Back from the dead - Don’t Complain.

In January 2015, I wrote a post called Consistent and Reliable expressing my desire to be more and consistent and reliable in my life in general and in blogging specifically. 

I have written exactly 2 posts after that (this being the 2nd). And this 2nd post is coming after full 2 years (to be fair, I did write a little bit on Medium this year) .  So much for being “Consistent and Reliable” . This has become a butt of joke between me and my friends! 

Anyways, today is my birthday (just in case you didn’t know ;) . And it’s always a time for me to contemplate (as opposed to celebrate). 2 years ago, on my birthday, I wrote an honest post about my frustration stemming from how we are progressing as a society. Today I want to talk about Complaining.

  

I talk to a lot of people in my friend circle and otherwise, and I have felt that everyone of us is  struggling. Some of us may have our lives more sorted than others, but the ‘struggle’ binds us all together. 

And in all that struggle and misfortunes, there is a natural tendency to blame our life/fate/God/Universe for the screwed up experiences that we are going through. I have time and again done that (still do). But I have also come to realize that Universe isn’t in support or against anyone. Universe is just indifferent. It just doesn’t care about us or our feelings. It has its own agenda, its own time clock, and if you don’t fit in its grand scheme of things, then it doesn’t matter to the Universe. 

I have started to believe that Complaining serves no purpose, other than providing us temporarily emotional relief from all that bitching, and the safety of feeling like a victim. It doesn’t solve any problem,  only makes us pity ourselves (thus making us feel even worse) and probably get some sympathy from others. 

Here, I want to make a distinction between "Complaining" and "Sharing our feelings and concerns" with others. Sharing our emotions, whether sadness, grief, frustration, loneliness makes us feel connected, which in turn gives us strength.

 

Let's not kid, there are real struggles in our life, sickness, losing someone, losing a job, depression etc. And if we try to suppress these issues and pretend everything is alright, that would only aggravate the issue. Sharing it with someone, being vulnerable comes from the point of accepting that we have an issue and it’s making us feel Not-happy. And once we accept we have an issue, then comes the question, what are we going to do about it? 

Complaining on the other hand is just about releasing tension on something or someone without going to the crux of the matter - Can something be done to solve the core issue, or at least mitigate the consequences? So complaining, in my opinion, is useless,  unless we are ready to do something about it. 

As much as we can pretend to be ‘helpless’ and just letting us "off the hook", the cold fact remains that we can almost always do at least something about it.

We might have lost our job all of a sudden; unfair agreed. But can we try to find another one, which might pay less but at least pay our bills? 

We might have lost a loved one; it’s harsh. There is no replacing him or her. But can we try to accept the reality and at least try to move on? 

We always remain sick, not cool. But can we consult a doctor and find a root cause, do some exercise to make us stronger? 

Well the above solutions might be superficial or trivial compared to your problems. What I want to say is that by through complaining keep looking at the unfair past for so long that we forget there is also our present and future which is at stake. I now believe that we have no right to complain, unless we have at least tried to resolve the issue. 

The struggle is a reality, as much as we try to run away from it. So, complain if you must. But then also decide and take action to do something about your issue. 

Action is the only antidote my friend. 

PS : I wrote it more as a reminder to myself, than for giving sermons to anyone. But, if you have read it, would really like it if you contemplate and even debate about it.

PPS  : Happy Birthday to myself. Unlike me, my birthday is Consistent and Reliable. ;)

What are we becoming as a Society?

Who am I really? What am I doing? Why doesn't "it", (it being whatever the heck I am doing ), "feel good"? 

I don't know about you, but these questions definitely crop up in my mind every now and then, and with enormous frequency nowadays. 

Nothing seems certain. There is an overwhelming sense of anxiety that engulfs me sometimes about so many things that I plan to do but not making progress in most of them. And in this endless tug of war with self, the little achievements also get "neutralized" into being a "nothingness". I wonder if this is a natural state of being.

What's the reason that even after having almost everything required to live a 'fine' life, there's this imperceptible feeling of "hollowness" inside?

Is it that we (I) ended up being on a different shore than we imagined ourselves to be when we started sailing long back? Is it the jealousy of people whom we considered less "smart" than us, going on to do "better" than us in life? Is it the frustration of not getting what we want as fast as we would like to? Or, is it the frustration of just being "stuck", which I define as "the feeling of not being able to make much progress in any part of life". 

I have talked about getting depressed earlier. But this current 'problem' isn't the same. In depression, everything seems to just shut down paralyzing you to do anything. Here, things are moving on, and with relatively good speed even, but I am not sure if the things that are moving along are even the right things. The stuffs that were once exciting have ceased to be and the new things don't have the power to keep a hold on for long.

