February 15, 2014

Aur Roti Fir Jal Gayi

Subah utha to sir ka dard kuch kam tha. Aaj shanivaar tha to ek ghanta jyada sone ko mila. Jab shanivaar, itvaar ko chutti milti hai to lagta hai is duniya me sach me bhagwaan hain.

Kal Valentine Day ka paawan divas tha. Is din ko kuch log bade chaav se manaate hain. Unke saathi to aksar badal jaate hain, lekin tyohaar ka din aur josh har saal vaise hi kaayam rehta hai. Aur ye log aapko yaad dilana nahi bhoolte ki aaj Valentine Day hai, jaise aapko calender dekhna na aata ho. Kabhi kabhi to aisa lagta hai ki ye din un logon ko jalane ke liye banaya gaya hai jinke paas apni koi personal girlfriend ya boyfriend nahi hai. Kaash, girlfriend-boyfriend bhaade pe milte to ek din ke liye saath rakh lete. Kam se kam logon ko is baat par bhi jaleel karne ka mauka to na hi milta.

Khair, mujhe in sab cheejon se farak nahi padta. Agar girlfriend na hone ki beijjati hi karni hai to aapko 14 February tak rukne ki jarorat nahi hai. Aap kisi bhi din sare aam jillat thop sakte hain. Mere ek param-vairaagi dost ka kehna hai, pyaar vyaar sab moh maaya hota hai. Aur mera maana hai ki maaya ke moh me hi Valentine Day manaya jaata hai.

Uth kar socha, bahut din hue, aaj chhole bhature khaaye jayen. Lekin wallet nikala to bas 10 hi Rupye the. Fir yaad aaya ki meri girlfriend na hone ki asli vajah kya hai. Lagta hai aaj bhi apne haathon ki jali roti hi naseeb hogi. 1 Km door ATM jaane ki jehmat ab bhala kaun hi uthata. Phone uthaya to dekha ek dost ka message aaya hua tha. "Yaar lagta  hai saali se fir breakup ho gaya". 

Kal maine din me use phone kiya tha. Uska kuch din pehle uski girlfriend se break up hua tha. Use santavana ki jaroorat thi, aur mujhe Valentine Diwas par updesh ke liye ek shrota ki. Maine phone kar uski girlfriend ko khoob gaaliyaan di. Socha use accha lagega. "Valentine Diwas bajaarwaad ki upaj hai" vishay par ek behtareeen bhasan bhi de maara. Usne bina kuch kahe sab chup chaap suna. Fir aag babula ho bola "Haraamkhor teri bhabhi hai. Uske saath mera fir se make up ho gaya hai. Agli baar use kuch kaha to goli se uda dunga. Aur baajaarwadi duniya nahi, tu baajaru aadmi hai." Kehkar usne phone kaat diya. Beech me kahin usne "naach na jaane aangan theda" muhvara bhi prayog kiya tha jo mujhe ab yaad nahi. 

Pata nahi ek din me uski girlfriend "saali" se "teri bhabhi" kaise ban gayi. Aur fir agle hi din fir "saali" ban gayi. Lekin main uski dasha samajh sakta hoon. Log kehte hain pyaar andha hota hai. Mujhe to lagta hai andhe log pyaar kar baithte hain. Kameeno ko ye dikhai nahi deta ki kaun si girt me girne jaa rahe hain.

Maine thaali pakdi aur fir usme 3 katori aata daala. Canestar me aata bhi ab naa ke baraabar tha lekin aaj ka kaam chal hi jaana tha. Kal ki kal dekhi jaayegi. Jab aate-daal ka bhaav pata chalta hai to fir pyaar ko koi bhaav nahi deta. Jo log kehte hain ki vo sirf pyaar ke sahare reh sakte hain, shayad vo log roti nahi khaate. Pyaar khaate hain. Khair mujhe apne haath ki jali rotiyaan hi pasand hain.

Aata thaali me daalkar maine usme gilaas se naap kar bade dhyaan se paani milaya. Aur fir aata goonthna shuru kiya. Pichle kuch dino se maine paani ki sahi matra pehchaan li thi. Varna hamesha aata gila hokar halwa ban jaata tha. Aur fir apna khud ka haal bhi, gareebi me aata geela jaisa hi tha. 

Pados ke Mishra ji ko radio tej avaaj me sunane ki aadat thi. Agar kabhi unhe tok do to vo aavaaj aur badha dete the, fir kehte arrey maine suna nahi. Aata goonthate goonthte radio par khabar aayi ki Dilli ke mukhymantri ne gat raat apne pad se isteefa de diya. Sunkar bura laga. Mukhyamantri ji Dilli vaalon ko Valentine Day par Jan Lokayukta bill ka tohfa dena chahte the. Vo baat alag hai ki pyaar karne vaalon ko bhrastachaar se koi farak nahi padta. Unka dimaag to pyaar ne pehle hi bhrast kar rakha hai. Lekin kuch logon ke liye unka isteefa bhi Valentine Day ke gift se kam nahi tha. AAP vaale apni faaltu raajneeti se Dilli ke logon ka BAAP banana chahte the, lekin Dilli ke logon ne  dikha diya ki yahan asli baap kaun hai. 

