's CM of 15 years. That gives them the 'ridiculous' hope to win the elections and not just settle for a few seats. And to even think this is a recipe for madness, but I have an inclination for such mad people.

6. They connect: I (being a member) get their email almost every other day explaining their strategy or asking for help. Almost every member of AAP is active on twitter (and I believe on FB as well) and talk directly to the Aam janta. They post Youtube videos in droves.  The party leader directly comes to radio and asks for vote straight forward, no bullshit or stupid songs involved. Their "Call Delhi" campaign is a brilliant idea. This makes me believe that they aren't just after my vote, they really do care about me being involved in their efforts. So different from other party candidates who have all of a sudden started making appearances in my locality and hugging people while asking for votes. 

7. I vote for development and development only: Unlike older generations,  today's youth doesn't believe in 'traditional voting'. I have no qualms to say that I had voted for Congress in both State and National Elections last time, because I genuinely believed that they had taken the city and the nation forward. But for various reasons, they have lost my faith in last 5 years. State elections, we know are about local issues. I have a BJP MLA in my area and a BJP-led MCD, but I don't see much development done since last elections. I have been waiting for potable water supply since past 7 years of living in my area. The sewage system remains abysmal. The lanes are constructed only a few months before the elections. So, this time I am giving a chance to a new party, a new player, in the hope that all this will change. And if even they fail to deliver, I won't have any problem giving someone else a chance next time.

8. I connect with their ideology: I don't understand the "holistic development" idea of Congress, or the Hinduism of BJP, nor do I get the Secularism plank of parties like SP and JDU. I fail to connect with the Communism of CPM or the dalit-favoritism of BSP, TMC etc. I wasn't around when all these parties were formed. But in the case of AAP, I know why it formed and what it wants to do. And I can't wait to see what it will be able to achieve in the coming years.

9. I find their leaders worth following: Whether it be Arvind Kejriwal or Prashant Bhushan or Kumar Vishwas Or Yogendra Yadav, they all have different styles, but it's fun to listen to all of them. And when you listen you know they are passionate about changing the system, and  passion is what we need in politics. Isn't it?



10. The system can really be changed from inside only: I respect Anna and what he did and has done. But I haven't really been a fan of his fasts-till-death. It feels like blackmailing to me. If the Government elected by the people of India doesn't want certain things to be done, or is going against the wishes of its own people, I believe it's better to change the damn Government instead of blackmailing it through fasts or courts.

Now, do I seriously think that AAP is going to form the Govt. this time? Do I really think the AAP candidate from my area is going to win? NO and NO.

So, why bother voting at all, you might ask? Why not instead vote for a party that has a chance to win? You see, this is the kind of mentality that I don't buy. My question is even if you were all but certain to lose, won't you even fight? Would you join the pigs if the pigs are in majority?

I don't really care if my single vote doesn't make any difference in the end-result of my favored candidate; at least I will know in my heart that I gave vote to someone whom I believed in. And in that, I think my vote won't be wasted. 

I don't really know a lot about the candidate whom I am going to vote this time, but at least I have faith in the party to which he belongs. Otherwise, I was seriously considering the shiny new "vote for rejection" this time.

I can't say what's going to happen in the elections this time around, but one thing is sure that AAP has really made these elections interesting. In last one decade of following it, I have never been this excited about the politics, ever before!

July 08, 2012

When you came in thoughts... (An year ago)

You know I have never met you
I tell you, it really sucks
But then, I think it gives me a leverage
And it's not bad as such.
I can think of you,
the hell way I want to,
And there is nothing you can do about it,
until you come and stop me to do.

Untitled
Untitled by williamterra. Taken under CC licence.
And it may seem like a joke,
but I am not joking,
it is true,
Whoever are you, I think of you,
does it really matter,
that I haven't, like ever, met thou?

Well it has happened with me a million times...

When I have been giving exams,
and was stuck in a difficult situation,
And then you came in between,
and became my little distraction.
You know it gets difficult to answer questions,
when you are demanding a separate attention.
With all the time that I keep loosing
It's funny it doesn't cause much me tension,
As, without anyone even noticing,
I virtually met you during an examination!

Sometimes I am reading. something. interesting,
and your thought passes my mind.
I start thinking what you would be reading,
and what thoughts would be in your mind.
And would you be stupid enough,
to think... well... about me.
Or be the smarter one
and keep studying carefree,
And let all the thinking, dreaming
chore, be done by me.

That day I was taking a walk,
and suddenly the thought crossed,
What you would be doing this evening,
Cooking food, feeding birds,
just having fun doing home stuffs?
Or may be talking to your girlfriends,
on that terrace of yours.
OK, I might be wrong totally,
who knows you may be lazier than The Lazy,
But I am sure that you would be breathing blissfully,
and that's what matters most to me.

