January 18, 2014

All Hail Buffalo - Part II

When I wrote All Hail Buffalo last year, to draw attention of people towards the awesomeness of this humble creature, millions of people personally congratulated me for this noble act. Some people even demanded the Buffalo be declared as the symbol of peace (instead of those useless white pigeons), and some even hinted I be awarded Nobel Peace Prize (which I humbly declined, of course). But there were some people who were a little disappointed. They wanted more, in fact nudged that I write a sequel to this brilliant piece of literature

How could I disappoint my Dear Readers and the fellow Buffalo Lovers. Here is the list of 5 more things that makes the buffalo as awesome as the word A.W.E.S.O.M.E. 

6. Buffalo - A symbol of Aam Aadmi: Have you ever seen a Khas Aadmi keeping a buffalo as a pet? All Khas Aadmis like pugs, cute kittens, the speaking parrots, even rabbits and chicks. But if anyone sees a buffalo tugged outside your home, you are doomed. You will automatically be considered an utterly Aam Aadmi. The reason is simple, a Bhains is never considered Khaas it's always an Aam Bhains, howsoever rich and milk-giving it may be. Thankfully today is the age of Aam Aadmi, so I am hoping the buffalo also gets its constitutional rights as an Aam Bhains

They know how to follow the traffic rules.


7. If you want to be famous, get a buffalo: This can be considered a corollary or a contradiction of the above point, depending on how you look at it. But hear me out. You see whether you walk over the buffalo, or under the buffalo, behind the buffalo, in front of it or side ways, you will be talked about. That's the power of a buffalo. Sooner or later, a TV channel which doesn't have anything better to show will project you as the symbol of hope in this gloomy days of Indian Democracy. You will be the "Guy who walks besides buffalo". You might not like the title, but you WILL be famous, so who cares? Buffalo doesn't. 

8. Buffalo, the Rambaan for Attention Deficit Disorder: Have you ever observed a buffalo? Of course NOT. You were too distracted by your FB notifications and counting the number of Likes. A buffalo on the other hand doesn't care about the social media, or going to parties or looking good or shit like that. It knows its aim in life : to eat and to poop. And with 10000 hours of deliberate practice, it has perfected the art of eating and pooping. And here's the good news: if you are suffering from depression, you can learn quite a lot from the buffalo. If you would cut off all your useless friends, deleted all the online accounts and their associated distractions, stopped worrying about your career, and simplified your life to the extent that all you had to do was to eat and to poop all day long, YOU WILL BE HAPPY. I promise, on buffalo's behalf.

The Hyderabadi Buffalo.


9. Buffalo, the lady with the curves: Can you imagine a buffalo showing-off a sixteen pack abs or a toned butt? Well I can imagine. But you know why you never see any such buffaloes? Simply because buffalo doesn't need such kinds of validations to improve her self esteem. It's already overflowing with awesomeness. Buffalo doesn't believe in starving herself to the point of being labelled malnourished. She takes pride in whatever big curves she has got. Buffalo believes there's only one life, we should eat, poop and enjoy it to the max. We should not waste it off by lifting weights (like a bull) or participating in say a triathlon

10. Buffalo, grace personified: Try saying to anyone "You look like a buffalo" or "Your face matches that of a buffalo", without protective gear. Oh well, God save your body. But has anyone considered what the buffalo feels when it's told that not only it has a buffalo's face and a buffalo's body but is actually a buffalo! When I visited my village last year, for half an hour I shouted at my buffalo "you are bloody damn buffalo, you are nothing but a buffalo, and will ever be a buffalo". I am sure the buffalo was outraged, nobody takes that kind of insult easily. But you know what the buffalo did? It kept chewing as if it didn't care or understand what I meant. That's GRACE <- right there. 

The RavS' personal buffalo.

I mentioned in the last part, I can write dozens of other pointers about the awesomeness of buffalo, but again a buffalo doesn't need a certificate from me to know it's awesome. All  hail buffalo!