December 31, 2012

12 Random Wishes for 2012: A Review

On the first day of this year, I had made 12 random top-of-the-mind wishes. Today being the last day of the year, it's appropriate we do a quick review of them. Here we go:

1. Sachin gets his 100th 100. 
Yes, he got it, finally! Then he got another one after that. Then he retired from One Day Internationals.

2. India wins The Series Down Under.
They were thrashed 0-4 instead and went Down Under pretty badly. But Dravid getting bowled again and again and again, hurt even more.

3. Roger makes it his "Grand Slam" year.

No he didn't. But he did win his favorite Grand Slam of the year and was there at the top for a brief period of time! Plus this time we had 4 different winners for the 4 Slams, which is happening after a really-really long time in Men's Tennis. Hence, it wasn't bad either.

4. MSC wins a race in the last Championship of his life.
No, he couldn't. And he retired without much fan-fare. But I did attend the Indian GP after all! And I could see him race live in front of my own eyes. It was a dream come true and it was awesome!

5. I learn to say "You are Welcome".
No, if you come uninvited, I still don't. You are welcome, thank you very much.

6. Lokpal Bill gets passed.
Well some kind of Lokpal Bill did pass in Parliament, but it wasn't the one people were hoping for. Worse, the issue of corruption seems to have gone in cold storage now.

7. India wins loads of Golds this Olympics.
They won none. But they did win 6 medals overall, which was the best performance by the country in terms of the number of medals earned in one Olympics! And that gives hope for a better sports future in India.

8. This blog gets even more awesome.
Well if you consider the number of posts year wise, it has dipped compared to last year. And that is bad, because it shows inconsistency. But if you look at the kind of topics I have covered and the styles I have used, I think the blog DID get even more awesome! I started a novel-style story, decoded the Kolaveri, trolled on Valentine, wrote a number of poems both in English and Hindi, kept on experimenting and introduced a brand new blog. Phew!

9. They reconstruct the lanes in my colony.
Yes, they did construct one lane. But it wasn't the lane passing by my home. It was the lane next to it. Damn sons of politicians!

10. I get a girl.
Yeah, you must laughing your guts out there reading this one. I don't blame you. You earned it!

11. I learn Telugu.
Naaku Telugu Raadhu!.... Happy?

12. The world does not end.
For the kind of negativity that's going around in the world, especially the space nearby me, I wish I hadn't wished for this wish to be true.

Well this year like every other year, wasn't just filled with happy memories, as we wish each other every time on a New Year's Day. There were some bad and some ugly moments as well. But the mixture of all that is what life is about, and that actually is what makes an year memorable. And as you can see in the 12 wishes above, we can wish a lot but the nature has its own way of playing the game. All we can do is to play along with the best of our abilities.

I also want to take this moment to thank each and everyone who were a part of my life in 2012 in anyway, because you shaped how the year turned out to be for me. You might not read this, and you might not reply after reading, but I am grateful to you.

And 2012, you will be remembered!

December 30, 2012


[*LOL: Love Only Love]

 Caution: This mostly contains slap-stick low-level comedy, with a lot of inside jokes involving close friends. So if you don't already know about it, you should probably skip reading it. You have been warned!!

Prologue: This is an imaginary story heavily inspired by real life friends. No animals (or friends) were harmed while making this story. This story was started by Skand and has been completed by RavS as part of a challenge.

(Skand's version...)

Part 1 : गधे का प्यार

"I luv u... think I like u..."

ऐसा  एक  गधे  ने  एक  गधी  को  कहा...

सुन  कर  ये  गधी  तो भाव खाने लगी..

गधा  बोला: ओए गधी...मैं  घोड़ी  पटाने  वाला  गधा  हूँ... वो तो  तेरी  किस्मत  अच्छी   है .... और  तू  साली   भाव  ही  खाए  जा  री  है...

गधी : हम्म  हम्म ........सुनाई नि दिया....ज़रा फिर कहो..

गधा: जा साली गधी....एक गधी का बाप बनने से  तो  अच्छा  है  एक  खच्चर  का  पापा  बनूँ ...

(RavS version starts here.. :)

ये  कह  कर  गधा  वहां  से  निकल  लेता  है .

