10 commandments of a true ABAPer

1. Thou shall write the actual code for 1 hour and spend next 5 hours on commenting and aligning the code.

2. Thou shall blame thy every confusing code snippet to the "best practice".

3. Thou shall be confused all the time and don't forget to confuse thine friends all the time.

4. Thou shall copy thine friend's code shamelessly. If it's their, it's thine!

5. Thou shall ask too many people the same problem, get conflicting answers and then wonder who out of them is correct!

6. Thou shall blame thy every failure on everything: the instructor, the mentor, the evaluator, the peer, the problem, the server, the ABAP, the SAP, the luck... everything except thee!

7. Thou shall regularly take breaks from writing code to play bubble shooter or vice versa.

8. Thou shall consider getting short dumps as a matter of pride. "What! You got just 3 short dumps? I got 7 today!"

9. Thou shall screw all performance considerations while writing code and then screw the code to maximise performance.

10. Thou shall spew verbal obscenities in thine local language on the creators of SAP for making thy life a living hell...

तेरी हर अच्छी आदत को मैं खराब कर दूंगा ...

मत  आ  मेरे  पास , तुझे  मैं  बर्बाद  कर  दूंगा .
तेरी  हर  अच्छी  आदत  को  मैं  खराब  कर  दूंगा.

Taken from Flickr under CC License 

ऐसा  नहीं  के  मैं  चाहता  नहीं  तुझे ,
बस  खुद  पर  जरा  भी  भरोसा  नहीं  मुझे ,
डराता   है  मुझे  खुद  का  ही  जुनूँ,
तू  खिलौना  है  मेरा , तुझे  ना  तोड़  मैं  बैठूं ,
खुद  धधक  रहा  हूँ  अन्दर  ही  अन्दर ,
तुझे  भी  मैं  राख  कर  दूंगा,
तेरी  हर  अच्छी  आदत  को  मैं  खराब  कर  दूंगा.

हंसी  भागती  है  दूर  मुझसे,
सुकून  से  कोई  नाता  नहीं,
खुद  इतनी  बार  फिसला  हूँ,
तुझे  गिराना  मैं  चाहता  नहीं ,
खुद  नहीं  पाक , रही  तू  गर  साथ ,
तुझे  भी  मैं  नापाक  कर  दूंगा .
तेरी  हर  अच्छी  आदत  को  मैं  खराब  कर  दूंगा.

पाने  के  लिए  तुझे  तो  उस  रब  से  भी  लड़  सकता  हूँ ,
मगर  लाकर  तुझे  अपने  दर्द  के  सिवा  कुछ  ना  दे  सकूँगा ,
खुद  गम  में  ही  जिया  हूँ  जिंदगी ,
तुझे  भी   ख़ुशी  का  मोहताज  कर  दूंगा .
तेरी  हर  अच्छी  आदत  को  मैं  खराब  कर  दूंगा .

इतना  सा   रहम   कर  मुझपे ,
अगर हो सके, ना  कर  मोहब्बत  मुझसे ,
ये  कर  गलती  ना  चख  मुझे ,
तुझे  मैं  तेज़ाब  ही  मिलूँगा ,
तेरी  हर  अच्छी  आदत  को  मैं  खराब  कर  दूंगा... 

Myself

OK, so I am finally writing about myself. And it's funny that one thing that I should have posted a long time ago, I am doing it now. Well there is a reason for that: it's really hard to define your own self. I think that's what people call discovering yourself, and it takes the whole life to "actually" get to know yourself. Anyways, without wasting my blog space and your precious time I would like to present to you, Myself <drumrolls>:

My name is Ravi Singh, and my blogger/pen/online name is RavS. I am 23 25 years old (though I am not really proud of the fact). I am from India, in case you are not from India. I like a variety of stuffs... related to computers! So, that includes Blogging, Programming, tinkering with the OS, trying out new softwares (I am a part time beta tester, who doesn't reveal his findings!) and of course surfing the web (well mostly surfing the web).

I love music (but I know I am not the greatest music loving creature alive). I like so many music genres (Rock) and artists (Taylor Swift) that it's really impossible to tell which one is my favorite (Himesh Reshammiyya). Basically I can hear anything under the sky and it all depends on my mood. I am also a movie watcher (though a much better movie collector) and again there is no clear favorite actor (Tom Cruise) or actress (Angelina Jolie) or genre (Comedy) that I could name.

I am an awesome procrastinator, but I am too humble to brag about my superpowers. I am an introvert and shy guy. I sometimes don't bath and message all my friends to tell my achievements. I am a lousy artist, but  that's because I don't want to give complex to people like these. Alright, alright. I know you would be thinking why am I writing these negative traits. Well actually I am a fan of Sjain in this regard, who thinks  shouting about your negative features is actually a positive thing. And hey, you only wanted to read "Myself", (I didn't ask you ;) and now that I am writing "Myself" myself, you are criticizing me? That's not coo! Read on...

But I like to have my own opinion (Justine B. sucks), but never get annoyed at anyone (****** you R. Black, you have ruined my Fridays). I love all my friends (except XP and Sui) and am usually happy for them (yeah, whatever...). I always praise my friends' work (secretly it annoys me to see how awesome they are, so I fake it). I think we should always try and keep improving ourselves (yesterday I watched more TV shows than the day before) and try to help everyone (except XP and Sui). 

