January 14, 2014

How to maximize the number of 'Likes' you get on Facebook!

Note: The following is republished from my now defunct FB notes. I am putting this hard earned knowledge out again in the public domain for the greater good of FB humanity.

As we all know Facebook is all about getting and giving 'Likes'. Nobody cares whether what you post makes sense or if it's even true or not, as long as you post something 'Likeable'.

If you are one those unlucky chaps who haven't been getting the desired number of likes to boost your ego, follow these simple tips. These are tried and tested stuffs with 100% guaranteed results!

1. Post something religious or controversial.

2. Tag everybody you know and their dog too.

3. Post a pic where you are looking better than you actually are!
PS: Use lipstick/eyeliner if you are a girl. Use goggles/guitar if you are a guy. To increase your chances even further, put a mountain or ocean at the background.

4. Tell people how much you love your family. Especially if you write anything about Mom, it's a sure-shot way to get likes.

5. Wish people on occasions and festivals. Saves time and a lot more convenient than having to painstakingly wish them one by one personally. And if you tag a person in your wish, you are almost sure to get a like from them.

6. Post about your achievements, like if you got into a prestigious college or going out of country.

7. Do not post anything for months, and then suddenly write "Guys I am back!".

8. Post a picture of something very tragic or heroic and write, "Please Like. 1 like = 2.5 Salutes".

9. Ask people to share it as much as they can. More shares increases the chances of getting more likes.

10. Tell the world you are getting married, or engaged (or divorced).

11. Post a picture of yours with somebody from opposite sex.

12. Post a picture of something new that you have bought, like a laptop or a bike or a puppy. If it's not new, just post the damn thing thing from an angle to make it look new!

13. Share something in the interest of general public. It does not matter if it is true, or if it has come from a credible source. Only condition is that it should feel as if this is the thing that will save the world.

14. Just make thousands and thousands of useless friends. It automatically increases the probability of getting likes on whatever crap you post.

15. Change your profile photo to a baby. Any random baby will do till the time its cute. And if by chance you are with the baby, you have just hit the jackpot my friend!

16. Write a few romantic lines as status update (this one is my favorite). Better still, copy lyrics of a famous romantic song. Dedicating it to a real person is optional but desirable.

17. Update as if there is no tomorrow. At least one of the 100 posts/shares will surely fetch you 10+ likes. If you still don't get them, you don't have the right to live on earth.

18. Go the nostalgic route. Post pictures when you were a child, or your college/school days photos with friends.

19. Write a quote. The more famous the person, the better the chances of getting the likes, even if the said thing is rubbish. In fact, the quote need not even be quoted by the celebrity, you just have to credit them for it.

20. Fucking ask for it. "Hey friends, I have written this post about how to get more likes. Please 'Like' this post, even if you don't like it, because you are my FB friend and so its your moral responsibility to do so. And if you don't like it, I will take it personally and probably unfriend you."

When I posted this on FB last year on 17th Feb 2013, it  actually got me the second most number of likes on anything I ever wrote during my exactly 2 years of FB presence (first one remained an edited profile photo). I also managed to rub a few people the wrong way, who took it personally i.e. a comment on their personal FB usage. 

I had even initially thought to link each of these points with real world examples! But thankfully, better sense prevailed. I don't really know when people will start understanding my brand of humor. But let's keep trying.