September 11, 2017

Back from the dead - Don’t Complain.

In January 2015, I wrote a post called Consistent and Reliable expressing my desire to be more and consistent and reliable in my life in general and in blogging specifically. 

I have written exactly 2 posts after that (this being the 2nd). And this 2nd post is coming after full 2 years (to be fair, I did write a little bit on Medium this year) .  So much for being Consistent and Reliable” . This has become a butt of joke between me and my friends! 

Anyways, today is my birthday (just in case you didn’t know ;) . And it’s always a time for me to contemplate (as opposed to celebrate). 2 years ago, on my birthday, I wrote an honest post about my frustration stemming from how we are progressing as a society. Today I want to talk about Complaining.
I talk to a lot of people in my friend circle and otherwise, and I have felt that everyone of us is  struggling. Some of us may have our lives more sorted than others, but the struggle’ binds us all together. 

And in all that struggle and misfortunes, there is a natural tendency to blame our life/fate/God/Universe for the screwed up experiences that we are going through. I have time and again done that (still do). But I have also come to realize that Universe isn’t in support or against anyone. Universe is just indifferent. It just doesn’t care about us or our feelings. It has its own agenda, its own time clock, and if you don’t fit in its grand scheme of things, then it doesn’t matter to the Universe. 

I have started to believe that Complaining serves no purpose, other than providing us temporarily emotional relief from all that bitching, and the safety of feeling like a victim. It doesn’t solve any problem,  only makes us pity ourselves (thus making us feel even worse) and probably get some sympathy from others. 

Here, I want to make a distinction between "Complaining" and "Sharing our feelings and concerns" with others. Sharing our emotions, whether sadness, grief, frustration, loneliness makes us feel connected, which in turn gives us strength.
Let's not kid, there are real struggles in our life, sickness, losing someone, losing a job, depression etc. And if we try to suppress these issues and pretend everything is alright, that would only aggravate the issue. Sharing it with someone, being vulnerable comes from the point of accepting that we have an issue and it’s making us feel Not-happy. And once we accept we have an issue, then comes the question, what are we going to do about it? 

Complaining on the other hand is just about releasing tension on something or someone without going to the crux of the matter - Can something be done to solve the core issue, or at least mitigate the consequences? So complaining, in my opinion, is useless,  unless we are ready to do something about it. 

As much as we can pretend to be helpless’ and just letting us "off the hook", the cold fact remains that we can almost always do at least something about it.

We might have lost our job all of a sudden; unfair agreed. But can we try to find another one, which might pay less but at least pay our bills? 

We might have lost a loved one; it’s harsh. There is no replacing him or her. But can we try to accept the reality and at least try to move on? 

We always remain sick, not cool. But can we consult a doctor and find a root cause, do some exercise to make us stronger? 

Well the above solutions might be superficial or trivial compared to your problems. What I want to say is that by through complaining keep looking at the unfair past for so long that we forget there is also our present and future which is at stake. I now believe that we have no right to complain, unless we have at least tried to resolve the issue. 

The struggle is a reality, as much as we try to run away from it. So, complain if you must. But then also decide and take action to do something about your issue. 

Action is the only antidote my friend. 

PS : I wrote it more as a reminder to myself, than for giving sermons to anyone. But, if you have read it, would really like it if you contemplate and even debate about it.

PPS  : Happy Birthday to myself. Unlike me, my birthday is Consistent and Reliable. ;)