Part 2: गधे  का  अफ़सोस

(गधा  जा  कर  DTC के  बस  स्टॉप  पर  बैठ  जाता  है . उसे  कुछ  सुकून  चाहिए . वैसे  भी  DTC की  बस  1-2 घंटे  से  पहले  कहाँ आती है).

गधा  अपने  आप  से : एक  तो  दिन  भर  गधो  की  तरह  काम  करो  फिर  इस  गधी  के  नखरे  सहो. उसके  पापा  ने  तो  Merc भी  नहीं  दिलाई . बाद  में  दिला  दूंगा , बाद  में  दिला  दूंगा कह  कर  मुझे  तो  गधा ही बना  दिया .
हे  भगवान्  अगले  जनम  मुझे  गधा  न  कीजो ...

इतना कह कर गधा वहां बैठे बैठे अपनी फूटी किस्मत और बेकार प्लेसमेंट को लेकर रोने लगता है .

Part 3: गधे  का  दोस्त 

(कहते  हैं , कुत्ता  इंसान  का  सबसे  वफादार  दोस्त  होता  है . गलत! कुत्ता  गधे  का best friend होता  है . (इसलिए जो लोग  कुत्ता  पालते  हैं, उन्हें लोग  गधा  कहते  हैं (no offence to Dog Owners))).

गधे  का  दोस्त  कुतियन  अपनी मस्ती  में  जा  रहा  था, तभी  उसने  गधे  को  परेशान  देखा.

कुतियन: और  भाई, गधे  क्या  बात  है ? यहाँ  मुहं   लटकाए  क्यूँ  बैठे  हो?

गधा: कुछ  नहीं  यार , धरम -पत्नी  से  ego clash हो  गया  आज . चल  मेरी  छड , तू  सुना , कहाँ  था  इतने  दिन?

कुतियन: कहीं  नहीं  यार , वो  मेरे  IPeeU के  पेपर  चल  रहे  थे| पेपर  दे -दे  के  कुत्ते  जैसी  हालत  हो  गयी, by God. But अब  जब  exams ख़तम  हो  गए  हैं  तो  बेरोजगार  हूँ , और  आवारा  कुत्तों  की  तरह  इधर  उधर  घूम  रहा  हूँ .

Part 4: गधी  की  पीड़ा

(जैसे  ही गधा  घर  से  बाहर  निकला, गधी  रोने  लगी )

गधी  मन  में : ये  भी  मेरी  भावनाएं  नहीं  समझते। मुझे  आज  कल  सुनने  में  परेशानी होती है  (नोट: ऐसा  फुल  वोलूम  में  दिन -रात  सास  बहु  देखने  से  हुआ था।) और  इन्होने  तो  गलत  ही  समझ  लिया . कहाँ  आ  कर  फँस  गयी  हूँ . आखिर  मैं  एक  गधी  हूँ , मेरे  भी  कुछ  rights हैं.

इनसे  कहा  मेरा  बड्डे आने  वाला  है अगले सितम्बर  में . मुझे  एक  Android phone, Kindle ebook reader, और एक Macbook Pro चाहिए , कोई  गिफ्ट  कर  देना  प्लीज़.

कहते  हैं , "do u think I am A Raja? इतने  पैसे  कहाँ  से  आयेंगे ? तेरे  बाप  ने  मुझे  Merc तो  दिलाई  नहीं ". अब  इन्हें  क्या  पता  मेरे  बाप  ने  मुझे  कभी  एक  Perk नहीं  दिलाई, Merc  तो  दूर  की  बात  है .

Part 5: कुतियन  का  आईडिया

कुतियन : यार  ये  अब  इतना  उदास  मत  हो , चल  तेरा  मूड रंगीन करता  हूँ, let's go to India gate! मैंने  सुना  कोई  latest बाबा  वहां  पर  भूक -हड़ताल  कर  रहे  हैं , और  लोगोँ  को  बुलाने  के  लिए  भंडार  लगवाया  है , वहीँ  चल  के  मुंह   मारते  हैं। व्हाट  से  ब्रो!!

गधा : लेकिन  मुझे  कुछ  काम  है  अभी।

कुतियन : प्लीज़  चल  ले  यार, प्लीज़, इसके  बाद  कुछ  नहीं  मांगूंगा तुझसे। आज  कल  वैसे  ही  घर  पर  बैठे -बैठे  बोर  हो  गया  हूँ। घर  वाले  भी  ताने  मारते  हैं, तेरे सब  कुत्ते दोस्तोँ  की  placement हो  गयी, तुझे  क्या  municipality वाले भरती करेंगे?

