What it means to be a Friend? [Guest Post]

One of 'those' pages.

RavS' notes : 

Here's a fact : I am pretty stupid. I don't know most of the things that 'normal' people can so easily identify with. If they were to bestow me the award of the 'Stupidest Guy on the Planet', I would be happy to take it. Takes of a lot of pressure to pretend to be smart, when I am not. Also gives me a license call anyone and everyone stupid. Won't hurt anyone if they know I am more stupid than them. Hah!

One of the many questions that I struggle to find an answer to is "What it means to be a friend?". And this question applies to me as well as to anyone else. 

Am I behaving like a real friend? When I promise friends something but don't live up to it, is that 'normal' in friendship? Does being friend mean always being a 'resourceful guy' to others? Are they taking advantage of me in the guise of being a friend? Am I milking the relationship called Friendship by only contacting them only when I need something from them? Is being disappointed justified when a friend doesn't return a favor you did for them  many times over?....

In school and college, I had my small world of a friend circle and I never tried to venture out of it to meet and greet new people. There was never a need. After leaving college, I was almost 'forced' into the Real World. And hence, started my struggle to make sense of what it means to be a human in contemporary times (forget being a friend for the time being). People behave so differently in different moments, many times I am left second guessing about how I should respond to them, and the kind of relationship that should be maintained. 

Anyways, since I couldn't make sense of any of these questions about Being Friend and Friendship, I turned to - guess who - my Friend Vikas to try to guide me through these questions. And heckled him to write an essay on this in a very short time period. 

I have been reading thought provoking writings of Vikas since almost a decade now (Find his blog here). But here is an interesting thing about this essay : Vikas went lazy (I love LAZY) and refused to type his thoughts. "At the most" he could write it down on a sheet of paper and I would have to type it up. I had to agree. So, the following is a humble attempt of a friend to define what it means to be a friend from his perspective; and which has been Painstakingly typed by me and minutely edited at a few places. Enjoy!

Ohh.. and one last point. Why am I posting it today? Of course because it's "Friendship Day" today! I have stopped believing in Days such as Friendship Day a very long time ago. I  have written about the Days that really matter in my life. But here's the thing : most of you - my friends, still believe in this gimmick. If you are atheist you have no right to mock the religion, right? Hence, I respect the sentiments, but like the market I am trying to encash your sentiments too. Please read the following interesting essay, and I would LOVE to hear your own views on What it means to be a friend? 

Over to Vikas...

Friend and friendship, the two very meaningful words. Since the so called "Friendship Day" is around the corner, on insistence of one of my dearest friend, I am troubling my fingers in giving pain to pen and paper. 

First of all, I don't believe in this concept of Friendship Day. I think Friendship is just too Big or say a Grand thing to be limited in a day. Even a life span seems short, less in celebrating this very blessed, sacred, wonderful and meaningful relationship. 

Now if someone asks me to define friendship in one word or phrase, I would just say Life -- Friendship is Life. It is one of the multifarious yet the most simple relationships. It is an autonomous relationship. Blood relations you carry by virtue but friends are your own choice. It's the most holistic, comprehensive and complete relationship. It is a relationship which compensates for your all other relationships by bridging broken gap. It's versatile in character, unique in nature, sophisticated in thoughts yet approachable and simple in behavior. True friendship is beyond the walls of Good-Bad, right-wrong and all earthly things thought needed to make life better on earth. 

Friend - this is a very unique, exclusive and inimitable creature who makes your life feel blessed. He takes your all worries, back you in your bad time, pull you in your good time. He/She never ever needs a reason to be with you,only excuses are needed. It's said that if you get a good friend, your life is easy, if you have two it's sweet, if you have three it's heaven. And, even if you try your best, you can't find and sustain four! 

I am blessed with some very splendid friends and that is the only reason my faith in God is still intact. Sometimes I even think it's God who is making things easy for me by being my friend. (I will not take names of any individuals, as promised. I like to honor my promises sometimes!). Sometimes I wonder - Do I deserve such good friends? What good have I done to get them in my life? But still the fact remains, I have them and this bring a little bit of pride (arrogance) in me. 

