May 18, 2014

Why It's Important To Be Lazy

PS: I wrote this article 2 months ago, but was too lazy to edit it and post. Until...

I used to feel sad. I would find everyone around me to be so awesome, and I had nothing in me to match them. I mean of course, I am fair to good in a number of things. But not good enough to be titled "awesome". So, I would feel sad. 

But one day while I was floating in my sadness, I had an epiphany that I was actually 'awesome' in one thing : Being Lazy. 

I don't know why Salman runs "Being Human" Charity. If I tell you "Be Human", you would ask "What the heck does 'Be Human' even mean? I look, walk, pretend to be like human. What else do you want me to do?". Nobody wants to be human in today's world.  But then after 15 minutes if I ask you to "Be Lazy", you already know what you have to do.

It's a world of "Being Awesome" not "Being Human". And "Being Lazy" is one of the simplest (but certainly not easiest) ways to achieve awesomeness.

But then some of you are so stupid (don't mind, I will one day prove I am "stupider" than everyone else), you won't even give it a thought that being Lazy is a MUST to have a long life. So, here I am trying to sell you the idea of why you must be lazy. 

A. Being Lazy saves resources : I seldom bathe on weekends. So easy. Result? Gallons of water saved. I imagine myself to be a Superhero, with all the water droplets saying "Thanks RavS, you saved our day. You are so awesome".  Water is a scarce resource. If I could I would go without bathing for weeks, probably months. 

The only reason I bath on weekdays is because not bathing affects my routine and hence productivity. Yes, I stink on weekends. Say "ewww". Don't call me on weekends. But then, I meet a lot of people who stink mentally all through the week. What shall I do about them? 

Someway or the other I am also reducing my carbon footprints. Nobody should be able to trace me back by my carbon footprints. 

B. Being Lazy saves time : Time is the only resource that's truly irreplenishable. I mean you put the dead plants and animals deep inside mother earth, wait for a few billions years and voila! you get all your coal and oil back. They taught me in school that Sun is the ultimate source of all the resources (read energy). I don't know how Sun can give me back my time once it's gone. But procrastinate on an important task and all of a sudden you have more time to waste. Laziness ahoy!

C. Being Lazy is fun : People say we should get outta door, breath in fresh air, talk to people, probably go to parties if that's your thing. Don't listen to those people. They are probably Congress supporters. I don't know what could be more fun than lying on your bed, watching episodes after episodes of Prison Break (or House or 24 or... ). I once stayed on my bed for 3 days straight, doing nothing but watching mindless junk on TV/Internet, then sleeping and watch some more TV, getting up only for loo breaks (I even brought food on the bed). Ahhh... those were the 3 most fun days of my life. May be I will repeat that sometime this year.

D. Being Lazy is good for health : I don't know why there's this myth that Lazy people get obesity and other lifestyle problems. I mean I have been lazy ever since I learned the spelling of layzee and I am as lean as the word "LEAN" written in Arial font size 120. I tell you what, fat people are fat. Lazy people are Lazy. There is just no conclusive scientific evidence correlating the two. It's just a conspiracy theory created to stop people from being lazy and hence awesome. In fact, I would argue, being Lazy makes you healthy. Eating is one of the most energy consuming activity that I do. So, sometimes, especially weekends, I skip meals. Unintended Intermittent fasting. And THAT is scientifically proven to help you get healthy.

E. Being Lazy is hard : I can give you a list of 100 ways to be lazy (anyone interested?), but then some people will still find it hard to be Lazy. It's just outside of their comfort zone (see the irony!). My Grandmaa sleeps around 10.30 and gets up around 4.30 in the morning. Everyday. She would then manage to do so much physical work in next 3 hours that I can't do during whole day (and I am preparing for a triathlon, remember). It's been her routine since time immemorial. During school/college days I had more faith in her than mechanical alarms to wake me up early for exam preps. 

Which brings me to the point : no one is born with inherent Laziness (just like creativity). It's not about genes, you can only get lazy by sheer determination and hard work.

F. Being Lazy attracts other Lazy people. Ergo, community : Some of my best friends are super lazy. We make plans to hangout, and then get lazy and cancel them. We never call each other, because once you call you have to actually talk. I have at least 7 people whom I promised to call in last 3 months but then never responded. 3 people did the same with me. Thank goodness. We rarely chat or message, because that takes energy as well. Now, I don't know if I was lazy enough to deserve such friends, or their laziness (read awesomeness) rubbed off on me. Anyways, I am always grateful they are a part of my life. 

As a corollary to this, I am thinking to start a social network where just lazy people would be allowed to create an account. They would have to fill a survey to prove their laziness, first. People must be so lazy that they even forget to login once they create their account. People won't be allowed to post comments. There would be only be a Like button if you ever want to respond. And you won't even have to press that button, it would get auto-pressed if you hover your mouse over it. 

G. Being Lazy makes you productive : Do you remember those school/college days when you won't do homework because you had better things to do in life. But then next day right in the morning, you would copy a 2 hour homework in 20 minutes flat. And don't dare argue about "Quality" or "Learning". I don't even remember the names of all the 50 subjects that I studied in college. 

For a long time, I used to be the guy who would do the 2 hour homework at home, and then everybody would copy from him. What a loser I was. 

Well, I have a few other points on why you MUST be Lazy. But then, this article is already over 1000 words and I am too lazy to write more. 

My aim in life is to achieve greatness. I strive hard to get lazier everyday. I don't even say "Hi" to everyone I meet everyday. I want to become the master of Laziness. When I die, probably you will come to my (artificial) grave and read  "Here lies the tomb of the Great RavS who redefined the term 'Lazy' ". R.I.P.

Some people will take this post as a joke. That's alright. Probably I have written it as a joke. But here's the most important take away: We all get lazy. We all procrastinate on some level or other. Life is hard sometimes. Things are hard. Our hearts are at the right place but we just don't know how to take the next step forward. So, we stop. We get lazy. Then, we feel guilty. Then we regret. Then we hate ourselves. Then we decide we don't have it in us to complete the journey. And then we stop completely. (Replace 'We' by 'I').

It's a vicious cycle. May be you have it in you to break this. Or may be not. But I just want you not to feel bad about it. World would be a better place if you are happier rather than more productive.