गधा : चल  ठीक  है, बट  बस  तो  आने  दे . मेरे पास पास है।

कुतियन: कर  दी  न  गधों   वाली  बात। यार  डेल्ही  में  रह  कर  मेट्रो  में  नहीं  जाएगा  तो  क्या  फायदा?

Part 6: Talk in a Metro

(मेट्रो  में  इतनी   भीड़  होती  है , असली  ‘cattle class’ तो  इसमें  ही  मिलती  है )

गधा: और  सुना  लाइफ  में  क्या  चल  रहा  है ? और  कोई  गर्लफ्रेंड  बनायीं  या  नहीं? You promised me 2 years ago. याद  है ?

कुतियन: हाँ  यार  याद  है। लेकिन , गर्लफ्रेंड  कोई  किराने  की  दूकान पर  तो  मिलती  नहीं। वेल , मेरा  किसी  पे  crush था। लेकिन  सब  उसे  bitch कहते  थे। So, I dropped the idea.

गधा: क्या  बकवास  है|

कुतियन: GF की  बातें  छोड़। और  सुना  कोई  मूवी वगेरह  देखी recently?

गधा : हाँ  अभी  3-4 movies डाउनलोड  की  हैं  लेटेस्ट. चक्रव्यूह, बर्फी, वेदम, उड़ान, गब्बर सिंह, सिंघम , राजनीटी, The Dark Knight Rises, Senna, 127 Hours, TED. अगली  बार  मिलेंगे तो  Pen Drive ले  आना, और खुद की भी मूवीज लेके आना .  OK?

कुतियन: LOL.

गधा: अबे  तेरी  बात-बात  पे  LOL कहने  की  आदत  नहीं  गयी  अभी तक?

कुतियन: ओह , सॉरी। वो  OK कहना  था, LOL निकल  गया। LOL.

गधा: बकवास  बंद  कर। और  तू  कुछ  लेता  क्योँ  नहीं? क्या  मरियल  कुत्ते  जैसी  हालत  बना  रखी  है|

कुतियन : Well जॉब  लगते  ही  घर  वाले  शादी  करा  देंगे. मैंने  सुना  है, marriage के  बाद  सब मोटे  हो  जाते  हैं. तुझे  ही  देख  लो. LOL.

गधा : साले, नाम  मत  ले  उस  गधी  का ...

कुतियन: :D

गधा: ये :D क्या है?

कुतियन: अबे ये LOL का smiley है, तुझे programming से फुर्सत मिले तब पता होगा ना! लोल.

Part 7: भैंस  की... एंट्री!

 (किसी  तरह  गिरते  पड़ते  दोनो  इंडिया  गेट  पहुंचते  हैं... )

 कुतियन: Shit man, बाबा  को  ओसामा  का  चाचा  घोषित  कर  पुलिस  उठा  ले  गयी. और भंडारा  भी  cancel हो  गया. Govt. का  कहना  हैं, खाना  बनाने  के  पीछे  विदेशी ताकतों के गंदे हाथ  हैं|

(गधा  उदास  हो  जाता  है , सुबह  से  कुछ  नहीं  खाया  था ... जो  थोडा  भोत  लंच  था  वो  हमेशा  की  तरह  दोस्तोँ  ने  खा-पी  कर  चट  कर  दिया  था)

कुतियन: अबे  उदास  मत  हो, मेरे  पास  5 MegaPixel का  फ़ोन है, मस्त  फोटो  खीचते  हैं  3-4 घंटे! पहले  मैं  तेरी  खीचूँगा, फिर  तू  उसी  पोसे  में  मेरी.

(थोड़ी  देर  फोटो-सेशन  चलता  है...
अभी  भी  चल  रहा  है...
अभी  थोड़ी  देर  और ...
Narrator: यार  बंद  करो , भैंस  की  एंट्री  भी  होने  दो  X-(
फोटो  खीचते  हुवे, कुतियन की  नजर  दूर  घडी  भैंस  पे  जाती  है

Narrator: Yay! ;-)

कुतियन: अबे  गधे  वो  देख , क्या  हॉट  भैंस  है!

