Meri Bhains ko Andaa kyon maara?

Aka... Why did you hit my buffalo with an egg?

Well, I don't know....

May be I don't like you. (High possibility. I don't like a lot of people. I am a celebrated two faced)

May be I don't like bhains. (Zero probability. Bhains is my favorite animal. Screw you if you don't like Bhains).

May be I don't like Your bhains. (May be it's so cool that I am jealous. When I am jealous I do a lot of things.).

May be I don't like Andaas. (Of course, I don't like Andaa. I am allergic to it).

May be I had too many Andaas, I was throwing them out and your bhains just came on the way. (That's just a sad accident. But the bigger question is from where did I get so many Andaas?)

May be I just wanted to argue with you. (Which means either I hate you, or I like you a lot. Like really a lot).

May be I just wanted you to talk to me, so that I can tell you an important thing. ("Why didn't you call bro?" You ask. Well. Well. Well.).

May be I was just aiming at you, but your loyal bhains came in between to save her master. (Quite a possibility. I have a very bad aim. Besides numerous scientific researches say bhains is more loyal than dogs).

May be I was just practicing throwing Andaas. (Who knows throwing Andaas becomes an Olympic sports now that wrestling might not be.).

May be I saw a killer fly over your bhains, and killed it with my Andaa, thus saving your bhains. (In which case, you should thank me. And apologize for your bad behavior. In written).

May be I was just trying to feed your bhains by throwing Andaas at her. (As I said, I have a very bad aim. Have you ever eaten peanuts by throwing them in air?)

May be I was juggling with Andaas, and your bhains came in my way deliberately, making me fall down but taking all the Andaas on her. (I always maintain, Karma is a bitch!)

May be it was not me who threw Andaas at your bhains. May be it was someone else. (Go figure out Sherlock. Go!).

May be your bhains watches too much Saas-Bahu soaps. It threw Andaa on herself and blamed me. (After all bhains is a female. Saas-Bahu brainwashes all females. All.)

May be I am a racist and so I threw Andaa at your "black" buffalo. (Yeah, I am a proud racist. I like to call my black friend "Kaalu".  But then Black is my favorite color. Not a valid reason to throw Andaas at a poor bhains).

May be you are just drunk. (Check tomorrow morning. May be I haven't hit your bhains with Andaas after all).

May be I just wanted to find out, whose bhains is it anyway? Who let the bhains out?(Ok, now I know, it's you!).

May be it's you who hit your own bhains with an Andaa and now are trying to put the blame on me. (What wrong have I done to do you? Please tell me. We can sort it out. No need to bring a bhains in between our personal matters).

May be it's not me. It's the hen, which gave an Andaa while flying high over your bhains. (Highly unlikely I know. But Impossible is Nothing. Adidas).

May be your bhains participated in a talent show, but performed very poorly. (It's customary to throw Andaas and Tamaatars in such situations. Don't blame me. Blame your bhains).

... There could be a million other reasons. As I said, I don't know.

Long back a great guy told me "An eye for an eye makes the whole world Bhains ki eye" (that guy was a drug addict and died prematurely).

Let's forget the past. Stop obsessing  over who hit your bhains with an Andaa. Let's have truce now... Friends?

'Colored' Lord Krishna with all 'White' animals. I take inspiration from him for racism. Picture taken in a temple of AP.

All Hail Buffalo!

I have never been able to understand why people look into ancient religious texts or look up to expired 'great people' to know how to live life. We can always learn from people and animals nearby us, roaming around in our everyday life.

Well continuing with our annual tradition of writing something on The Buffalo, in today's post I want to discuss what all things we can learn from this humble creature. Of course, some people will rubbish it saying buffalo is a useless animal, and I am a lunatic to think that we can ever learn something from it. But you need to be able to experience what's it like to be a buffalo to be able to truly appreciate its qualities. Now it's up to you, whether you want to take these buffalo advices and be awesome like a buffalo, or keep on living your path3tic life.

No Buffaloes were harmed while taking these pictures.

1. Being a buffalo means being humble: Have you ever seen an animal more humble than a buffalo? Of course, it has far more uses than say a stray dog or a mosquito or a Chimpanzee. But They never keep it in zoo, people never come to visit it. But she never makes a hue and cry out of it. It goes on doing it's work, i.e. giving milk.

Does this buffalo seem to be giving any damn?

