What are we becoming as a Society?

Who am I really? What am I doing? Why doesn't "it", (it being whatever the heck I am doing ), "feel good"? 

I don't know about you, but these questions definitely crop up in my mind every now and then, and with enormous frequency nowadays. 

Nothing seems certain. There is an overwhelming sense of anxiety that engulfs me sometimes about so many things that I plan to do but not making progress in most of them. And in this endless tug of war with self, the little achievements also get "neutralized" into being a "nothingness". I wonder if this is a natural state of being.

What's the reason that even after having almost everything required to live a 'fine' life, there's this imperceptible feeling of "hollowness" inside?

Is it that we (I) ended up being on a different shore than we imagined ourselves to be when we started sailing long back? Is it the jealousy of people whom we considered less "smart" than us, going on to do "better" than us in life? Is it the frustration of not getting what we want as fast as we would like to? Or, is it the frustration of just being "stuck", which I define as "the feeling of not being able to make much progress in any part of life". 

I have talked about getting depressed earlier. But this current 'problem' isn't the same. In depression, everything seems to just shut down paralyzing you to do anything. Here, things are moving on, and with relatively good speed even, but I am not sure if the things that are moving along are even the right things. The stuffs that were once exciting have ceased to be and the new things don't have the power to keep a hold on for long.

And here's where the real problem lies: my friend circle even after having a bunch of pretty smart people, none of them seems to have an answer to the kind of questions that I am asking here. Probably because they are battling their own problems, different but kinda similar. It's like a collective black cloud looming over everyone's head. 

Some people define it as a "quarter life crisis"? But then if it is, why do doesn't Everyone I know seem to go through the same struggle? It definitely doesn't seem to be Universal. So, then what are we - "the self-proclaimed failures" - seem to be doing wrong? 

Some people suggest it to be a "girl/guy problem". Advice like, "You need to have someone in your life", "It's time to get married" etc. are thrown at a relatively frequent pace. I am not sure if thinking that your future partner, if/when (s)he comes in life, will magically make all these 'mind problems' go away, is the right way to approach it. 

Lots of questions but don't know where to turn for the answers. Unfortunately for me, I am also not a big time spiritual person to seek answers in religious texts and customs. And the older generation doesn't seem to "get" it. 

Something inside almost wishes there were Someone who not only "understands" but also be mature and experienced enough to "know" what to do about it. May be, we would be end up being that "Someone" whom we seek out secretly for mentoring us through this Hell called Life. 

PS : I recently bought 2 domains for my blogs. Now you can access #AnOSM Blog on blogRSH.in and #1000Sher on 1000Sher.in. 

PPS : Happy Birthday to Me. :) 

Consistent and Reliable

Everyone can write, right? You, me, my neighborhood girl, and with proper guidance and training probably her dog as well. Then why do we have far less writers than we see readers in the world? Why do I know of over a dozen friends who started a blog at some point of time, but haven't written anything on it for over an year? And a lot many others have said they wish to start writing. But never get around to writing it. 

Everyone, and I mean everyone I know has a story to tell. But when you have a blank screen with a cursor blinking in front of you, imploring you for it to be moved, it takes courage to put your fingers on the keyboard and start clicking. More often than not, our mind goes blank. We don't know where to begin and where to end. Writing is scary. 

I wrote my first post on this blog back in April 2010. So, in a few months I would be completing 5 years of being a 'blogger'. I have written close to 200 posts till now. Some of them have been popular, some of them are my personal favorite, while a lot of them simply went unnoticed. It's been a crazy, unexpected ride and overall I am proud of what I have built. 

But if there is one thing that I have struggled with while blogging, it's being consistent. If you go through the archives you would notice spurts of inspirations, enthusiasm and even insanity followed by long periods of lull. And this characteristic extends to almost everything that I do in life. I can be super disciplined and consistent when I have a short term challenge to meet (and that's why self-experiments are so important for me). But over long term I always struggle. 

Everyone wants to be a Superhero. I have myself dreamed to become a Superman since my childhood. But being a Superhero isn't about wearing flashy dresses and a cape. It's about being the most trusted individual in anyone's life. 

The real life Superhumans that I know of, aren't that macho or full of charisma. But they are hard workers.  They value their words. And they have built a rock solid trust with their actions. And they are CONSISTENT in everything they do.

Superhumans, to tell the truth is just about being a Proper Human. If we could just achieve our own potentials, we would be far better than 99.9% of the world. If we could simply perform our duties, show up when and where we are expected to, and just keep our promises, we could so easily become an object of envy and astonishment for the world.  And I can say this because if I am in danger today, the first set of people that would come in my mind to ask for help might not be my best friends or family, but the ones who have exactly these same traits. 

But here is the funny part. Intrinsically we are all aware of it. But we never make an effort to be a "Normal Vanilla Human". Instead we all want to be Rockstars. The ones that are shown to us in the Cinemas and the Televisions and on Internet. The ones who make billions or become 'overnight success'. Everyone has their own perception of a Super Human. I won't criticize anyone, because mostly I also am a part of the same herd. 

In 2015, I am not making any resolutions. I am just working on a theme. A theme to be a consistent and reliable human. A promise keeper and the one who shows up no matter what. And instead of making fancy goals, I want to focus on becoming a healthier, calmer and more mature human. 

This year, for me, is about building a solid base. I know I do something like this every year and then fail. But I can't stop trying. Probably after years and years of failing, finally I would succeed. Who knows!

And for this blog, I want to go back to my original promise/goal of posting one post per week (Sunday morning at 9 am?). And I want to develop a habit of writing daily for just 10 minutes (at least). My 'perfectionism' is always a hindrance in moving ahead and achieving my goals. So, I want to break that characteristic as well. 

So, I would post anything that's in my draft for that week. Even, if it's not complete. I don't need a ~1000 word essay like this one. Just a 100 word mind dump would do. No fancy formatting, nothing to impress. Just a simple goal of one post per week. Either here, or on Medium. 

  

I haven't written any post for the first week of the year. So, I have already failed. That's fine. I will fail more often. If I don't post on a certain weekend, I would continue to do it in the next. I don't need to be perfect, but I need to try and achieve consistency. You don't become a Superhuman by writing a blogpost. You do it by failing a lot of times, but never giving up. 

I hope you have your own resolutions/goals/dreams/bucket-list checkboxes to fill this year. And I really wish you achieve them. Here's to a Consistent, Reliable New Year.