As I said friends are unique creatures so they can't be classified. But one thing is sure, they are so versatile that we always look for solution of every problem from them. Sometimes they make us 'Nikkamma' (the only disadvantage of friendship, but I don't mind having this disadvantage ). They take all your burden. For me friends are always over and above family since they take away all worries.

Historically friends have been of two kinds (three if you include "Friends with benefit" ). 

Some famous examples: 

• Krishna - Sudama where Sudama devoted his whole life to Krishna. So, it suggests there has to be some kind of devotion in friendship. Krishna understood his pain without words and been kind to him. This means in Friendship there's exchange of thoughts without words. 

• Krishna-Arjuna which suggest a friend is your philosopher, guide and keeps all your worries away. At the same time, in friendship there is consultation, advice, guidance and mutual respect too. 

But my favorite and most inspiring example is Karna-Duryodhana. For me that is the greatest friendship where there is devotion, togetherness, mutual trust and submission irrespective of cause. They were always ready for each other. 

And fortunately, I have friends with all such vivid colors and characters. One I am devoted like Sudama, on other I am dependent like Arjuna for taking my all worries and find the right path for me, and my all three best friends have the last qualities I mentioned. They are always ready to help irrespective of the cause. I will always be thankful to God for giving me such precious living creatures. 

But... what about Friends and Friendship in Contemporary Times? 

Now it's not 'Satyug' and 'Tretayug' anymore. We are living in 'Kalyug', and Kalyug brings the time of Friends with Benefits. This is an era of communication, in this era you communicate with large number of people and everyone can't be your friend. In this era too, Friendship has to adhere to the basics of past, but now one carries a lot "Friends" without 'Friendship' (the ones known as professional relationships). Then there are people in your locality, they are also your "Friends" (social friends) but again without any 'Friendship'. So grossly, the word 'Friend' is being overuse and fatigued in today's time like the word 'sexy'. 

You get your best friends mostly in school time since that time it's a selfless relationship. As we grow older and our brain matures, we start having motive in everything. Hence, the relationships also start getting made with motive. But Real Friendship has no motive, it only has devotion, selflessness, mutual respect and love and extreme care towards each other. Now, it's up to an individual to decide who is a friend, because as I said friends are the 'chosen ones'. 

Signing off on that note. And yes, Wish you all a Very Happy and Caring Friendship Day.  

The NaMo-logy : A Long Way To Go. [Guest Post]

Ahh... The NaMo. Swearing in as Prime Minister of the Republic of India today. India having an "Obama moment" of her own. 

Not just Narendra Modi but millions of Indians were dreaming of this moment for months now. And finally it's here. 

A day before the election results, my good friend Srijan echoed my sentiments on the current political scenario. Then two days later Namrata spoke for "her people" expressing the apprehensions in the minority communities about the alleged draconian style of Modi leadership. I am not sure if these apprehensions are valid but sentiments are understandable.

There shouldn't be an iota of doubt that Mr. Modi is pro-majority. But does that equate to Anti-minority? Was he REALLY involved in inciting the Godhara riots like so many us believe, even after being given a clean chit by Supreme Court itself? I don't know. May be he was shrewd enough to get away from all the scrutiny of so many people over the years. Sometimes justice is not served. 

I am really weak in understanding History and Politics, and everything in between. You know better and I am not going to argue with you on this.

But here's my truth : I voted for Modi (and note I didn't vote for BJP) just because I bought the dreams he was selling. Hopes of a Better India which is the only straw visible in this ocean of gloom and doom that's Current India.  

Will he be able to do justice to all the hopes that so many Indians have put on him, or will he work on his own agenda and prove to be the nightmare-came-true for certain sections of society? Only time can tell. Although, the kind of actions he has taken and the speeches he has given since election results, I am hopeful of the former.

I wanted to write more on Mr. Modi, but then another friend Akshita sent a great account of him. I learned quite a few things from it, so I have decided to put it on my blog (with her permission). This, of course, also allows me to be lazy too. 

I haven't done a guest post since a long long time, although I did a few crowd sourced posts last year. I don't really let anyone write on my 'personal blog'. But it's all about experimenting right? So, may be a few more guest posts in coming times.