And here's where the real problem lies: my friend circle even after having a bunch of pretty smart people, none of them seems to have an answer to the kind of questions that I am asking here. Probably because they are battling their own problems, different but kinda similar. It's like a collective black cloud looming over everyone's head. 

Some people define it as a "quarter life crisis"? But then if it is, why do doesn't Everyone I know seem to go through the same struggle? It definitely doesn't seem to be Universal. So, then what are we - "the self-proclaimed failures" - seem to be doing wrong? 

Some people suggest it to be a "girl/guy problem". Advice like, "You need to have someone in your life", "It's time to get married" etc. are thrown at a relatively frequent pace. I am not sure if thinking that your future partner, if/when (s)he comes in life, will magically make all these 'mind problems' go away, is the right way to approach it. 

Lots of questions but don't know where to turn for the answers. Unfortunately for me, I am also not a big time spiritual person to seek answers in religious texts and customs. And the older generation doesn't seem to "get" it. 

Something inside almost wishes there were Someone who not only "understands" but also be mature and experienced enough to "know" what to do about it. May be, we would be end up being that "Someone" whom we seek out secretly for mentoring us through this Hell called Life. 

PS : I recently bought 2 domains for my blogs. Now you can access #AnOSM Blog on blogRSH.in and #1000Sher on 1000Sher.in. 

PPS : Happy Birthday to Me. :) 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY "KAALU" ... Or ... WHY AM I SUCH A BIG RACIST

"Tomorrow if you come again in this black color, I will beat the living hell out of you", said the white boy (or something like that). I was afraid. This was probably the 6th time he had bullied me in past 1 year or so (pay attention, I am narrating my only experience of being bullied.). It all started in KG standard and now I was in 1st.  When was it going to end?

This guy would come in my class and then threaten me. My fault? I had a brownish black skin. I knew I couldn't possibly fight this guy. And to top that he would always come with 2 of his body guards from his section by his side. And to top even that, he had a big brother in 6th class. I was screwed. 

So, I would try to avoid him. He would usually come during lunch sessions and I would go out and hide somewhere. Or try and stand under sunlight. If ever he would find me, I would reason that my skin tone is fairer (under the effect of sunlight). Almost always he would take the bait. Stupid little 1st standard kids.

But after an year of being bullied every now and then, I have had enough of it. I couldn't go to my parents because it's difficult to make them understand (it still is after 20 years). So, I opened up with my class mate, neighbor and best friend of that time. He was about 3 shades darker than me (totally approximating here). His real name was Mohammad Shafeeq, but I got to know that after 10 years. We shared (an embarrassing) nick name. So I would call him that.

That guy considered me as brother and would do anything for me (why have they stopped making such friends now?).  So, next day we went to that white guy's class and talked to him in his language. His burly figure, his body guards and his elder brother could go to hell. 2 little kids stood up against racism and bullism that day. We must have felt like Abraham Lincoln or Gandhi that day. Sadly, I couldn't stay with my best friend long, as I changed school soon. 

[Side note : I have had only 2 Muslim friends in my life. Both became my best friends of their time, but we couldn't stay in touch for more than 2 years. I have exactly 1 Muslim friend right now (just like exactly 1 Christian, 1 Buddhist, and 1 Jain friend. I cherish them all). It's been over 1.5 years of knowing. I am very interested to see how long we stay in touch].

When I moved to another school in 2nd, I became friends with a boy who was at least 2 shades darker than me. Also, we shared our first names, so we would call each other by our last names. And then we would cheat in exams/tests/quizzes/whatever. I became a master cheat. That was the pinnacle of my cheating career. (Cheating! That's an interesting story. Some other time).

In 4th standard, a girl refused to sit with me. Her reason? She was fair and I was dark(or black or brown or wheatish or chocolaty or latte. How do you define?). Well, I wasn't too interested to sit with her either but you can't say no to your teachers. At least not in 4th standard. So, we somehow managed, and as time went we became good friends. And as luck would have it, we got to (more like had to) share seat in 6th standard again. 

In 5th grade, I would sometimes imagine if the topper girl of our class would marry me? Or even her best friend who used to come second. That Bengali girl. After all they were the toppers and I used to come third. Who would want to marry a third standard guy? On top of that they were both fair and I was dark. Ahhh... Why God, Why?

You see the pattern above? It's disgusting what a child has to go through. I have been a victim of racism (on a relatively small scale). So, it shouldn't be surprising if I have become a self certified racist. 

Now, I discriminate based on color, caste, language, region, religion, age; basically anything that can be used to differentiate. And then I insult people. People get angry sometimes, "What kind of human are you RavS?". But I don't understand. When the society as a whole practices this, it's acceptable. But if I practice it on an individual level, I have committed  a non-documented sin?