गधा: हाँ  यार! फिगर  कोई  Britney से  कम  नहीं  होगा। आज  कल  की  भैंसें  खुद  को  मेन्टेन  रखने  के  लिए  सिर्फ  सलाद  (घास) खाती  हैं!

कुतियन: इसे  देख  कर  तो  लगता  है  की  काश  मैं  “He & She” का  He होता  और  वो She. Happy   ending होती , By God. LOL.

गधा: अबे  अपनी  height  देख  और  उसकी height.

कुतियन: अबे  वैसे  भी  मुझे  हमेशा  से , अपने  से  बड़ी  साइज़  की  ही  चाहिए  थी!

Part 8: घर  में  गधी

(यहाँ  गधी  का  रो -रो  कर  बुरा  हाल  था. नोट : गधी  actually एक  भारतीय  गधी  है , जो  गाल  पे  आंसूं  बर्दाश्त  कर  सकती  है, पर  होटो  पे  किसी  की  दी  हुई  एक  शिकन  तक  बर्दाश्त   नहीं  करेगी ))

गधी: ये  गधे  भी  सही  बावड़ी  पूँछ  होते हैं. एक  फ़ोन  तक  नहीं  खरीद  सकते. जब  फ़ोन  लेने  के  लिए  कहा, तो  blog post लिख  डाला "Why I don't have a Mobile". सुबह  से  गए  हुए  हैं, खाना  भी  दोस्त  चट  कर  जाते  हैं. पता  नहीं  कैसे  होँगे.

गधी : आज  अपनी  दोस्त  भैंस-की,  याद  आ  रही  है| उससे  कहा  FB ज्वाइन  कर  ले,  रोज  चेट  करेंगे , लेकिन  उसे  भी  Twitter से  फुर्सत  मिले  तब  न. कहती  है , FB गधो  के  dump करने  की  जगह  है.

Part 9: एक मुलाक़ात (जो हो न सकी )

(इधर इंडिया गेट पर देर रात होने के बावजूद, गधा और कुतियन भैंस की पीछे पीछे इधर उधर घूम रहे थे।)

But जैसे ही वो दोनों गाढ़ी से बात ही वो दोनों भैंस से बात करने के लिए पास पहुंचे, भैंस-की phone बीच में आ गया।

भैंस on phone (not literally!): Hello, who on blue-green hell is this? ओह, गधी! कैसी है?

गधी  (on the other side of line): बस सब सही चल रहा है, सोचा तुझसे बात करूँ। बड़े दिन हो गए बात करे हुए।

(फिर एक-दो घंटे चिक-चिक चलती है। गधा और कुतियन दोनों उनकी बातें ध्यान से सुन रहे होते हैं .)

भैंस : और सुना उस गधे के क्या हाल हैं?... क्या तूने उसे बताया... कि  तुझे... आज कल सुनाई नहीं देता?

(इतना सुन कर गधे की आँखों में आँसूं आ जाते हैं।)

कुतियन : व्हाट दा एफ यार, साल तू तो टीवी सीरियल की बहु की तरह रो रहा है . जो दिन रात रोटी रहती है, लेकिन make up की एक परत तक नहीं निकलती।

Part 10: The End.

भैंस-की बातें सुन कर गधा वहां से Usain Bolt की तरह भागता है लेकिन आधा km दौड़कर रुक जाता है (नोट : Usain bolt कोई  marathon रेसर तो नहीं है ना!)

वो इतनी जल्दी में होते हैं की उन्हें ये भी याद नहीं रहता की वो मेट्रो के escalator की उलटी direction में चल रहे हैं!

दोनों close-circuit camera में पकडे जाते हैं। फिर दोनों को आधा घंटा मेट्रो परिसर में दंडनिय अपराध के लिए दंड देना पड़ता है।

Anyways, finally दोनों गधी  के घर पहुंचाते हैं?

गधा: क्या जो तुमने भैंस से कहा वो सच है?

गधी : तुम भैंस को कैसे जानते हो ?

गधा : That's not relevant. क्या तुम सच में बहरी हो?

गधी : हाँ.

गधा: OMG Ubuntu!

गधी : व्हाट ?

गधा: Nothing. I just want to say, I love only love you.

इतना कह कर गधा ख़ुशी के मारे मर जाता है!

कुतियन : LOL.