Alright, enough chatter.

Over to Akshita Pal.

 

''NAMO'', doesn't seem to be a Name or a word one could be unfamiliar with.

I may Re-code this Nomenclature as,

N : Nationalist

A:  Administrator and Appallingly Determined

M: Mass Leader

O: Orator and Organizer.

Mr. Narendra Damodardas Modi, aka Namo/Modi/Modi Bhai/Modi ji,and now THE PRIME MINISTER of World's Largest Democracy, is the Man who not only me but, most of the citizens of India look up to. The only PM born in an Independent India till date, is here to stay. Probably, this streak of youthfulness is what makes it easy for him to read the pulse of A Young Nation. Does anyone remember, Mr. NaMo's recent Election Campaign was titled, "Vivekanand Yuva Vikas Yatra"?

Now, when He is just swearing in as the Head-Honcho of our country, I, on behalf of every citizen, would like to honour him with a Bouquet from my side; a bouquet full of Good Wishes, Hopes, Dreams, and Desires of a New-Age India.

Let's take a walk down the memory lane...

Modi ji, born in the small place of Vadnagar (U.P), on 17-09-1950 (now probably, even an 8 year old would know this), struggled hard, like most of the Successful Men do, to reach this place today. From being the Son of a Tea-vendor, to being a Tea-vendor himself, working in the Gujarat Transportation Corp. and joining the Rashtriya Swayam Sewak Sangh, this Visionary, has never had an easy Route To Delhi. Seems, this prepared him to take future hardships head-on.

Not many of us would be knowing that Mr. NaMo at the age of 15, during the 1965 Indo-Pak War, used to serve the Soldiers while on a transit at Railway Stations, and had even volunteered to serve the Gujarat flood victims in 1967. He did come across as a Patriot since the early days of his life (that is visible while He gives Speeches too); However, a leading Daily had reported that Mr. NaMo sent troops to save only Gujaratis from the flood struck Uttarakhand in June-2013. Ohh! I must mention, the Tabloid later clarified that it was a 'mistake'.

Known for his Oratorical skills (that I personally am awed by) and Strong Determination, Mr. Modi, never seemed fazed by what people have to say (read allege and crib), about him and his 'Development Model'. There is no stopping him, when it comes to being a Workaholic, sleeping for merely Three hours a day, while many of us still complain of having just Twenty-four hours in a day. A prolific Writer and Poet, He, exudes Power and Dignity.

The 'Could be a Dictator', Mr. NaMo, gains his excellent art of mesmerizing the Audiences and his viewers, from the course He had pursued in Public Relations and Image Management in the United States. Undoubtedly, the outnumbering of male attendees by the female ones in a few of his Public-gatherings can be attributed to his Enchanting and Enigmatic Persona. Still doubt his magnetism? 

Adding Elegance to his Charisma,is his never failing Indian attire, preferably bought from his favorite store in Ahmedabad, Jade Blue (Remember? he was seen wearing a different set of clothes in every single appearance he made on his Victory Day: 16-05-2014).

Mr. Nilanjan Mukhopadhyay, in his Biography,'Narendra Modi: The Man,The Times', had described Mr. NaMo as an Authoritarian, someone who doesn't pay heed to people's opinions, Least Democratic Leader and an Insecure Man.

Again, 'How come an Insecure man start the Victory Preparations well in advance of the Election Result's Declaration, and even speculate about Potential Cabinet formation?', is a debatable topic in itself.

A great Economist, and Nobel Laureate, Mr. Amartya Sen, termed him as a failure when it came to Gujarat's Health and Education Sector's Management. On the contrary,a British Economist, Jim O'Neil,applauded him by saying,

''Modi is good at Economics, that India desperately needs in a Leader''.

Its more than evident, Men like him, are like musical glasses, to produce their finest tones, they must be kept wet.

Battling all odds ,viz, 2002 Godhra Massacre, Accusation of being an Anti-privatization, and Anti-globalization person, 'Slaughterer', 'Merchant of Death' and most lately 'Tsunami', this Man surely knows how to build a Mansion off the bricks people have been throwing at him since years.

