Kill me... So I don't feel terrorized

This is going to be another blog post written in a fit of rage. And I have reasons to feel this way. Because once again I feel like crap. Yet another terrorists attack in an Indian city and as it usually happens yet another failure on part of us to stop it.

Well I just don't know what to say at this moment. I haven't had (God forbid) a first hand experience of a terrorist attack, so I don't know how that feels. But I still share the pain and anger of so many Indians who are suffering today and or have suffered before. Because I know how it feels when a loved one is taken away from you without warning. In my case, it wasn't unnatural but still untimely death and even after 2 years I haven't been able to come on terms with it. So, on some level I do understand.

And along with pain, there is anger and frustration. And there is tonnes of it. Because year after year after year, we get attacked by some bloody lunatics, sometimes in the name of "Jihad", sometimes in the name of revenge against "Jihad seeking people", sometimes in the name of not getting their "rights". And every time we are able to do nothing (except of course "condemning" the attacks and feeling sorry).

Attack happens, then people volunteer to help each other, there are RIPs and condolence messages sent, blogs (like this one) are written, opposition parties blame the ruling party, central Govt. blames state Govt., everybody blames failure of intelligence, TV channels sensationalize the issue and the so called debates go on for days to find out what went wrong, and then we let the police investigate the issue for months until it's forgotten. Then we get busy with our lives; until next time. But I don't blame people for that, because we don't have time to stop and feel terrorized. 

But the simple fact is that slowly and slowly the terror is creeping in. When I was a kid, I didn't know anything about terrorists attacks (even though a few had happened at that time). But as I grew up in the last decade, the terror network and the rate of terrorists attacks has grown up with me. And today the situation has become so worse that, even though I won't say that I feel terrorized to go outside, the fear of getting attacked is there somewhere in the mind.

And that leads me to suspicion; I feel suspicious of my fellow passengers, the way they behave, the things they are carrying etc. I imagine what would happen if "this" bus full of passengers gets blown up and the catastrophe afterwards. You can call me anything you want for doing that, even a coward if that suits you. But the simple fact is that I value my life, because there are people dependent on me, and will become even more dependent as I grow old. If something happens to me, they get brutally affected.

And I think I don't deserve this experience, neither do my fellow citizens. Why can't we be like people of so many other countries who are living a may be little more miserable but a terror free life? 

So how do we get out of this mess? I don't know. I am not the policy maker, I am not the judiciary. I am just an ordinary citizen ratting out, demanding his right to travel freely anywhere in his country, without any fear. They tell women not to roam in cities at late night, because "it's dangerous and stupid". I am waiting to see when they declare getting out of home at any time of day "dangerous and stupid" for ALL the citizens.

I don't know how to stop the terrorists attack or how to deal with these kinds of situation. But I tell you one thing, if someone tries to hurt my family in anyway, I won't take it lying down. I won't negotiate with them; I will retaliate with all my spirits (never mind if I fail/get beaten down in the process). I will let them know Loud & Clear that I am there to protect my family, so they feel terrorized the next time they think of doing something like that. Because if I can't do that then I don't deserve to be a part of my family.