I have got a really big nuclear family (not the radioactive kind, idiot) and I am the only eldest brother in the family. I am self unemployed in an Indian company. I have really high dreams (one time I scared the hell out of terrorists with an empty gun, in my dreams). I am punctual (never late more than 2 hours). I am always impartial/neutral in my views (as long as you are talking about something I like). I don't like to pressurize anyone (until they keep reading and commenting on my posts).

I do not support piracy (I am also a hypocrite) and I am a full fledged GNU/Linux supporter (mostly because of their bull/penguin logo). Microsoft is my favorite company (to curse against, while using their products). I am super athletic & fit and I rarely lie about anything. I am a gifted singer-cum-dancer and I also have a great sense of humour.

Well that's pretty much it. If you gotta know more about me, I would think either you have a crush on me (OK if you are girl, not Ok if you are not a girl) or are spying on me (OK if you are girl, not Ok if you are not a girl). In a really rare case you may be plain curious (OK if you are a girl or not). In any case, just drop me a mail/tweet.

Cheers!

एक बेरोजगार की आह...

क्यूँ पूछते हो मुझसे तुम ?
वही सवाल बार बार


बस थोडा थक गया हूँ,
नहीं मानी है पूरी हार

कल तक कहा 'चैम्प' मुझे

अब कहते हो,हूँ मैं बेकार

अब तकल्लुफ बस करो,
मत पूछो ये मुझसे यार

लो मैं ये खुद कहता हूँ,
हाँ ! हाँ ! हूँ मैं 'बेरोज़गार'.




--कात्यायन पाण्डेय "घायल"

The DTC Chronicles

अंकल एक 10 की देना...

A few months ago I wrote about That Elusive (Bus) Seat highlighting how difficult it is to get into a bus in New Delhi and get a seat inside it, while talking about time tested strategies that I use to (hopefully) get one. Well, since then I have traveled a lot more and experienced a lot of other things about Delhi Transport Corporation.

Bus Pass

Till now I have been travelling in highly subsidized student bus pass. ROI time period was just 4 days and hence the rest of the month it felt like I was travelling for free! Of course, student bus pass don't work in the new AC buses. And I felt like whenever I needed a bus I could always find the Red one but not the Green one.

So, as soon as the student bus pass period ended, I started buying the daily citizen AC passes. Now, as usually it happens, only the green ones are available in the nick of time.

Over (the top) Crowding

Try travelling in a crowded Delhi bus. It really is an adventure to get mobbed! And that is why I travel backwards to get a seat. And when you get a seat it is really interesting to see how scores after scores of 'junta' would get inside the bus (interestingly seldom does anyone board out!). Just when you think that even a single person can't enter now, the conductor with his excellent crowd management would make way for 10 more! And this is where I learnt about the excellent flexibility of human body and nature :)

Smart travelers

A common DTC traveler has really become smart. He won't get up from his seat to buy the ticket/pass but just pass the money to others. One time, I waited 5 mins for somebody to go to conductor to buy his/her ticket. When no one got up, I had to do the job. To my surprise immediately at least 3 more people gave me the money to buy the ticket! And thanks to overcrowding, I spent literally half of my (50 mins) travelling time buying tickets/passes for others.

I also noticed something interesting. When you travel at night, people would come up to you and offer their passes to you, so that you can travel for free! I know it is illegal but good to see that Delhi people want to help each other.

AC-DC

You would think that AC buses would be empty or at least less crowded due to their higher fare slab. But the scorching Delhi heat and non existent standard buses have made sure that Red buses are as crowded as the green ones (thus negating any advantage you get by paying extra price).

"But at least you get to travel in AC?", you may say. Well try travelling in one during a summer afternoon. At least 2 times I have sweated inside those buses! You won't realise them to be AC until you are sitting just below the machine openings. I have wondered if they work on alternative sources like solar energy or DC-battery operated.

DTC conductors

When I wrote about Bluelines, I gave a special mention to their conductors. Well, DTC ones are no better. Many of them would enter the buses only when the bus is about to leave from it's starting point. What that means is that the everybody would surround him and haggle for ticket for the next half an hour. One time I noticed a conductor giving tickets/passes non-stop for 37 minutes without pausing for even a few seconds!

Recently I noticed a few lady conductors inside DTC buses. Now, I don't know if they really required the job or just wanted to prove to that they are not behind men in any field, or it's a new scheme of Delhi Govt. giving reservation to women in DTC. Anyways, it was good to see that 'junta' behaves properly with them.

And this is not it, there are a number of other instances where you are left wondering if it would be better to have your own vehicle (for the record, I am a fierce advocate of public transport). One thing is certain that buses running on Delhi roads are not enough. And while Delhi govt. is trying to improve the situation (recently it started its first private cluster in Central Delhi) but I still think I was right when I said that Blueline buses shouldn't have exited prematurely.

9/11 Promises: Review

Today is 9/11 yet again and it will be gross injustice to the previous 9/11 post if I don't review it today.

1. Weight 60+ Kgs: I tried for sometime but then just left it. I feel hopeless in this department. I don't even want to talk about it now. Let's move.