Interestingly as I write these words,
You come again and take that cognitive space.
And well it may seem absurd,
that I don't even require a face.
I have so many thoughts of you,
that I can imagine you with eyes open.
And who would have thought,
that my thoughts about you,
would just be a pinch prettier than yourself!

And, no. Make no mistake.
I am not complaining.
It's just that you come in thoughts,
When I least expect,
I don't mind, but please knock,
When you come in fact...

April 02, 2012

An Open Letter to My Dad

Dear Dad,

Whatever I am going to write here now is really going to be awkward for me. The reason is that, to tell the truth, we have never been really close. I never asked you how was your office today, and you don't know the names of all my friends. But, it is really important for me, that you hear all this from me today.

I have heard, read and seen about the fantastic relationships that various father-son duo share. They are almost like friends or brothers. We do not share that kind of relationship. When we sit to talk, our talks generally revolve around family problems or my studies or something like telephone bills etc. We seldom talk about movies, songs, sports. I struggle to think of one single passion that we share.

But beside all that I can say without a shred of hesitation that I am really proud of you. While I may be a grown up now, physically and mentally, but emotionally I still feel like a child. And as a child I feel protected when you are around. If I screw up something in life, I know that you will be there to support me. If I ever encounter any kind of problem, you may not understand what the problem is, but you will surely help me out in whatever way possible. 

I have been genetically passed a lot of your characteristics from the looks to the physical appearance to the behavior (shyness, anger, laziness!). And some of the things you have taught me, may be not directly but indirectly: faith in God, respect for women, being simple, being humble.

And I wish I could have a number of more features of my dad. I wish I could mingle with the society effortlessly like you, I wish I could be as hard working as you, I wish I could be as empathetic as you.

Yes, there also a lot of things that we do not agree on. And many a times, I thought I had to make compromises just to keep you happy: not being out of home late night, not wearing clothes of certain colors or styles, not keeping long hair etc. etc. I would say it's a generation gap. But I also think that you want me to do them for my own good.

I do think that you give too much importance to what the society thinks of ourselves. And that is one area where our thinking differs. You consider your drinking habit as one single thing that you feel ashamed about. And due to that, I decided long back I will never ever drink in my life.

Everyday I remind myself that I come from one middle class family where people have worked hard to go from where they were to reach where they presently are. Everyone from Papa (Grandpa), Amma (Grandma), to you and mom have worked  tirelessly to build me and brothers.

You and Papa took the responsibility of home even when you were teenagers. And even though you guys didn't complete school education, I would say you have done a pretty damn good job of providing us with whatever that is necessary to survive and a lot more. 

Whether having to wake up very early in the morning in bone-chilling cold to go to work or having to work late night even when you didn't feel well, you guys never complained. And you still had sometime for the family. For you, family always came first.

A lot of things I take for granted. But when I see, other people not having father to support them or their father not being as supportive as you are, I realize your importance in my life.

I feel ashamed that I haven't been as good a son as you have been as a father to me. I haven't shared up your responsibilities. If I had been a better son, grandson and a brother, you would have gotten better sleep at nights. There have also been times where I have pained you from my acts or words, knowingly or unknowingly, and that disgusts me. For all that I want to say sorry to you.

There is this deep desire in the heart that you guys feel incredibly proud of me. Now, I know if I ask you, you would say that "we are already proud of whatever you have done in your life.". But that doesn't satisfy me. I want to see that pride glowing in your eyes.  

I have a lot of dreams. But if I complete this one dream, of making you proud, then I will feel that my life was successful. 

At the last, I want to say one thing which I do not remember, if I ever said to you: I LOVE YOU DAD. You are not my idol, you are not my God. You are someone beyond all that.

And now, that I have said all this to you, I will try to be a little more open with you. Will try to give you more details about my life, and find out more about you. It's a little late to do that, but not too late. Is it?

Your son,
Ravi Indra Davan Singh 
(I always wanted to sign off myself as that! :)

January 22, 2012

... It feels good.

92/365
From Flickr. Courtesy Meghannash.

The faces that you make,
makes me feel good.
And when a smile comes on that very face,
it feels good.


When you forget something in between,
it feels good.
And then you remind me the same thing,
it feels good.


When there is something to do, that you can't,
it feels good.
Because making you understand,
is what feels good.


When you go bury yourself in studies,
it feels good.
And when the same studies puts you to sleep,
it feels good.


When you make me stop as I depart,
it feels good.
And when you stop while getting apart,
it feels good.


I don't like it 
when you say sorry to me,
but the way you sorry,
really feels good.


When you come in thoughts while going to sleep,
it feels good.
And when the heart reminds you first thing in morning,
it feels good.


Red, Black, Blue, Voilet,
Who cares?
Whatever you wear, on you
Everything looks good.


I don't like it 
when someone else talks to you
But when you talk to someone,
they also start to feel good.


Thought many times, to sit near and talk,
couldn't gather the courage to do so,
But seeing you even from far off,
feels good too.