As for being black, when I see movie-stars promoting fairness creams, it disgusts me to my core. Why would you want to be fair? It's like insulting the genes that your parents gave you. They should make a cream which enhances the interior self confidence rather than diluting the exterior melanin. You must be a proud black. And then you must be a proud racist. You must insult people fairer than you and darker than you. Because no one is better than you . Just like no one is lesser than you. (The last few lines rhyme! I will use it in some rap song.)

I wanted to write a list of how I practice my brand of racism and what all things are good and bad about racism etc. But let's not make it a list based post this time. 

OK, back to the story. When I moved to college, for first 3 days nobody would sit with me. That was a little weird. It wasn't as if I was the weirdest looking guy in the whole class. Then I figured out, I liked sitting on the first benches and no one else had any affection for the first bench. Anyway, then a guy, let's name him "Kaalu" for the sake of this true story, came and asked if he could sit with me. 2 shades darker and a few inch taller. What the hell, suit yourself. "Sure", I said. 

7 years later he is one of the only 10% college mates I am in contact with. Is he my best friend? I don't know. Is he a reliable confidante? May be. Is he the blackest friend I have got. Hell Yeah!

All in all, he has been there whenever it was required. He has done more than I could ever repay. And I have disappointed him the most. And I have insulted him the most in this world. And I still feel I don't need to say "sorry" for anything. Although, two words I can safely use - "Thank You". Thank you for everything.

Today is "Kaalu's" birthday. I wrote a song on him. But it became so vulgar and racist that I had to delete it. It would mean a lot to me if you could say "Happy Birthday Kaalu" and optionally any additional racist slur according to your own racist level. I will transport your wishes to him. 

And yes...

"Happy Birthday Kaalu. You are so black, sometimes coal mistakes you as a mirror ".

PS : I hope that white kid gets to marry a while girl. And then they have white little kids who do all things white, like pooping white shit and stuff. OK, I am out. 

Happy BuzzDay!!

History

[Excerpt from Wikipedia]

Google Buzz was announced on February 9, 2010, in a press conference at the company's Mountain View headquarters and launched on the same day, at 11 am PT for the first set of users. The feature, available from the Gmail inbox, was rolled out to Gmail accounts in the following weeks. .... Within 56 hours of its release, 9 million posts were made on Google Buzz — approximately 160,000 posts and comments per hour.

Today is February 9. Now, I don't think I started using the Buzz on the first day itself (in fact at that time I used to visit even Gmail in weeks). I also don't remember what was my first post. But I slowly started using Google Buzz (primarily because of Google and less because of Buzz) and started to like it. Some friends also joined in between and now I am a permanent (but not aggressive) user of Buzz.

This post is not about explaining why I like Google Buzz or why you should use it. But this post is "Buzzy" in its own right. I have used Buzz in a number of ways, from sharing news, information, jokes, thoughts, videos, pictures, wishes and of course a blog! So, I thought what's the other ways of using Buzz? Here are some that I could think of (you are encouraged to add some of your own if you want):

Romantic

• Oh, my love, I Buzz you so much that I can't even think to Buzz without you, even for a moment.

• Proposal: Will you Buzz me? Or should I ask your friend?

• Every Buzz you take, every Buzz you make... I will be Buzzing you.

• Jab kisi cheeze ko Buzz se chaaho, to saari Kayanaat tumhari Buzzane me lag jaati hai.

Profanities

• I am really Buzzy right now, Buzz Off from here; or I Buzz to God I will Buzz you.

• I will get the Buzz out of you, you moron!

• Teri Buzz ki aankh, kameen.

• Saala, baawadi Buzz kahin ka.

• These Mo** Buzzer terrorist think that killing innocents is a form of Jehaad. What the B*zz...

Miscellaneous

• Hey we don't have any classes now, so let us all go to a park and (play) Buzz today, what say?

• We should Buzz everyday, preferably in the morning. It's good for mental and physical health.

• I don't know why can't we Buzz everyday for sometime. You know it's impossible to Buzz so much during exams.

• I follow a number of blogs. Some of the posts I really liked were "Those beautiful Buzzs", "My first Buzz", "8-minute Buzz".

• I am supposed to be the co-Buzzer of my friend's Buzz "Buzz-Me". Too bad, I haven't Buzzed even once for him.

• Well once I start watching Buzz on my system I can spend my whole day, though I do feel Buzzy about it later.

• I like all kinds of Buzz: Indian, Western, Solo, Groups. But if you are my favorite Buzz-star, it doesn't mean I will like all your Buzzs. One needs to keep re-inventing to stay interesting.

• Everybody asks me, who is your Buzz friend? Well, I don't want to name him but he will be smiling reading this :)

(OK I am not explaining what I meant by each "Buzz" above. Just let your imagination run wild ;)

What would Buzz have been called if ...... were the owner?

Yogs: DesiBuzz4U

PK: SoBuzz3tic

XP: Lolzz

Jhand: Buzzhand

SJain: BuJJains

VK: Bu??