Maine apna aata ghoonthna khatam kiya aur tava stove par chadaya. Aata sahi nahi guntha tha, lagta tha Congress aur BJP ka gathbandhan ho. Aadha  geela aadha sookha. Lekin Aap ko kya parvaah thi. Apne ko to bas is gathjod se nikali rotiyan sekni thi.. 

Pehle ek chota sa nivala nikaal kar tave par chadaya. Maa ne sikhaya tha ki pehli roti bhagwaan ko chadai jaati hai. Achaa hi hai bhagwaan ko bhookh kam lagti hai. Varna itne aate me to ek hi jan ki bhookh mit sakti thi. 

Doosre stove par chay ka pateela chadha diya. Sabji, daal ki jaroorat nahi thi. Banane vaale ne Jam bhi acchi cheej banai hai.  Fridge se nikaal kar Jam ki bottle table par rakhi. Dheemi aanch par teen chaar rotiyan bel kar sab saath me hi chadha di. Ab bhookh sehen nahi ho rahi thi. Jo bhi tha jaldi pakaana tha. 

Is mahine TV, akhbaar, gaano se tauba kar rakhi thi. To time paas karne ka jariya hi nahi tha. Gussa aur badh raha tha. Apne aap ko aise ool jalool pachdon me daalne ke liye 4-5 baar kosa. Fir jaakar, kursi par baith kuch fal kaatne laga. Fal kaatata kam aur khaata jyada. 

Fir Roma ka phone aaya. Baachen khil gayi. Din me usase ek baar baat na ho to dinn hi poora nahi hota. Aap soch rahe honge ki Roma meri girlfriend hai. Chee chee, aap aisa socha bhi kaise sakte hain. Nahi aisa bilkul nahi hai. Hum to sirf ghanist mitra hain. Ek baar maine Roma ko kaha ki main tumse bahut pyaar karta hoon. To Roma tunak kar boli, "No, we are just close friends". Tabse Roma meri ghanist mitra bin gayi.

Roma ko shor pasand nahi tha aur Mishra ji radio band karne ke mood me nahi lag rahe the, to maine chhat par jaakar uska phone uthaya. Oopar halki halki baarish ho rahi thi. Phone uthate hi chillane lagi ki phone uthane me itni der kyon lag gayi. Jab bataya ki main rotiyaan bel raha tha to kuch shaant hui. Fir boli ki kal ek bhi ladke se use phool nahi mila (dhatt tere ki.). Sun kar khed prakat kiya ki meri ghanist mitra ka koi boyfriend nahi hai. Fir use bhi "Valentine Diwas bajaarwaad ki upaj hai" vishay par apna bhaashan sunaya. Use kuch samajh nahi aayi. Boli, laal phool na sahi koi peela vaala hi de deta. Main samjha gaya bhains ke aage been bajaane ka koi faayada nahi hai. 

Bola ki shaam ko milo, chalke tumhare liye ek gamla khareedte hain. To vo hans ke boli nahi aaj to bahut kaam hai, kal milte hain. Fir usne kal ka ghatnakram vistaar poorvak sunaya. Usse baat karne me khud bolne ka mauka kam hi milta hai, lekin mujhe bhi uski avaaj sunana pasand hai to main kabhi sikhayat nahi karta. Aakhri me usne "Happy Belated Valentine Day" bol kar phone rakh diya. 

Phone par Roma ki tasveer fir se dekhi. Kuch pata nahi chala ki khus houn ya dukhi. Baarish bhi tej ho chuki thi. Fir yaad aaya ki main to neeche rotiyan chadha kar aaya tha. Bhaagkar neeche pahuncha to dekha ki chai kaashi nadi ki tarah ufaan par thi. Aur rotiyan jalkar koyla ho chuki thi.

Aur kuch is tarah aaj fir roti jal gayi. Aaj rotiyan aur dino se jyada hi jali hui thi. Inko khane ka matlab apna shanivaar aur itvaar dono kharaab karna tha. Rotiyan dustbin me fainki aur kitchen saaf kiya. Ab to chai peene ka  bhi mann nahi kar raha tha.

Ab ek hi chaara tha. Maine bhagwaan ko roti khilai thi, ab unke karz utaarne ka samay aa gaya tha.  

Paas ke gurudwaare me langar ka samay ho raha tha. Maine ghar ke darwaaje par taala lagaya aur gurudwaare ki aur chal pada.