February 16, 2011

Self Made God

CautionThe blogger here is simply presenting his views on God, Religion etc. If you are not a free minded person then please don't read this blog as you may feel hurt. These topics can evoke strong emotions, so my apologies if you don't like something written here. As I said, I am simply putting up my own beliefs not questioning anyone's.

This is one of the most serious topic, I have (and will) ever may discuss on this blog. I don't even know if I have proper knowledge and wisdom to say what I am gonna say, but well that's the beauty of this topic I think, that I can say whatever I want but still not be wrong in my eyes.

When I utter God, a lot of thoughts come in mind. There is vulnerability, there is prayer, there is purity, there is serenity, there is selflessness, there is peace, there is humanity; and what not.

I have been brought up in a family that is pretty religious, and I think I have had some influence on me due to that, so I am somewhat religious. But then, I have also seen everybody in my family praying in their own distinctive ways. My brothers and sister don't bother to even pray also! Also, my background in Science also has made me rational in my belief to even question the existence of God. And there lies the paradox.

So, there is an inner conflict regarding "God" and I am still searching for what does God mean to me actually. Now, I am still young and I know my thoughts are going to mature as I age. But, right now here is what my half baked "God Theory" says:

Just think about it. How can God speak in "Hindi" when there are thousands of languages that exist in the world. How can He (/She/It) look exactly like human and wear all kinds of jewelleries when there are all these different forms of life. Now, you may say "hey I have seen who speaks in English and doesn't look exactly human or even doesn't have any figure". But that's exactly my point. There are dozens of religions out there, thousands of Gods and millions of believers. How can they all be right at the same time? How can there be so many Gods?

Well there can be so many Gods, because there are so many thoughts from so many people all around the world, who believe in God in their own special way, the way they were taught or they learnt by themselves. So, God in a nutshell is Faith. God without 'faith' is nothing but another English word, but you put faith in there and it becomes the Omnipresent, Almighty, Superpower. So, I would say man's faith in God is the Real God.

I believe Man created God rather than other way around. Because without God, he would feel powerless, helpless, friendless, without anyone to put the blame of his own mistakes. And that's exactly why I put my "faith" in God.

So, God to me is Convenience. Somewhere deep down I know, there is nothing called "God". But, He is something I really can't imagine to live without. My life till now has been full of miracles, a lot of times things have happened when I least expected them to be. And I like all of them to attribute to God; rather than "Luck" because I know luck may or may not be on your side but God will always be.

Well, sometime back, a few bad things happened in my life and it was really painful. I just had no answers to why it was happening to me. So, I started to lose faith in God. I almost stopped believing in God. And that was even more discomforting and painful. It was like I felt empty and then I realised, I wasn't really questioning God but my faith in Him. So, I said to myself, whatever happens in my life, I am going to forgive God and ask for his forgiveness. And now I still have setbacks sometimes but life in general is better.

After bathing what I do is to recite my long list of greediness in front of some idols and photos (beautiful art really!). But my real prayer comes when I am in danger, when I feel scared. Or when I feel really happy & overawed and feel a sense of thankfulness. The emotions that I feel at that time are my real prayer, because in those moments not even for a single moment I think I am asking something from someone who doesn't even exist. That's when my faith is rock solid.

Now, with these beliefs, when I see and hear the stories of people killing each other in the name of God or religion is amusing most of all. You say, there should be a Temple or a Mosque at a certain place. I say I don't give a damn. My God is with me. My God is in my faith.

But then why do I visit Temples, Shrines, Gurudwaras and Churches? Well, I will be honest, it's a little easier to talk to someone who is in front of you rather than in your mind! Also, I mostly visit these places, to get strength.. spiritual strength. I go there for peace, the silence, the purity which is so overwhelming that it is hard to stay there for long times. Of course, a side advantage is that I get to travel and check out the architecture of buildings.

So am I an atheist? Not really, because I believe in God :) So, am I a theist? No that also, really. Because I don't believe in God in the traditional sense. So, what am I? A hypocrite? Well.. that's really your call.

Eid Mubarak everyone