2. Promises be kept: In retrospect, I think this was a really vague promise I made. Because there just wasn't any set criteria for what will be considered as a promise, since I seldom use the word "I promise to...". Having said that, I think I did pretty good in the last one year, but still couldn't do a few things I "promised" to do (like meeting after promising!). Promising to keep up the promise all the time is insanely hard. I think it is better to be really careful while making promises.

3. Don't wait to be late: This was once again a disaster. I thought I was late even more times in the last one year than any other year. Total fail.

4. Concentrate to Meditate / Meditate to Concentrate: Tried out a lot of techniques of meditation, including guided meditation, meditation while lying down or walking, meditation while running or even while doing a task. And did get partial success. But still a proper 15-20 mins of meditation everyday is not in my success resume right now.

5. Either be one or forget it: I started revising my programming skills about 3 months back and have been doing regular (though not extreme) programming everyday for last 30 days or so. Not a success yet, but I think I have just made a good start.

6. buzzRSH > 50 posts: Now this is prime reason that I am writing this review :) Full success! (though it came dangerously close to being another failure.

7. It's a funny issue: I think I have done some good progress in this department (though friends will be able to tell better). I have moved on from the sad & painful period, and while set backs still come in life, I think I am getting better at handling them. What's amusing is that some of the issues that were causing discomfort turned out to be a non-issue later on! So, it's funny to say but I am happy :) Don't believe me? Read this!

8. Learn/Do something new: I started learning GIMP sometime ago and I made some good progress in that department. I also shared my progress (secretly!) with a selective few friends. I have also been trying to learn to sleep early and I am proud to say that for about 1 month I slept on or before 9.30 pm and around 10 pm for the past 2 months! Unfortunately, the Anna movement has disrupted the schedule and now will have to build it all over again. But now, I know I can sleep early!

9. Stop being afraid: Again it was a bit vague promise. I think I meant to say as to take far more initiatives, which, I did I would argue. So it was a fairly successful promise.

I made 2 more promises more for others (read family/friends) than for me (and also because 9 + 2 = 11 :) 

10. Get (a) mobile: I tried mates, but like a girlfriend, I think mobiles are not made for me (or the other way around?). The thing is that I really don't feel a need to keep mobiles, they just irritate me. I don't think, I will "never" get a mobile. But when exactly, I can't and won't promise (again). But to compensate for that I did something else "just for friends" (you know what I mean ;)

11. Get employed: I did complete this promise and though I could have done a better (or say smarter) job while getting a job, I am content with what I achieved, for now.

As I said when I started, I wasn't sure of completing even one of these. But I did do a few of them and I am proud of the fact. But, I also found out that I kept slacking initially and the real efforts came only in the last 3 months or so. So, I think instead of giving a list of virtually a new year resolutions, it's better to make just ONE promise and try and complete that before making another.

With that in mind, I will try and learn meditation now and get regular in this skill by the end of this year.

AnOSM Blog Story: After One Year

Story behind this blog is a long one and I would try to keep it short, just giving the relevant details and cutting off the fluff (and putting in the facts to the best of my memory).

This all started during the January of 2007. I was preparing for my engineering entrances. Around that time I got my hands on a short book about blogging. I knew just a little bit about blogs, then. I read the book from cover to cover and after reading it, I knew I wanted to have a blog of my own, one day.

But the problem was that I didn't have an Internet connection at home (broadband was just getting popular). And I wanted to have only good comprehensive researched articles on my blog (which, now I know, nobody reads!). And I wanted to have a regular set of readers who would expect consistency. I did make an account on Blogger and reserve a domain, played a little bit with the layout and so on. I also wrote 2-3 lines on the blog, promising to come back and write more but that never really came.

Then I got admission in college and other things took importance, one of my friends by that time had started his own blog and I always encouraged him to write more & more and better & better; because in a way I used to imagine, someday my blog also getting the similar kinds of reactions. In fact, whenever I came to know about any blog of my friends, I have made it a point to actually read it and comment. By doing that I was creating a ready-made followers for my own blog, without even starting it yet! (But my comments were and will always be genuine :).

Then during the winters of 2007-2008, I said "what the heck, let me start the blog, if it fails, then so be it". So, I wrote an article on the ongoing India-Australia test series (Cricket is one of the easiest topic an Indian can get to blog on!). But I never really got to publishing that one (again not having a net connection was the reason and pen drives weren't fully popular by then, so transferring data was also a pain).

So, again it went into a cold bag. Now, there is nothing more stressing than a work half done. While I got busy clearing the semesters, the thought of making the blog always remained buried inside. During the start of 2010 when I finally got an Internet connection, it was a perfect opportunity to start the blog, so I did go around in reserving a domain again and writing a short blog post.

But again there was this flaw in thinking, that my blog posts should be large and comprehensive to be taken seriously. So, once again I couldn't go beyond the first post (which was just an introduction and nothing else).

During the summer-break of 2010, I came up with another idea (I am usually good in devising ideas, it's the implementation that's mainly the problem :). The plan was that instead of writing a blog, why not go short and start a mini-blog of sort. So, I wrote this post to 8 of my closest friends. And after a writer's block of 1-2 weeks it finally started!