Katy: herobuzzero

RavS: RavZZ

(I think each one knows why).

Happy Birthday Buzz!!

An open letter.. to God (fictional)

Dear God,

How are you? Well before I say anything, I must confess that I was too lazy to write to you, I had to make a sketch, so I asked my friend RavS to write this letter to you. But believe me, the emotions are all mine.

So, what to say.. Matlab, pata nahin kya kahun?

You see, you have given me an awesome life. My friends love me, and though I was abused as a child (thappad gaal pe padte the impression kahin aur aate the); I have got the most loving family in the world. I am the king of my home and my brother and sister have to do whatever I say. What else can I ask for.. Matlab, aur kya maangu?

Bas mujhko ek hi cheej aur de do.. Naukri.. hehe, you thought I was gonna ask for 'Chokari' but that I want 100 times; after all I have to start my own clan. But you see, I want to take retirement soon, from life I mean, jindagi se mera matlab. And before I do that, I want to gather all the worldly pleasures and give all the happiness to my family. And a 'job', doesn't matter which kind, is key to that happiness, I think.

You also know that I am a great artist. But I want to do so much more, wet my feets in those things that I haven't tried before. So, I try a lot of things, dancing, gyming, photography, MBA preparation, GATE preparation, MBBS preparation (my biology wasn't bad), NIFT preparation. And it #includes programming too. I see everybody near me calling himself/herself a 'programmer' and I want to do that too. I am trying my best, just give me some more wisdom so that I can move from C to Java, from CUI to GUI.

But don't get me wrong God. Matlab, mujhe galat mat samjho Bhagwaan .. You have made me an artist. Art is in my blood, and that is not going anywhere. I love to spend late night working on Photoshop. Recently I have also started using Corel Draw and Flash, and then Maya is always there.

And well I have a life of my own. I am grateful to you that you gave me a 24x7 Internet connection. I am currently trying to download the whole of Internet on my new 1 TB hard disk. I don't like disturbance, so I like to keep my door shut. After all, a creative person needs a lot of time alone. Matlab, sab mila jula ke, rachnatmak vyakti ko apne saath kaafi samay chahiye. (XP: yeah what about those 13 hours? )

Oh God, matlab hey bhagwaan, ya allah, waahe guru etc. Why do all my team mates ask me to get the print outs. Am I a fax machine? Sorry, a xerox machine? I contribute so much (PK: yeah, contribution my arse) but still they are not happy. They don't like my awesome ideas. Those lunatics can't even understand my ideas. Why have you given me such an awesome mind when people can't appreciate it?

In veg I like baigan, trishna, torry and kerala. And you know, matlab aur aapko to pata hi hai, Mujhe prawn bhi bhot pasand hai. Maine sabhi tareeke ke prawn try kiye hain. Main sochta hoon kabhi mujhe bhi koi prawn* banana sikha de to majaa aa jaaye. But too much prawn is also not good for health. After all its non veg. Matlab, sab mila jula ke, ye maansahaari hai. Isi liye main share karne me vishwaas karta hoon. People think prawn is not healthy, but well curiosity about things is never unhealthy. 

I like animals too. I just love pussy, cat at my home. I feed it everyday. That to me is the most beautiful thing in the world. That's why I discuss about it all the time. And working with my friend RavS, we have tried to make Bhains and its parts ("aankh", "naak", "poonch", "thann") world famous. But what I like most about it is its gobar. I don't understand why people think of it as a dirty thing. Its just full of awesome minerals and is multipurpose. Just give those idiots some knowledge. Its insulting when they make noses hearing gobar while eating.

Did I tell you about my movie watching habits. Oh sorry, you are omnipresent matlab oh maaf karna, aap to sarvagyaata hain.Well, I have got a lot of movies, and I have always been a sharer so my friends also have them (RavS: Little does he know, I delete them all). But now having so many movies and music, I don't have time to check them all. So, I like to watch specific scenes, sometimes just posters and because of your gifted psychic powers I can tell the whole movie based on that. So, I don't understand why people need to watch the whole movie. Please give those lesser mortals similar powers, so that they also can save time.

Accha ab maang hi raha hun to mujhe ek girl friend bhi de hi do.. Matlab, hain to bhot saari but koi official nahin hai. But she has to be bigger than me. That's why I am not building my body. I don't want to look like a king, muscular terrorist of 1987.

I am an open book. You come, you read, you scribble (RavS: actually you shit) and you go. But people get me wrong, they think I am a bad person. They call me 'jhand'. Yeah yeah, I am 'jhand' but because I want to be human first before becoming superhuman. I am even learning KunguFu for that.

And God I think its high time for me to be the next God. So that people celebrate Christmas on 24th December instead. Just let me know when you are retiring.

OK Happy Birthday in advance. Merry Christmas.

Yours,

Truly Jhand