April 27, 2014

HAPPY BIRTHDAY "KAALU" ... Or ... WHY AM I SUCH A BIG RACIST

"Tomorrow if you come again in this black color, I will beat the living hell out of you", said the white boy (or something like that). I was afraid. This was probably the 6th time he had bullied me in past 1 year or so (pay attention, I am narrating my only experience of being bullied.). It all started in KG standard and now I was in 1st.  When was it going to end?

This guy would come in my class and then threaten me. My fault? I had a brownish black skin. I knew I couldn't possibly fight this guy. And to top that he would always come with 2 of his body guards from his section by his side. And to top even that, he had a big brother in 6th class. I was screwed. 

So, I would try to avoid him. He would usually come during lunch sessions and I would go out and hide somewhere. Or try and stand under sunlight. If ever he would find me, I would reason that my skin tone is fairer (under the effect of sunlight). Almost always he would take the bait. Stupid little 1st standard kids.

But after an year of being bullied every now and then, I have had enough of it. I couldn't go to my parents because it's difficult to make them understand (it still is after 20 years). So, I opened up with my class mate, neighbor and best friend of that time. He was about 3 shades darker than me (totally approximating here). His real name was Mohammad Shafeeq, but I got to know that after 10 years. We shared (an embarrassing) nick name. So I would call him that.

That guy considered me as brother and would do anything for me (why have they stopped making such friends now?).  So, next day we went to that white guy's class and talked to him in his language. His burly figure, his body guards and his elder brother could go to hell. 2 little kids stood up against racism and bullism that day. We must have felt like Abraham Lincoln or Gandhi that day. Sadly, I couldn't stay with my best friend long, as I changed school soon. 

[Side note : I have had only 2 Muslim friends in my life. Both became my best friends of their time, but we couldn't stay in touch for more than 2 years. I have exactly 1 Muslim friend right now (just like exactly 1 Christian, 1 Buddhist, and 1 Jain friend. I cherish them all). It's been over 1.5 years of knowing. I am very interested to see how long we stay in touch].

When I moved to another school in 2nd, I became friends with a boy who was at least 2 shades darker than me. Also, we shared our first names, so we would call each other by our last names. And then we would cheat in exams/tests/quizzes/whatever. I became a master cheat. That was the pinnacle of my cheating career. (Cheating! That's an interesting story. Some other time).

In 4th standard, a girl refused to sit with me. Her reason? She was fair and I was dark(or black or brown or wheatish or chocolaty or latte. How do you define?). Well, I wasn't too interested to sit with her either but you can't say no to your teachers. At least not in 4th standard. So, we somehow managed, and as time went we became good friends. And as luck would have it, we got to (more like had to) share seat in 6th standard again. 

In 5th grade, I would sometimes imagine if the topper girl of our class would marry me? Or even her best friend who used to come second. That Bengali girl. After all they were the toppers and I used to come third. Who would want to marry a third standard guy? On top of that they were both fair and I was dark. Ahhh... Why God, Why?

You see the pattern above? It's disgusting what a child has to go through. I have been a victim of racism (on a relatively small scale). So, it shouldn't be surprising if I have become a self certified racist. 

Now, I discriminate based on color, caste, language, region, religion, age; basically anything that can be used to differentiate. And then I insult people. People get angry sometimes, "What kind of human are you RavS?". But I don't understand. When the society as a whole practices this, it's acceptable. But if I practice it on an individual level, I have committed  a non-documented sin?

As for being black, when I see movie-stars promoting fairness creams, it disgusts me to my core. Why would you want to be fair? It's like insulting the genes that your parents gave you. They should make a cream which enhances the interior self confidence rather than diluting the exterior melanin. You must be a proud black. And then you must be a proud racist. You must insult people fairer than you and darker than you. Because no one is better than you . Just like no one is lesser than you. (The last few lines rhyme! I will use it in some rap song.)

I wanted to write a list of how I practice my brand of racism and what all things are good and bad about racism etc. But let's not make it a list based post this time. 

OK, back to the story. When I moved to college, for first 3 days nobody would sit with me. That was a little weird. It wasn't as if I was the weirdest looking guy in the whole class. Then I figured out, I liked sitting on the first benches and no one else had any affection for the first bench. Anyway, then a guy, let's name him "Kaalu" for the sake of this true story, came and asked if he could sit with me. 2 shades darker and a few inch taller. What the hell, suit yourself. "Sure", I said. 

7 years later he is one of the only 10% college mates I am in contact with. Is he my best friend? I don't know. Is he a reliable confidante? May be. Is he the blackest friend I have got. Hell Yeah!

All in all, he has been there whenever it was required. He has done more than I could ever repay. And I have disappointed him the most. And I have insulted him the most in this world. And I still feel I don't need to say "sorry" for anything. Although, two words I can safely use - "Thank You". Thank you for everything.

Today is "Kaalu's" birthday. I wrote a song on him. But it became so vulgar and racist that I had to delete it. It would mean a lot to me if you could say "Happy Birthday Kaalu" and optionally any additional racist slur according to your own racist level. I will transport your wishes to him. 

And yes...

"Happy Birthday Kaalu. You are so black, sometimes coal mistakes you as a mirror ".


PS : I hope that white kid gets to marry a while girl. And then they have white little kids who do all things white, like pooping white shit and stuff. OK, I am out.