2. A buffalo never gives a damn: No buffalo has ever given even a single damn about increasing traffic, or global warming or growing crime rates against women or even terrorism. So, why do we give a damn about any damn thing in the world. All that the buffalo cares about is chewing food and pooping dung and be content with whatever it has.

3. Buffalo does not discriminates: No buffalo has ever refused to give milk to a person belonging to minority or has ever made any reservation for any class of people. It accepts food from anybody whether it's South Indian or West Indian or North eastern Or even Chinese.

"So what's cooking tonight?"

4. Buffalo speaks only one language: that of Love: . You will never hear any buffalo rapping any unmentionable words against any gender. All it says is a "Muaaaah" which can be compared to what people do while giving flying kisses. Hence a buffalo speaks a universal language... of love.

5. A Buffalo never sucks: Unlike a leech or a mosquito; in fact it chews. So, we can learn from a buffalo never to suck in our life but to be awesome and to chew away all our problems and digest it with grace.

These are just a few things to get you thinking. I can mention dozens of others, but point is not write a biography or a motivational book on a buffalo. Buffalo is sufficient in itself and it does not require any fame or glory. 

So, the next time you see a buffalo (or a buffalo-like person), do pause for a moment and admire its beauty. God seldom makes such noble creatures. All hail buffalo!

Bhains Ki Post

Q. 9: What do you know about foot and mouth disease of African Buffalo? Explain with an elaborate diagram.                              (15 Marks)

(Note: Blogger has no idea whats so special about African Buffaloes and what on earth is foot and mouth disease)

Ans: 

Introduction

• Buffalo is one of the widely used or in other words, employed cattle in the World, especially in poor developing countries which are primarily based on Agriculture.
• Almost all the buffaloes are black, In fact, black color is considered the distinguishing features of the buffalo; but color variation can occur with regional changes and other metaphysical factors.
• Buffalo is popular with different names. In India (one of the largest buffalo producer) it is primarily called 'bhains' in the Hindi-speaking Northern plains, and 'Yerumai' in southern plateau region. In ancient Indian scriptures it has been addressed "Mahishi", while in Greek Mythology it has been mentioned as "Beta o u Beta Alpha Lambda" which may seem like a code name but it is phonetically correct.

Reasons for raising buffalo

• Buffalo being a mammal has got breasts, which are used to squeeze out milk at dusk and dawn period.
• Buffalo has been traditionally used as a grazer, so it can work as your natural dustbin (but the quality of milk can degrade proportionally)
• Its dung ('gobar' in Hindi) is multipurpose and is used in villages for polishing the earthen floors, as fuel (in the form of cakes) or even as a quick fix to broken walls and so on.

Injustice to Buffalo

• In Indian tradition, Buffalo has always been considered inferior to Holy cow. It has been used only as a substitute to cow in field and have never been given a chance to demonstrate her full potential.
• This can be attributed to her black color. In comparison cow is usually spotless white or can have designer tattoos by birth. So, this can be considered as a racial behavior on the part of man.
• Man (especially modern alpha male) have been guilty of abusing buffaloes in many ways. "Bhains ki Aankh Nikalana", "Mari Bhains Ki Poonch Paadna", "Bhains Ki Taang", "Bull's (Buffalo's Daddy) Eye" etc. have been used as slang without caring for the emotions of the mute buffalo. While the hypocritical man reasons it as a way of giving respect to buffalo, in reality he is disrespecting the buffalo and giving her emotional harassment.

Buffaloes in Africa

• Buffaloes in Africa are no special, after all they are buffaloes only.
• But one distinguishing features of African buffaloes is that they are heavily built as compared to the Indians. And they are quite fast too, which may be a result of the naturally green patches there.
• But African buffaloes are usually considered second to Subcontinental ones especially Indian buffaloes which though may not be as strong as their African counterparts but are equally aggressive if challenged.

Foot and Mouth Disease

• Foot and Mouth Disease is a very serious disease found in cattle especially buffaloes.
• It is caused by a certain virus, and though the disease is curable, the recovery rate and period are discouraging.
• Foot and Mouth Disease as the name suggests occurs in foot and as well as mouth. The disease is so infectious, that it is difficult to differentiate b/w foot and mouth.

Diagram 

(On page http://bit.ly/myBuFellow) 

These African buffaloes are called Hippo owing to their size and this particular buffalo is suffering from foot & mouth disease.