* * * * * THE END * * * * *

December 29, 2012

Experiment: Now Giving 50 Rs. Daily

I recently reached 100 posts on this blog. Although I am pretty happy with what I have achieved, I'm a tad disappointed as well. It's been 978 days since my first post here and it took me 132 days since the 100th one. While a lot of excuses for not writing enough can be given, there is no denying the fact that these stats could have been much better.

I read somewhere that a writer will do anything to excuse himself from writing and I suffer from the same difficulty. Writing is all about inertia. When you are writing good, you feel good, which gives a positive feedback to write more good stuffs. Similarly you are not writing, a lot of (unfounded) negative emotions come in, which makes it even more difficult to write.

I want to take my writing more seriously now. In fact, I want to reach the next 100 mark in 1/3rd of the time it took this time. And that obviously will require tremendous amount of self discipline and dedication.

Starting January 1, I want to make it a habit of writing uninterrupted for half an hour daily, doesn't matter what. And this is where I want an Accountability Partner (AP).

Here is what I want to try:
  1. I try to write for (at least) half an hour daily preferably between 10 to 10.30 am.
  2. The Accountability Partner checks DAILY if I am maintaining the habit.
  3. The AP will make sure to remind me daily block half an hour in the 'busy' schedule to write.
  4. In case, I am not able to write for 30 mins (not a minute less), I give 50 Rs. to AP for that day, to be given to them at the end of the month as lump sum.
  5. Though, I am not required to show it to the AP what I wrote.
Of course, there is a scope of cheating here. But then there has to be a degree of trust for this experiment to pass. And while 50 Rs. in a day may not be that big an amount, totalling it for 30 days will make it 1500 which does become a significant amount for me.

If anybody is interested to become a Writing Accountability Partner for me for this January, please let me know. I am pretty serious about it, and would like someone who can honestly help me out.

December 28, 2012

An year long affair... with Mobile Phone

For those who know me and have been following this blog know that I never liked to keep a phone in my pocket and have a little "phono-phobia".

Just over an year ago, I finally caved in to the enormous family and friends' pressure and got myself a mobile phone. Moving into another city in 2 days, it was kind of necessary. And now, after an year I have been reduced to be just another regular phone user.

And I must say that the experience hasn't been as bad as I feared. It's been worse!

  • The feeling of being connected all the time: This was the most important reason for not keeping a phone. I am  a reserved person and I don't like to be in contact with the world 24x7. I want some personal space and need to cut off from the world from time to time. But ever since acquiring my X2-01, seldom have I parted with it. In fact, I sleep with my phone every night (literally!). Forget weekdays, even weekends are not mine. The number of contacts have increased significantly over the time and so I must now be available round the clock for everyone.

  • The anxiety of information: By constant usage, my mind has not ingrained this habit of unconsciously checking the phone every now and then, to see if there are any new messages, phone calls, likes/comments on my latest status update.  In fact, the condition is so worse that I have trouble keeping my phone switched off for a few hours .

  • One of the worst forms of distractions: When I didn't have a phone of my own, I used to use a family phone to converse and chat according to My own schedule. But now I need to go according to others' convenience. Which means I would get a phone call or an IM or an SMS in the middle of my working hours. And of course, I can't go without checking them, even if it interrupts my work 'flow'.

  • Becoming overly dependent: I use my phone to be in contact with dozens of friends, to see my mails on the go, to tweet/update FB, to learn new words, to google and learn more about something new/news, to write poetry, to listen to music and audio-books, to take occasional interesting snaps, and a million more things. So, if you take away my phone, you take away all those activities from me.

If I have lived without a phone previously, I know I can still survive without it. But I am of the view that a mobile phone is less for you and more for the people known to you.  I also understand I am not the only person struggling with these problems, in fact, virtually every phone user will be able to empathize with me.

Phone is a modern day necessary evil. So, while I can't make it completely go away, I do plan to take a few steps to minimize its damage. Like not checking messages during work hours and to deliberately keep the phone off for a few (pre-scheduled) hours every week. I hope, these steps become successful and things get better in the coming year.

December 27, 2012

Untitled: Part 6

"Ahh... Excuse me."

It was a herculean task, but I was glad I didn't die saying that. I have never really understood why talking to pretty girls is so much difficult that you have to sum up all the courage in your guts to utter just 2 words?