Writing blogs also follows the principle of inertia. When you haven't written for a long time, it is just kind of hard to start again. But once you somehow start writing (and posting) and getting encouraging responses, you are on a roll, and you start to crank up posts after posts. If you check out the archives section and see the the dates of my blog posts, you will see that my writing was stuck at least 2-3 times, but there have also been time, where I posted 2-3 times per week.

But persistence is the key. I persisted while facing difficulties and here we are! This blog is over one year old! Today I have a full fledged blog with over 50 posts and set of low numbered but consistent readers (friends :)! Hopefully, in next one year we will make it even bigger & better :)

Reserved Thoughts

So much has been said and acted upon reservation that it seems nothing else is left to be said or done. And yet, every year the same question arises again. I always wanted to say something of my own on this flaming topic. I know, a lot of people might not agree with what I say but what needs to be said, needs to be said.

I am from General Category. Which means I have never "enjoyed" reservation of any kind. And that leads to frustration; when you see other "less capable" students reaching where you want to reach. And in reality it doesn't serve any one, since those who eventually get admission also quickly realize that it they shouldn't have!

It is frustrating to see everyone and their dog enjoying reservation these days. Reservation for SC, ST, OBC categories, reservation for migrants, reservation for minorities of all kind, reservation for girls, reservation for handicapped, state quota, foreign quota, management quota, EWS quota... There are so many kinds of horizontal and vertical reservation that I believe General category students should also get a special reservation of their own! Don't get me wrong, I fully support some of these reservations. And had I been getting benefits of reservation somewhere, who knows I might have been supporting all kinds of reservations!

Having said that, I think if reservation has been granted after all, then it is idiotic not to take it. I see scores of seats go empty every year in college since there are no eligible students in the reserved category for them. I see women travel standing in the buses because some lazy ass men have occupied their reserved seats, and they are too chicken to ask for their own right.

Reservation in a way has been good for me too. Some of my bestest friends come from reserved category whom I might have not met if they weren't from their respective categories. Of course, counter arguments can be given that one is bound to find good friends wherever one goes, but as I look back, I am not ready to trade them with any one else.

I think reservation per se is not the main problem. For me the lack of sufficient resources is. Even if you abolish reservation fully, the cut throat competition will still exist. So until and unless we can generate enough resources the headache is not going anywhere. Think about it, if 120 students are sitting in an exam for 100 seats, do they really need reservation?

Tell me who among them needs/deserve reservation and who doesn't.

And the biggest malaise for reservation is not the reservation itself. It's the ill thoughts attached with reservation. Personally for me, caste is nothing to be talked about (just like religion). But, reserved category students are still thought of as "lower caste". Casteism is still strongly prevalent in educational structure (which is ironic, since main aim of education is to free us of this third world thinking). People instead of working hard to grab the opportunities are doing everything in their power to either get or stop reservation, which brings further hatred towards each other.

I think to an extent reservation is still needed. And in some cases (PH) it will always be needed. But it's important to not take it for granted. People who need reservation must be given, but it should also be taken promptly from those who don't need them any more without caring for vote bank/protest. Children need to be taught of value of hard-work rather than short-cut. "Quota to hai hi!" thinking must go, for good!

So, what's your own thinking about Reservation? Please let me know in the comment section. (please keep your reservation status away while giving your views!).

You "Mean" Teachers...

When I was in 2nd standard, I had a nexus with 2-3 kids; we used to sit close to each other during tests  and cheat from each other. As the time went on, I became better and better as a student but my cheating powers kept on diminishing. In fact, I became so bad in copying, that I have been caught 'cheating' even when I wasn't! And as one can imagine, a lot of my friends have also suffered due to this 'inability' of mine. Sometimes, they used to feel guilty that I was caught helping them cheat (but invigilator always thought it was me  :-/) while other times they would make me feel guilty saying they failed only because I couldn't help them cheat (:O).

Anyways, now that you know I am a path3tic cheater, we can move on to the actual topic for today, shall we!!

Last year, on our Teachers' Day I wrote a post about the teachers I have encountered in my life. I didn't tell you about my social science teacher in 3rd standard. After 2nd class, we got reshuffled in different sections and hence my nexus of cheaters was broken. So, now I was alone in this big cruel world of cheating (believe me this post is not about cheating!). I had never cheated alone, so it was bound to hit back. So, in a simple Social Science test, instead of learning, I preferred to write the answers at the same place of test notebook where I was supposed to give the test. The next day teacher caught me (again with my bad luck with cheating, it wasn't cheating that made her caught me) and then I was beaten with wood stick; so badly that my left ankle was bruised for 2 days.

As I grew up I got better in studies. I being an innocent child, used to think that the teacher by beating me, had changed my life, since I was never inclined to cheat in exams ever again. It's only in the last few years that I have realized that I am what I am NOT because of that stupid incident but because of the good things that happened to me later and I would have remained the same sans that incident.

And that's the whole point of writing this post. I am sure you would have been beaten by teachers as well. But today, think about how many times it was justified. I mean yes, I deserved punishment sometimes (I once tried to copy my teacher's signature on some 'late' work which in fact she was still to check, so I got slapped). But other times it was just plain cruelty (keeping the hands up for 1.5 hours in 4th standard, causing me to cry in pain for the whole next period, just because I didn't bring a freaking notebook).

