My Phone. My Rules.

I don't like Mobile Phones. Mobile Phone might be single biggest annoying device for introverts like me, ever invented. Life was simpler when I didn't have a phone. But now it has become something that I can't avoid. 

BTW for those uninitiated, I have switched for X2-01 to MMX A89 !

I don't talk to a lot of people on phone during the course of my day. But still I end up attending at least a dozen phone calls from the time I wake up and till I go to bed (and sometimes even later). And this adds to the stress of working under pressure for long hours, travelling long distances daily, sleeping for less than 7 hours etc. No wonder I feel like a zombie on weekends!

I am not sure if I suffer from ADHD but I do have a short attention span. And having such an enticing device only worsens the condition. We all know how we get hooked to a social network and then become so addicted to it that we have to check it every now and then, mostly unconsciously. Phone is far more dangerous in that department. Sitting in your pocket it contains all the social networks that you "Love" so much, it has your songs, it has your audiobooks, the ebooks that you read, your news feed, your videos and what not. And on top of that, it is device which lets hundreds of people who know you (and sometimes don't even know you) connect to you at a moment's notice, unannounced, almost whenever they wish to be. I know this is exactly why phones were invented, but, in between all this just when do you have the time to do what you love, or spend time with yourself, pay attention to the people you are with?

I also have problem talking on phones. So, I don't call people for weeks, even after promising them, sometimes don't pick up the phone because 'I don't feel like talking', or reject a call thinking I would call them later, which mostly never happens. What's worse, this happens even when my good friends or family members call me. And this is of course, inconvenient for them many times, as they might need some urgent help from me which I won't be able to provide. 

So, today through this post, I state a few rules underpinning my usage of mobile device. It's written mostly for myself, but hopefully after reading it you might get inspired to set your own rules. I also make them public so that you can point it to me if/when I break any of these rules. Because, let's face it, phone is an untamed beast which will require some strict discipline to make it work to my advantage.

1. No checking messages/emails/tweets in the morning: A good morning can have a great effect on your day. And there can't be a better start of your morning than doing something for yourself. But when checking your phone is the first thing you do in the morning you are allowing dozens of other things enter your mind, most of them useless thus taking away the precious little mental energy to do something fruitful.

2. When I am focusing on something, my phone must be switched off: How many times it has happened with me that when I am programming, reading a book, an interesting blog, really enjoying my music or a movie, the damn phone starts ringing. I have a choice to reject the call, or silence the ringer but the whole experience gets ruined due to it. 

3. No phone after 11 pm: I am Not the person who can be reached 24x7. Sorry about that. But again, if phone rings after 11 pm, when I am trying to sleep or just relaxing in general, it is a huge put-off. I can't allow that to happen.

4. No phone on Sundays (except when I am working / travelling): Sundays don't feel like Sundays anymore. I don't really remember when was the last time I had a Sunday all by myself, doing nothing but relaxing. So, Sundays must be reclaimed.

5. No checking notifications/Internet at the workstation: Workstations are meant for working, seriously. You don't want anything distracting you.

6. Internet off when not in use: Always-on Internet not only sucks out the battery from my phone, it's also a great distraction through chat notifications.

7. If I get a call, and I don't want to talk right now, then

    a) I Must still pick up the phone, 

    b) Inform the person about my inability to talk right now,

    c) Give them a definite time to call back later

    d) Actually call them at that time

I don't do any of these parts right now.

8. If I have a choice between making a call and sending a message to a person, I must call them: Right now, I use messages because I am an awkward phone conversationist. But an important part of getting better at something is to start practicing it. Also, it's quite obvious text messages/chats, as an alternative form of communication are a huge time-wasters.

9. If I have an important call to make, I do it first thing before checking off anything else from my To-Do list of the day: I repeat, I dread phone calls. But what's gotta be done, gotta be done. Call the person, keep it short and be done with it.

10. I Must answer every phone call immediately if conditions #2, #3, #4 don't apply.

If you are reading this and happen to be my friend, this is an important piece for you as well. Please do not mind, if I am not reachable at a certain point of time.  You can drop me a message if I am not available to pick up my phone, and I promise to call you as soon as possible.  