...But she didn't respond.

"Excuse me miss!", I exclaimed this time with a stronger tone. This time, she looked at me.

"It may not be right to ask like this, but I have been noticing for the past some time that something is bothering you". Of course, I didn't mention the bus stop episode.

She looked surprised and confused. Hesitatingly she said, "No... No it's nothing". The rest of face made it pretty clear that her lips were lying.

"Well I know I am a stranger, but I have learnt in my life that it's easier to share your difficulties with strangers. Who knows I may be able to help you out", I said to her with a calm expression.

"'I have learnt in my life' crap? Seriously? That's what you could come up with?", I punched myself on the face, in my mind.

Now she really looked startled. I was also hoping that no one else in this bus would have understood the English conversation I just had. But to my utter bad luck, half of the crowd was now staring at us, making me nervous more than her. 

"Damn you educated people!". I tried to maintain my composed stature. She wanted to say something but she stopped herself, as if trying to contain a damaged dam.

To ease-out her uneasiness I uttered, "Well if you still don't want to share, that's perfectly alright, I understand. Any ways, just as a conversation starter, would you like to tell where are you going?"

 She took a small pause and collected herself. "I am going to meet my aunt in Ve*******nam".

I did not hear the last word properly, these bloody unpronounceable names of the places here.

 "Oh really! I am going at the same place. My friend lives there." Amazed at how easily those lies came out of my mouth, I continued, "By the way, my name is Ritendra. My friends call me Rids. And what would your name be?".

She smiled and replied. "My name is Anna. Get up Anna."


*  *   *   *  *

"Anna. Get up Anna! Anna!...", the 'uncle' whom I had pushed aside before, was trying to wake me up. He was wiry- but not as much as me-, had a small moustache over his coal-black face. Wearing plain pant-shirt and old fashioned specs, and even more old fashioned hair-style, he looked like he has come from 1980s.

"Oh, what happened to me". I blabbered with an inaudible voice.  The man did not reply but helped me get up.
I figured that when the driver hit the brake abruptly, I must have fell down hard and blacked out for a moment.

"Oh, so all that conversation was a dream?", a deep sense of pain ran through my guts. I quickly glanced over the seat across me. SHE WASN'T THERE

Half of the bus was now empty, but the bus seemed to have not moved from its position. I heard a commotion going on outside the bus, but I still did not know what the hell had happened. And more importantly, where on earth, did the girl go?

December 25, 2012

Newspapers: A Habit lost.

Newspaper sunny yellow
From Flick. Under CC License.
I have written about my newspaper reading habit previously. Simply put, I *used* to be addicted to newspapers. There was a time when I would read 3 newspapers daily; and not just skim through them, but actually do the in-depth analysis! But let's not start from here, let's start from the very beginning...

*The Beginning*
I started reading newspaper when I was... well, I don't quite actually remember, but I would have started reading them when I started reading comics (and that was around 4th standard). At that time I would just glance at the headlines her and then quickly jump on to the cool comic strips that would come in the supplementaries.

*Growing up*
When I was in mid school and could read Hindi properly, I actually started reading the inside pages. Well... they weren't exactly inside pages: I would come back from school, go through the front page in 5 minutes and then would just dig myself into the sports page (generally the last one). I loved reading every bit of cricket news, especially since watching all the cricket matches live was a luxury we didn't have then.

*When the addiction started*
By the time I reached high school, I had become addicted to newspapers. In the mean time, we had changed the subscriptions a number of times starting for Hindi daily "Hindustan" and finally had settling with TOI (English) and NBT(Hindi). I would just gorge on the news. First go through English Daily, then the Hindi one and then consume all supplements. And that of course meant, spending at least 1-2 hours daily doing the 'chore'.

*Full Blown*
By the time I left school my addiction to newspapers was at its top. For some reason, we started buying an extra Hindi daily. Not only would I read the news but I also the editorials. Worse, I felt that I needed to store all the *important* articles for future reference. So I set off on my mission to collect and organise all the information in the world that I encounter (Google style). I would cut-paste all the *read-it-later* articles in a register (which I never used and have now disposed). That meant, now I would have to find out at least 3 hours daily for this routine!