I won't say that students should be given a free run, some form of restraint is definitely necessary (seeing the new generation and their behavior I think it is even compulsory). But I don't think kids in lower standards deserve such treatment. You must have heard horror stories of how the students got fractured or went into coma, or even died because of cruelty from their teachers. Well, believe me a lot of these incidents go unreported (because kids, like me, think that it was 'their fault'). I have experienced teachers punishing students by making the issues too personal (they won't teach until student X gets out of class).

I am not writing this to bash the teachers. I really respect some of the teachers that taught me, and I know even if they punished me it was for my own good (no, Not that 3rd standard teacher; she once slapped me because I entered her class 10 seconds after her). But they commanded so much respect that thought of letting them down was the biggest motivator for me.

Govt. and courts are doing there bit in making this physical punishment a crime. I hope we as a society also wake up and take notice of this issue. Here is wishing for better disciplined but pain free future for the small kids studying in schools right now (including my little brother).

And for my 3rd grade teacher, Mam I dedicate this to you...

Happy Teachers Day everyone!

(मेरा) झंड लोकपाल बिल!

आज कल हर कोई अपना बिल ले के आ रहा है| कल हमारी पार्लियामेंट में उन सभी की चर्चा होनी है| तो आनन् फानन में मैंने भी एक बिल तैयार किया है:

मेरा बिल भी लाओ! (Taken from Flickr under CC license)

१. प्रधानमंत्री को जनता के दाएरे में लाया जाए| बल्कि मैं तो कहता हूँ की पडोसी देशो के प्रधानमंत्री भी हमारे दायरे में होने चाहियें| उनका ईमेल और ट्विटर/फेसबुक अकाउंट सार्वजनिक किया जाए| २ दिन के अन्दर जवाब न मिलने पर उन्हें तकनीकी रूप से सक्षम ना होने के कारण हटा दिया जाए| राहुल जी को जल्दी से जल्दी पीऍम बनाया जाए|

२. लोअर ही नहीं लोएस्ट ब्यूरोक्रेसी भी लोकपाल के अन्दर आये| वो गेट पर खड़े चोकीदार अंकल और डॉक्टर की दूकान पर कंपाउंडर  अंकल भी कई बार हीरो बनने की चेष्टा करते हैं| टीचर ही नहीं लैब अस्सिस्तंत की भी झंड होनी चाहिए|

३. बिजली वाले अंकल जितनी देर बिजली काटें उनके घर भी उतनी देर की बिजली कटौती होनी चाहिए, तब उनकी भी झंड होगी| साला, जब मन करता है बिजली उड़ा देते हैं X(

४. ये इन्टरनेट वाले अंकल भी कई बार बहुत ही झंड स्पीड देते हैं| १० मिनट में प्रॉब्लम सही ना होने पर उनकी घर के कनेक्शन की स्पीड हमें मिलनी चाहिए (और पाईरेसी पूरी तरह वैध करार दी जानी चाहिए)|

५. जोइनिंग डेट जल्दी ना मिलने पर आधी कंपनी हमारे नाम कर देनी चाहिए|

६. सारी अदालतें लोकपाल के घेरे में होनी चाहिए| इससे अगर फैसला हमारे हक़ में ना आये तो उन अदालतो को भ्रष्ट बता कर उनकी भी झंड कर दी जाए|

७. देश के हर एक धर्मं, जाति, पंथ, लिंग, क्षेत्र आदि का प्रतिनिधि लोकपाल में शामिल होना चाहिए| और कोटा तो हर हाल में लागु होना चाहिए (चाहे कट ऑफ कितनी भी गिरानी पड़े, परवाह नहीं)|

८. बीसीसीआई भी लोकपाल के दायरे में आनी चाहिए| अगर वो आने इनकार करे तो जबरदस्ती करनी चाहिए| जिसने देश की क्रिकेट के शोषण किया हो उसका खुद भी तो शोषण जरूरी है?

९. लोकपाल को स्विस बैंक से काला धन वापस लाना चाहिए| काला धन ना मिले तो गोरा वाला ही उठा लाना चाहिए| अगर वो भी ना मिले स्विस बैंक का खुद का धन उठा लायें| हमें तो भाई धन से मतलब है|

१०. सारी फ़ोन कंपनियों के सीइओ के फ़ोन नंबर सार्वजनिक किये जाएँ| जिसेस जनता उनकी कंपनियों से आने वाले फालतू फ़ोन और मेसेज उनके खुद के नंबर पर फॉरवर्ड कर पाए| तब उन्हें पता चलेगा की खुंदक क्या चीज़ होती है|

नोट: इस बिल का किसी भी पार्टी विशेष से लेना देना नहीं है| यह पूरी तरह से काल्पनिक है|

अन्ना जी की झंड करने के उपाय (व्यंग)

ये अन्ना जी आज कल कुछ ज्यादा ही हीरो बन रहे हैं| उन्होने सरकार की वाट लगा के रक्खी है| मुझसे ये बर्दाश्त नहीं हो रहा (गर्रर...)| इसलिए मैंने अपनी सर्वलोकप्रिय सरकार के लिए काफी गहन अध्यन के बाद १३ सूत्री फ़ॉर्मूला तैयार किया है:

1. अन्ना जी ने सरकार को आतंकित कर रखा है| इसलिए उन्हें आतंकवादी घोषित करके पोटा जैसा कोई छोटा-मोटा कानून लगा दिया जाए| नॉन-स्टेट एक्टर तो वो पहले से ही हैं!