Not very long ago, in  2012, his Live Chat made him the First Indian Politician to interact with Netizens this way. Of course, #Modi Hangout, was not the Most Trending Topic on Twitter without a reason. And enemies are enemies anyway, not trailing behind, #VoteOutModi was the third most trending.

Is this Record too easy to beat ?

Now, back to the Present ...

Cut! To 16-05-2014, his (or NDA's) Historic Win in 2014 Lok Sabha Elections, leaves no room for other competing 'clan' to be even in the Opposition. It makes not only the Indian Stock Market bloom, but also makes Mr. Modi beat Salman Khan as The Most Re-tweeted on Twitter.

I must admit it, I am no Fan of Mr. NaMo, nor do I go berserk for any Political Leader at all. But Yes, The Candidate who promises me to make my country shine globally, makes the youth go gaga over him, runs a chill down the spine of the Opposing Parties, makes even Kids take interest in Politics, can JUST NOT GO UN-NOTICED.

The people who called him a Tsunami, may not be knowing that Sea, has always had the nature of being calm for years of atrocities we people do to it but, if just once it retorts, it sweeps away the dirt off the shores, sometimes also away from the catchments .

This could be the impact of 'Modi-Leher'...

Also,not to forget, if observed closely, 'Leher' i.e waves have a tendency to absorb what is worthy, and ebbing out, all the dirt and mud back to the coast.

An old Hindi Doha goes as,

"साधू ऐसा चाहिए जैसा सूप सुभाए ,

सार-सार तो गही लए, थोथा दे उड़ाए "

It sums up Mr Modi's character, i.e, gather just blessings and positivity, take criticism in your stride,and move on.

Certainly, might of the 'Leher' is greater than that of some regular tide.

Be it the release of Diamond Merchants from China, taking support for a 'Vibrant Gujarat' from Japan and Singapore, making his 'Gujarat Development Model' a rage overseas, this Man did go every mile to make his State recover from the loss it went through after being shook by a major Earthquake more than a decade ago. Certainly, he has strong reasons to back up his being chosen as Gujarat's Chief Minister for four consecutive terms.

But, most of us have a habit, to focus on the bad ones, and neglect all the good deeds one has ever done.

OK! He might be alleged as a Pro-Hindu, Communal, not so Secular, someone who invaded a Lady's telephonic privacy, refused to wear a Skull-cap offered to him by a Muslim Cleric, involved in extra-judicial killings... Just MAY BE...

Still!!!

Why not see how he observed serial fasts, solely to make a communal contact, in eight different cities?

Why not admire, how now even a Neighboring country like Pakistan, looks up to Gujarat's Solar Park, and Kalpasar projects to seek a solution to their internal Power crisis?

Why not appreciate someone who claims he would give us a Cleaner India??

Why can't we just ignore his 'Relationship Status' and rather focus on how good relations he lets India build with the rest of the world?

Why can't we forget to which community he belongs? Now, Who is being Communal?

Why not respect him, who gives us the hope of Employment, Development, Empowerment and Economic boost?

Why not trust a Man with the future of our Mother Land who, at 63, doesn't forget to seek his Mother's blessings before even the smallest moves of his life?

WHY NOT!!!

Yes, I agree, it's not only the King who makes the Kingdom win, it's the Kings-men, and the cavalry too. A Leader is briefed about his responsibilities, BUT, in order to execute it, De-briefing is equally essential, so say the Principles of Entrepreneurship. And who could do this better than a Man who commands Respect, A Man who is surrounded with the Aura of Simplicity, Authority and Gravity?

Believing not him, but the wisdom that made us Vote for him, I am hopeful that HE WILL give us all the Country Of Our Dreams.

And as Mr. Narendra Modi himself urges, giving this SEWAK a chance to serve and replenish India, reward it with a New Era and a New lease of life, like all those who have invested loads of trust in him, I, offer my ode to Mr. Narendra Modi ji.

Wishing him all the Luck in his journey,

With the Caution:

"Handle our Nation with CARE and SELFLESSNESS.

We would want to cheer ... NAMOSKAAR BHARAT!!"

.........