When I entered college, I wondered, if it was really necessary to consume and collect so much news and information? I had a large collection of articles lying around to be read *someday*, which was only growing.  So, I decided to stop this insanity. I ended the subscription of 2nd Hindi daily and reduced the time spent on the 1st one (eventually stopping it altogether). I continued reading the English daily but the busy college schedule ensured I won't spent too much time on it either. And I also stopped collecting articles for reading sometime later.

*Full Circle*
Since I started using Net@Home, my reading habit has largely shifted online (which is more distracting and hence time consuming than newspaper). And recently I realised the whole news-addiction pattern was repeating itself. I would spend hours going through blog articles, bookmarking important one, and flagging interesting ones to read later. Hence, I had to give a similar treatment to my RSS feeds, removing seemingly important sources and simplifying the list.

*Current Status*
There used to be a time when I couldn't have my breakfast without a newspaper and couldn't sleep without spending time reading blogs online. Now, I feel sad to say that I don't have time for either. Even reading the headlines and a few posts here and there, has become 'a lot'.
The kind of news (full of negativity: corruption, scandals, scams) that I get to read in newspapers nowadays, has also contributed a lot towards repelling me from news altogether.

Newspapers have vastly improved my reading skills. And it goes without saying I have learnt a lot about the world from the vast amount of information I have consumed through them. But I have also learned a few lessons for life from this habit. It's that we shouldn't try to hold on to the stuffs. There will always be more news, more videos, more music, more movies to watch (even better than the current ones). Just be content with what can consume within the time you have. That would give real peace of mind.
And, by going away from this habit, I have also learnt that there is almost nothing in this world that I can't live without (more about it in some other post).

December 20, 2012

December 21: When I die tomorrow...

Following has been written considering if the world DOES end tomorrow. I know it's a joke, but I have just tried to imagine the impossible. What would my feelings be today, if I knew that not just me, everyone I know is going to die tomorrow....

As I write this, my hands tremble. It's futile to even write all this, as tomorrow nobody would be there to read it all. Tomorrow nothing will exist. But still I need to write all this down. May be that would help me to vent out the storm brewing inside me.

I feel confused, I feel anxious, I feel scared, I feel numb, all at the same time. Yesterday everything was fine, I was living my normal boring life. And today I have been told that I am left with 24 hours to do whatever I ever wanted to do in life. 

Today I feel ashamed at the way I lived my life till now. I wish somebody had told me this right at the starting that I would never be able to see myself become a quarter of a century old. Had I known it, I would have lived my life on fast track, been courageous, would have pushed myself to do the impossible. And certainly not dragged myself till now, hoping for a miraculous better future.

I would not have wasted my precious days and weeks worrying about stuffs which are useless today: more marks, more money, more friends, more success. Instead I would have utilized those moments to be actually close to the 'close-ones'. Listening to them, taking care of them, giving them the all the love and affection I could possibly offer.

Because it's not just me who is going away tomorrow. It's everyone whom I have ever known. The ones I had loved, the ones I had hated, the ones who flattered me, the ones who made me jealous. None of them will exist tomorrow, no one will be there to remember me, to keep me 'alive'.

Today everywhere I see, people are keeping their loved ones close to their chest, consoling them, not letting them go anywhere even for a single moment. And seeing so much love all together is overwhelming because man's basic nature is to focus on the negative. Find stuffs to be angry upon, find faults, find things which are not going right. But now, when he knows that all that is of no use tomorrow, he has forgotten his basic instincts.

Today I see no-one making a hue and cry about traffic, global warming, growing corruption, poverty, power cuts or bad governance. Nobody is worried how beautiful or ugly, fat or fit they look today. Nobody is holding any grudge against their nemesis. All of them are busy praying to Gods to somehow save them from the inevitable. To forgive all of their sins and promising to live a better life if given a second chance.

And in a way, it is a little amusing to see all that, as life has never been certain. Anything can happen to any of us at any point of time. But we still fall back to the same patterns, living our lives from paycheck-to-paycheck,  not looking at the bigger picture. But when life reminds us of its harsh realities, when we are hit on the head by  a tragedy that we realize its fragility, and how precious those few seconds spent doing something fruitful could be.

I wish there were a way to stop all this. I wish all this would turn out to be just a bad dream. But today I can only wish all this. And if I had to make a last wish today, it would just be to let my family and friends know how much I loved and cared for them, and how much pain I feel right now, knowing that I couldn't do much for them while I was alive.