2. क्यूंकि अन्ना जी ने देश की जनता को भ्रष्टाचारियों से अलग करने का प्रयत्न किया है इसलिए उन्हें अलगाववादी बताया जाए| ऐसा करने से हमारी "अनेकता में एकता" के सदियों पुरानी परम्परा पर गहरा घाव पड़ा है|


3. सरकार अन्ना जी से भ्रष्टाचार की स्पेल्लिंग देश की हर भाषा में पूछे| जिस जिस भाषा में ना बता पायें उन्हें उस भाषा के लोगोँ के खिलाफ बताया जाए|


4. परमपूजनीय मनीष तिवारी जी को अन्ना जी के खिलाफ रैली निकालने को कहा जाए| जिस तरह से उन्होने अन्ना जी को भ्रष्ट कहा है, मुझे लगता है की पूरे भारतवर्ष में उनसे ज्यादा साफ़ दिल नेता कोई है ही नहीं| जनता अवश्य साथ देगी|


5. अमरीका और संघ परिवार से तो जनता मानी नहीं| अगर हम ये कह दें की अन्ना जी के पीछे पाकिस्तान का हाथ है तो मुझे पूरा भरोसा है की जनता जरूर मान जायेगी| हमारा पडोसी मुल्क और कब काम आएगा?


6. सरकार अपने बिल का नाम "जन लोकपाल बिल" रख दे| फिर नाम को कॉपीराईट करवा ले| इस तरह से सरकार का काम भी हो जाएगा और लोगों को जन लोकपाल बिल भी मिल जाएगा!


7. सरकार हर टीवी चैनल द्वारा हर समय सास बहु की जगह अन्ना की रसोई कार्यक्रम दिखवाये| इस तरह इस देश की आधी जनता वैसे ही अन्ना जी के खिलाफ हो जायेगी|


8. सरकार अन्ना जी को पंजा लड़ाने का चेलेंज दे| जो जीत जाए उसका बिल पास हो| मुझे ज़रा भी संदेह नहीं है की ७ दिन भूका आदमी हार ही जाएगा (बशर्ते हमारे प्रधानमंत्री मैदान में ना उतरें)| अगर सरकार को पंजा लड़ना पसंद नहीं है तो गुल्ली डंडा, खो-खो, कबड्डी, कुश्ती, कंचे जैसे अनेको खेल हैं| अगर सरकार चाहे तो मैच फिक्स भी कर सकती है!


9. सरकार (मुझ जैसे) बेरोजगार लोगोँ को नरेगा के तहत अन्ना जी के खिलाफ बोलने का काम दे दे| मैं पक्के तौर पे कह सकता हूँ की इस देश में बेरोजगारों की संख्या इमानदारों से कहीं ज्यादा है| हम अन्ना जी के साथ खड़े लोगोँ से ज्यादा बड़ा मोर्चा निकालेंगे|


10. सरकार अन्ना जी का समर्थन कर रहे लोगोँ का राशन कार्ड रद्द कर दे तथा अन्ना जी का समर्थन करने वालोँ का भी भूख हड़ताल पर बैठना अनिवार्य कर दे| इस तरह से आज कल के नौजवान जो आज कल ज्यादा उछल, कल परसों में अपने आप शांत हो जायेंगे|


11. सरकार अन्ना जी को वादा कर दे की अगर वो अपना अनशन वापस ले लें तो सौ-एक दिनो में सरकार उनका बिल ले आएगी| सौ दिन हो जाने पर सरकार वादे से मुकर जाए और फिर से अन्ना जी से सौ दिन का वादा करे| ऐसा करते करते सरकार अपना कार्यकाल पूरा कर लेगी और लोग भी बार-बार प्रोटेस्ट करके बोर हो जायेंगे|
    


12. सरकार अन्ना जी के साथ ही मिल जाए| फिर अन्ना जी किसके खिलाफ आवाज उठाएंगे| हेहेहे|


13. इससे भी बढ़िया सरकार अन्ना जी को अपने में मिला ले| जनता वैसे भी हर मंत्री के खिलाफ है ;)

मुझे पूर्ण विश्वास है की अगर सरकार इसे पूरी "इमानदारी" से अपनाएगी तो अन्ना जी की हम जरूर झंड कर देंगे (अगर न कर पाए तो हमारी झंड हो जायेगी :( )

Taken from Flickr under CC license

(नोट: इस पोस्ट के पीछे सिर्फ मेरा हाथ है)

Corruption: A Different Perspective

Taken From Flickr, under CC License

Corruption: (from Google Dictionary)

• Dishonest or fraudulent conduct by those in power, typically involving bribery
• The action of making someone or something morally depraved or the state of being so

Corruption is a hot potato right now in India. Dozens of scams are being unearthed and investigated. Some of them date years back. While I am tempted to comment on them or say how Indian govt and bureaucracy and everything in between has become corrupt and how there doesn't seem to be any way out of it etc. etc. Because it is really easy to shoot a hurt goose!