I know emergencies come and phone calls at off times are inevitable but those should be exceptions rather than the norm. We all have a right to live our life in our own ways. I am just trying to live my life, my way.

That Awkward Phone Conversation

"... if that was the case, you could have at least called and told me.."

"... where were you yesterday? I was calling..."

Don't get me wrong if I am not calling you. It's not you, it's me...

Remember I made a to-do list sometime ago? Well there was an important point mentioned there, "Call friends". Well I was able to complete almost everything in that list but this was left behind. Well, I can give the excuse that it was because of I had no balance in the phone during morning, but then there was credit at evening time. But I didn't call anybody that day. 

Reason??

Well the reason is simple, I am not a very good phone buddy. Part of that can be attributed to my introvert nature. But more than that I am not comfortable with the mode of conversation itself. 

• If you are text chatting with someone you are actually replying to the text sent, with a text of your own (yeah, as if you didn't knew already :); there is no face or voice involved here. Plus this mode is slower than other modes (unless you are the chat ninja) so you get time to articulate your thoughts and continue/divert the conversation. 

• If you are talking face to face, the person is in front of you, so you see her/his reaction/expressions and can change the topic. Otherwise the next person can sense your awkwardness and bail you out of the situation. Also there are a lot of other things that can be done besides talking ;)

• Now turn to a phone conversation. I know voice is a very powerful medium but it seems a phone conversation has got all the limitations of other modes without giving any significant advantages. It neither has slowness of text/messaging nor the closeness of a face2face interview.

So, if I have an option between meeting a person and calling, I will easily choose to travel to meet the person.

The thing is that during phone calls after sometime I am at lose of ideas to continue (don't blame me if I don't rehearse before calling) and then it gets really awkward. You don't want to continue with the conversation any longer due to loss of words but you don't want to cut the line abruptly either. But the silence is creeping, so you try desperately to search for something to continue; you are talking after a long time, there has to be something to talk about, com'n think, think... And then.. you either talk about something you discussed just a short while ago or come up with something pretty nonsense.

And it gets very shameful when it happens with a close friend or even a family member. The same people with whom you have no inhibition to share the bed (and I mean it with right sense) can become a cause of embarrassment while talking over phone, after a long time. And if it's a formal call, then it is surely going to happen at the last minute.

So, in short my point is that I usually avoid phone conversations. And if someone calls home and the phone is not actually meant for me, I usually don't pick it up and let it ring for someone else to pick (It's not that the next person will kill me through the receiver; but then everything has a first). Thankfully GSM provides SMS bearer service by default to all the subscribers and nowadays Internet messaging seems God sent.

So, if you are getting a phone call from my side; remember 2 things:

1. This call is so important that I felt other modes won't suffice. Thank Me! And try to keep the conversation short so as to maximise your probability of getting a phone call in future.

AND/OR

2. You are one of the lucky fews with whom I can share a good phone conversation, without much problem. Congratulate yourself!

Alright, now that you have read it. "Yaar, kya baat hai. Tum to kabhi call hi nahin karte" .... DUBAARA MAT POOCHANA!

It's Not "My" Problem

There are a few people who are gifted with the ability to talk over long times, so one doesn't really have to try hard to keep up the conversation. But it seems, it's not just my problem (although I may be the terminal case). I have heard many people repeating "how is X, how is x (X's son), how is y, how is a, how is x" OR "so what's up; what's going on; anything new; so what's up". I know these act as conversation starters/fillers, but if the conversation mainly consist of these phrases only then I think it is time to shut up and hang up.

So, if you are also suffering from similar kind of inhibitions, (anonymously) comment and tell about your tragic story. Remember, don't consider yourself alone in this world. When God made man, he didn't realise that man will have to converse over phone.

PS: This applies to everyone, those who are reading it NOW, those who will read it in the future and also those who won't read. Well, Wish no one has to read this, they just get up one day and know... RavS is phonophobic.