When you look at me even once,
it feels good.
And when I keep smiling on those looks,
it feels goood.


Yes, it feels good.
But it's scary too.
The increasing anxiety drowns,
And pain inside continuously growls.


In few days you won't be near,
would have far gone from here.
Your memories will all I be left with,
And the things that feel good now
Will make me cry, forever.

... तो अच्छा लगता है.

[Translated version here]

जब तुम मुंह बनाती हो,
तो अच्छा लगता है.
जब तुम मुस्कुराती हो,
तो अच्छा लगता है.

जब तुम खुद भूल जाती हो
तो अच्छा लगता है.
और फिर मुझे याद कराती हो
तो अच्छा लगता है.
Courtesy Demi-Brooke

जब तुम समझ नहीं पाती हो ,
तो अच्छा लगता है.
क्योंकि तुम्हें समझाना भी
तो अच्छा लगता है.

जब पढ़ने में दिल लगाती हो ,
तो अच्छा लगता है.
और कभी पढ़ते पढ़ते योंही सो जाती हो ,
तो अच्छा लगता है.

जब जाते हुए रोक लेती हो ,
तो अच्छा लगता है.
और जब खुद जाते रुक जाती हो ,
तो अच्छा लगता है.

तुम्हारा सॉरी कहना तो नहीं ,
मगर जब तुम सॉरी कहती हो ,
तो अच्छा लगता है.

जब सोते वक्त तुम्हारा ख्याल आता है
तो अच्छा लगता है.
और जब उठते ही दिल तुम्हारी याद दिलाता है
तो अच्छा लगता है.

लाल, कला, नीला, बैंगनी,
किसे परवाह.
कुछ भी पहनो, तुम पर सब कुछ ही
तो अच्छा लगता है.

मेरे सिवा कोई और तुमसे बात करे ,
मुझे पसंद नहीं.
लेकिन तुम जिस किसी से बात करती हो ,
तो, वो भी अच्छा लगता है.

कई बार कोशिश की पास बैठूं ,
लेकिन हिम्मत ही ना कर पाया.
तो तुम्हें दूर से देख भी लूं ,
तो अच्छा लगता है.

जब एक नजर देख भी लेती हो ,
तो अच्छा लगता है.
और जब उन्ही नज़रों को याद कर दिन भर खिलखिलाता हूँ ,
तो अच्छा लगता है.

अच्छा तो लगता है,
पर डर भी लगता है.
बेचैनी होती है ,
और दर्द बढ़ जाता है .

कुछ दिनों में तुम नहीं होगी पास ,
कहीं दूर चली जाओगी .
तुम तो ना रहोगी ,
बस तुम्हारीं यादें रह जायेंगीं.
और जो बातें आज अच्छी लगती हैं ,
कल वही बातें रुलायेंगी.

August 08, 2011

What do you Love?: Twitter

Miss the lady with the phone :'(
Under "What do you Love?" series, I have previously talked about Linux and Google. Today I am going to talk about another thing I absolutely Love: Twitter. (Note: you can click any of the screen-shots below to go to the original tweet! :)

I joined twitter in February 2010...
My first tweet :) 


Initially I would use it just to share any news I came across web because I found it easier to share on twitter (as compared to other SNS) due to some extensions.

At first, I didn't follow many people except a few friends who also had made an account just to try out the service.

But, as I kept using it, twitter did make me feel that I was talking to Sachin or Aamir...

For months I didn't use it much. But suddenly something happened. A few friends joined. I am not saying Twitter was crappy before, but it suddenly became awesome!



By that time new Twitter came!

While some of the friends went away (I don't expect my friends to like everything I love. Use FB, be happy :) but I stuck with it.

As days passed by, I found a few new and unexpected friends who incidentally also liked Twitter as much as me.


And as a result this year, I went into Twitter overdrive. Now, I have been tweeting like/about anything!...

It could be something deep...


It could be something (not so :) funny....

It could be retweeting interesting stuffs...

It could be egging friends...

Or sharing stories about them...

It could be about frustration from twitter...

Or something else...

It could be having serious conversation...

Or stupid ones...
Or secret ones...

It could be giving advice...

Or getting one...

It could be participating in Twitter trends...

Or ridiculing them...

It could be asking questions...

It could be trying out new things, inside Twitter...


It could be giving reviews to movies...

Or the Albums/Songs I liked...


It could be sharing insights about my little brother's life as he keeps growing...

It could going away from twitter...


Or coming back...

It could be celebrating milestones...

Or as it always has been, sharing stuffs...


Well I can go on and on. But the simple fact is that, twitter has changed my life (I hope for good). I know, I am a little addicted to it. And I also know that addiction of any kind is not good, so I am trying to find a balance (after all it's "just a service" :). But I am really thankful for twitter, for giving a shy guy a voice, a place where he can be his true self without being shameful for that.