But, I instead choose to focus on the corruption closer to me, because unlike the multi-thousand crore scams being talked about right now, I can actually relate to the acts of corruption happening all around me.

Corruption in Services

• I have got a medical certificate made bypassing long queue by giving money to the compounder of doctor.
• I have got a few Original certificates attested after giving money simply because all the gazetted officers I went to were either not available or didn't have time to do such "stupid small thing". My other option was to attest it myself using fake stamps!
• When I got my MTNL telephone connection for the first time in 1999, the technicians asked for money by themselves before proceeding any further. Not only that, since the telephone connections were a rarity at that time, they behaved as if they were doing us a favor by giving us a connection.
• Recently I applied for a passport. And it was almost granted that the verifying officer would have to be given "his share" if the the process needs to go without hiccups.
• I believe a lot of traffic officers are morally sound, but every time you see them stopping someone, you can't help but assume they will ask for bribe (just notice people staring at the officers!).
• Of course, (almost) everyone knows about ticket checkers in trains/buses.

Corruption in studies

• You give donations and you can get admission in a hi-fi engineering / management college under "management quota"; never-mind your qualification and capabilities.
• I have experienced teachers doing favoritism both in school as well as in college (sometimes based on gender!). And I won't mind saying, I have gaining party many times because of that (but have been on loosing side even more!). Sometimes I appealed, sometimes I didn't; but I have never been in favor of favoritism.
• I am not really a great cheater, so I don't cheat during exams (thankfully most of the times I don't need to), but I have been guilty of helping friends sometimes. Now, we can debate all day about whether it is OK or not; but I feel there is no exam in the world failing in which will end your life.

Corruption in me

• I have copied assignments/files a lot of time. But, when you find that your hard work is not rewarded you can't help but feel that spending hours digging out answers is not worth it. Having said that, corruption is corruption and nothing justifies it.
• I feel procrastination is a form of corruption too. You have got mountain of work in front of you. You feel overwhelmed and chicken out and instead spend whole day watching TV series. The guilt at the end of the day vindicates that it was after all, an act of corruption.
• There have been so many times, where I have broken promises, to myself, to friends and to family, most of the times due to avoidable reasons. If mind is pure and honest, we can save ourselves of these types of embarrassment.

Of course, one has the right to feel hurt and angry when we see that deserving are not getting enough opportunities. When the hard earned money gets drained by inept officials or gets stashed in the accounts of greedy ones, the temperature automatically rises, no doubt. So, when one Anna Hazare rises to fight it, it is not just a choice but an obligation to support him in every way possible. 

But the biggest contribution to this fight that we can make is keeping ourselves and our surrounding (friends, loved ones) corruption free and do our duty with full zeal. Because if you are corrupt and call any one else a corrupt, you are just a hypocrite. Because there is nothing like small act or big act of corruption. Corruption after all, is just corruption, that's it.

Jai Hind!

Happy? Independence Day

The Indian Tiger. Sleeping.. or Defeated?

Few days back, I was having a "free country vs dictator-ruled country" debate with a friend on Twitter. I of course, being a proud Indian, was on free country side. But, she surprisingly said "I would prefer to live in a Dictator ruled country". Of course, I didn't agree with the arguments she gave but after what I have experienced in recent days, it got me thinking if India was really the country to be worth living in?

After the recent terrorists attacks in Mumbai, sentiments were really (and naturally) high. I got to read an article from DNA, where someone named Swami had given his "esteemed" views on how to eradicate the "Islamic" terrorism from this country. Well in the first few lines itself, he started talking about Hindus and stuff, and I really couldn't stand that. Because for me, terrorism has no religion. If you catch a Muslim terrorists, he is a lunatic. If you catch a Hindu terrorist, he also is a lunatic. I don't see any difference. So, I just skimmed the article to see if there is any sense in this madness. At one point the guy talks about, Muslims can join the fight if "they acknowledge with pride that though they may be Muslims, their ancestors were Hindus."

Well what the heck is that? I don't know much of about 'that' history. So what he said may or may not be true. But does it matter? To me it was purely provocative piece without much point of tackling the real issue. The matter could have been closed there. But to me, the real problem started when the article and the guy started trending on Twitter. I thought people will trash him and his article. Some people did, but to my surprise a lot of people even supported him! Some said he had the right to speak whatever he felt like, while a few even found merit in his article (please do read it and tell me where is the merit, I may be mistaken).

So, now my question is, why does it matter so much that if I am a Hindu or a Muslim? To tell the truth I have my own version of God, but I do respect all the religions. I visit temples, churches, shrines, gurudwaras without any bias because I find solace/peace/bliss there. People say all religions teach love. I wonder if they also teach respecting others' sentiments.

Last week, I was checking out a bollywood song video on YouTube. Nothing to talk about video, but when I saw the comments, I was shocked. Instead of trashing/praising the song, people were abusing each other (apparently it was India vs Pakistan going on there) for no foreseeable reason.

India has experienced quite a few riots since Independence (shamefully even in this 21st century). We have developed hatred towards other countries (Pakistan, Bangladesh), heck we even hate the people of our own country. We may have abolished untouchability, but I still see people thinking someone as lower than them just because they belong to the so called "lower caste". We still haven't been able to give equal rights to half of our population. We are still neck deep in corruption, just trying to fill our own coffers.

Of course, India is progressing and I enjoy it becoming a superpower, inch by inch everyday. But it really hurts to see that we are suffering from so many of these problems which are rarely heard of in majority of countries of the world. I believe for any country, people living happily and peacefully is all that matters, not how much economic progress we are making.

So, I wonder if India would have been better served without Independence? Now, please thrash me for making such a statement, because I want people to come forward and tell me how is India better in its current state. I know we have a high sense of patriotism, but I still feel that we are divided. So much that some bloody bastards cause some random explosion and make us start to suspect each other. Instead of catching them, we start to spew venom against each other.

I know you must have read such sceptical/negative articles before also. And you may have rubbished them (I have), ignored them, but there is a reason why a few people "genuinely" write such stuffs: for us, to think about it for a moment. We are just clinging on the hope that tomorrow we will progress, we will become better. But what about making today better?

Happy Independence day everybody!

जिंदगी भी सही मजाक है!

Note: This is NOT Poem. This is Life.

जितना चाहे पढ़ लो इसे,

मगर पूछती ऐसे सवाल है, जिनका होता नहीं जवाब है,

बिना इंडेक्स की थकेली किताब है,

ज़िंदगी भी सही मजाक है|

जब छोटा था तो बड़े होने की जल्दी थी,

अब बड़ा हूँ, तो बचपन याद आता है,

वो टाइम मशीन बनाने वालोँ का क्या हिसाब है?

ज़िंदगी भी सही मजाक है|

जब चीटिंग करो तो पकड़े जाओ,

जब चीटिंग ना करो तो भी पकड़े जाओ,

भैंस की आँख, अपनी तो तो किस्मत ही खराब है,

ज़िंदगी भी सही मजाक है|

कुत्ते के तरह पढो, तो नंबर नहीं आते,

खयाली पुलाव पकाने पे रिकॉर्ड टूट जाते हैं,

अपना तो एजुकेशन सिस्टम ही लाजवाब है,

ज़िंदगी भी सही मजाक है|

जब भी मैंने किसी चीज़ को बड़ी ही शिद्दत से चाहा,
तो पूरी कायनात मेरी वाट लगाने में लग गयी,
कभी-कभी तो पूरी दुनिया ही लगती खिलाफ है,  
ज़िंदगी भी सही मजाक है|

दोस्त अक्सर पूछते हैं,
के मेरी कंकाली का क्या राज है,
बावड़ी पून्छो, जो तुम खा जाते थे,
वो मेरी दिन-भर की खुराक है,  
ज़िंदगी भी सही मजाक है|

कह-कह के "फेसबुक झकास है, झकास है",

बच्चे की जान ले ली,
और अगर मैं ट्विट्टर यूज़ करूँ,
तो वो लगता सबको बकवास है,  
ज़िंदगी भी सही मजाक है|

इत्ती मेहनत से ये ब्लॉग बनाया, दर्जनो पोस्ट लिख मारे,
तो लोग कहते हैं, "यार एक बात बताओ, तुम्हारे पास नहीं कोई काम-काज है?",
सही कहा दोस्तोँ, बेरोजगारी के दिन है,

आजकल तो साली  ज़िंदगी भी लगती मजाक है|

What do you Love?: Twitter

Miss the lady with the phone :'(

Under "What do you Love?" series, I have previously talked about Linux and Google. Today I am going to talk about another thing I absolutely Love: Twitter. (Note: you can click any of the screen-shots below to go to the original tweet! :)

I joined twitter in February 2010...

My first tweet :) 

Initially I would use it just to share any news I came across web because I found it easier to share on twitter (as compared to other SNS) due to some extensions.

At first, I didn't follow many people except a few friends who also had made an account just to try out the service.

But, as I kept using it, twitter did make me feel that I was talking to Sachin or Aamir...

For months I didn't use it much. But suddenly something happened. A few friends joined. I am not saying Twitter was crappy before, but it suddenly became awesome!

By that time new Twitter came!

While some of the friends went away (I don't expect my friends to like everything I love. Use FB, be happy :) but I stuck with it.

As days passed by, I found a few new and unexpected friends who incidentally also liked Twitter as much as me.

And as a result this year, I went into Twitter overdrive. Now, I have been tweeting like/about anything!...

It could be something deep...

It could be something (not so :) funny....

It could be retweeting interesting stuffs...

It could be egging friends...

Or sharing stories about them...

It could be about frustration from twitter...

Or something else...

It could be having serious conversation...

Or stupid ones...

Or secret ones...

It could be giving advice...

Or getting one...

It could be participating in Twitter trends...

Or ridiculing them...

It could be asking questions...

It could be trying out new things, inside Twitter...

It could be giving reviews to movies...

Or the Albums/Songs I liked...

It could be sharing insights about my little brother's life as he keeps growing...

It could going away from twitter...

Or coming back...

It could be celebrating milestones...

Or as it always has been, sharing stuffs...

Well I can go on and on. But the simple fact is that, twitter has changed my life (I hope for good). I know, I am a little addicted to it. And I also know that addiction of any kind is not good, so I am trying to find a balance (after all it's "just a service" :). But I am really thankful for twitter, for giving a shy guy a voice, a place where he can be his true self without being shameful for that.